Hello everyone. My wife found my thread here, printed it out, and confronted me about it on the telephone on Friday afternoon.

She was very mad, hurt, and upset about it and reiterated how she really knew what type of person that I am and that there is no chance that she will ever have feelings for me again. She said that she feels sorry for whoever may end up with me in the future.

She said that she would just give everything that she had printed to her attorney and let our attorneys figure it all out.

She said that I was seeking revenge against OM by filing the AOA suit and trying to have him fired from his job by contacting his employer. I explained that I wasn’t trying to cause anyone to lose their job but that I only wanted him out of our lives. I said that if there were ever any chance of recovering our marriage, he would have to be out of our lives.

We both started crying when I told her that after everything that has happened, I still love her and I love the kids. I said that I have been seeking help and guidance from experienced marriage counselors (Bill Harley & Steve Harley) and from individuals here who have been through exactly what we are going through. I have been and continue to fight for her and for our family.

She asked me why I didn’t fight for her when she asked me all of those times (when I caused her to not feel secure with how I’ve always felt about her), and I responded that I was a f*cking idiot. I reminded her that she has said that God asks us to forgive and that nothing should be unforgivable. I told her that I believe that it’s never too late to do the right thing.

Since it seems that no matter what I say or do to try to fight for our marriage and our family gets turned around into something that I’m doing wrong, I won’t be posting very much moving forward. I appreciate all of the encouragement, support, and prayers for our marriage and our family that I have received here.

I still believe that God has a plan for us and that maybe He wanted her to see how hard I’ve been fighting for her. If so, then it is a blessing that she came upon Marriage Builders and found what she found.

Regardless, I will continue to pray that God will show my wife how much He detests divorce, that He will continue to show me how to be the husband my wife desires, and that in His awesome power, He will heal my marriage and my family. I pray that He will remove her blinders so that she can see how madly in love I am with her.

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Psalm 86:5

Sorry to hear that EOTS, however, if that thread doesn't show her how hard you're fighting and how much she means to you, then nothing will.

I really hope it was an eye opener for her and helps her see the truth of what she is participating in.

I wish you the best EOTS. You deserve it.

Good luck to you Eye. Maybe this will end up being one of those "mysterious ways" things.

I wish peace to you and your family.

Eye,

I am so sad for you, your wife and your children.

I know that God provided my family an incredible miracle with deep healing that seemed impossible only months ago. tst and I are passionately in love again, and my children's family is restored. What a beautiful gift we have given them.

I pray the same for your family.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts during this especially hard time.

Stop in and let us know how you are doing when you can.

I've done this dance before.

Truth hurts and you nailed her with her own sin.

The only thing she has is to belittle you with the way she feels about herself.


Good, now he TOO can see just how just how wrong she is.



GOOD JOB!

Keep the exposure up.

During this period, she is going to go through the "you and me aginst the world" phase with OM. Hopefully he will succomb to the pressure or he'll realize she ain't worth it.

When I exposed to OMW, he dropped my wifey like third period french.



Right now, she thinks that destroying her family is the right thing.



Mine also twisted everything into what I did wrong and everything did turn out disasterously, but I am moving foreward.

Just keep at it, and get the OM out of the picture.

He'll be MUCH less attractive if he is unemployed.

My wifey threw all sorts of christian language at me to try to justify the affair.

An awesome prayer indeed !

For your lovely-confused wife to push a divorce without making an honest attempt to reconcile this marriage goes against all Christian doctrine.

If she ends up with OM - their union is NOT pleasing to God - because it is born of adultery and lies.

If your wife is serious about her faith - she will do whatever it takes to end her sin - seek counsel with you and pray with you for God's grace and love to bless your marriage.

Anything less is just lip service to calling herself Christian.

EOTS,

Don't you understand that you're the reason the Navy had to shoot down that satellite? You're also the reason that oil is almost $100 a barrel and why the Arabs and Israelis can't seem to get along.

Haven't you clued in on that yet?

Funny how I heard those exact same words from my ex when I would do anything she didn't find to be nice.

Listen, it's easy for us to bash a wayward on these forums.

To Mrs. EOTS, your husband is here because he loves you and wants to save his family. He acknowledges that he did things in your marriage which made you vulnerable to an affair. It doesn't justify what you've done, but he wants nothing more than to restore his marriage and make it better than what it was before.

An affair is the worst kind of wakeup call a betrayed spouse can have, but from the ashes and aftermath of such a terrible thing a new marriage can arise.

Some of the greatest successes in the world stemmed from failures or bad things.

Suffering in life is what defines us because it is in how we endure that suffering that makes us who we are. You and EOTS have suffered from this whole mess.

He came to the website seeking answers because no one guides you when your wife is having an affair and you don't know how you're supposed to handle it. The fact that he's willing to fight this hard for you speaks volumes.

I didn't fight for my marriage like he is doing and I regret that decision to this day. I failed to show my wife how much I loved her by doing exactly what she didn't want me to do. I submitted to all of her demands and my family payed the price for my lack of willingness to fight for my marriage.

EOTS loves you and wants to forgive the worst form of betrayal a spouse can suffer, but he wants to do it because the love he feels for you is greater than his pain or the hurt from the betrayal.

Love is a choice. It isn't a feeling. The man you're with now is actively cheating on his wife with you. What makes you think you won't suffer the same fate years from now if you choose to be with him?

How will your children feel towards this man once they learn he's the source of the problems and why your family dissolved?

Your kids won't think, "Mommy fell out of love with Daddy and THEN she got her boyfriend, so it's ok. I'll accept him."

Your kids will never accept him and would do anything to preserve their home.

Please keep these things in mind and I really hope some of what he's done can break through the fog you're going through.

There's many women here who have been in your shoes. They can guide you because they felt exactly as you do and are now rebuilding their marriages after committing what they felt was the unthinkable and unforgivable.

And no, their husbands don't wish to hold this over their heads forever.

It's a chance to rebuild, Mrs. EOTS. A chance to do so with the father of your children, who want nothing more than to see mom and dad work things out.

I hope you try for them.

EOTS, W2S and I would like to join your prayer that your WW comes back to the marriage once she realizes that you have shown the greatest act of grace a person can show another. To have been devasted by her this way and then to stick by her and do everything possible to salvage your M for your children is a beautiful testiment to your M, your faith and your children. It proves that your vows to her were not just said in a moment of love, to be cast aside the minute things turn "for worse." You took those vows until death do you part.

I, too, was a wayward wife and my husband was a HERO, just as you are, and stood by me. I, too, thought that I would never be able to re-capture the passionate, romantic love that we once shared. But, I was WRONG. We are now in recovery and working towards a better M than either of us thought possible. We have a better M not BECAUSE of the A, but in SPITE of it. My DH does NOT throw what happened in my face, as I'm sure you wouldn't, either.

I pray that she will show enough compassion for your four beautiful children to give your family another chance. Children of divorce suffer great loss and are scarred for life. Part of what made me decide to work on our M was the fact that it broke my heart to think about the devastation my boys would feel to have their family ripped apart.

Our prayers and thoughts are with you!!!

Hi Eye...

You know I really hope that reading that thread helps your wife to see how much you really do love her...

Something that I have realized as a FWW is that there will NEVER, EVER, EVER be anyone that will love me in the way that Mr. W does-and as sad as it is, I really didn't realize that he REALLY loved me pre-affair-I didn't even think he would care about the affair-that is how lost I was...I've learned that no matter what his actions may have been in our marriage pre-affair that they did NOT justify my choice to have an affair...That my own actions pre-affair were also not beyond reproach...Just as Mr. W wasn't meeting my needs, I wasn't meeting his...

Mr. W said something to me during my affair that really made tons of sense to me...He told me that we would both lose so much history if we were to divorce...That there would be no one that knew each of us "when"...As I reflected back on our memories as a couple I realized just how right he was...No one else would ever share the experience of the birth of our daughter with me like he would...No one would ever recall her first steps with the same fondness...Our wedding day...inside jokes...So many, many other things would be lost forever without the two of us remaining together...I couldn't bear that fate...

And a GREAT question that is often asked here is: When is it ever right to have an affair? Man, that really hit home with me...The answer, of course, is NEVER...

You know Eye, I really hope that your wife continues reading here...I would encourage her to post as well-I can't tell you how much posting here has helped me...I know she feels that "her side" hasn't been told...People here WILL listen...She won't be coddled though, but I'm sure she is a smart enough lady to realize that already...I, for one, will be around to offer her support and encouragement should she decide to post-I've been there, I will understand...I would very much welcome hearing from her...

You are all in our prayers...

Mrs. W

Eye, I am so sorry for you and your wife. Your wife is making a dreadful mistake that she will come to regret the rest of her life.

Unfortunately, the statistics predict that disappointment will be her lot in life when her affair crumbles, which it will. Her affair is doomed unlike your marriage. 95% of affairs crumble, and 70% of those that make it to marriage, end in divorce.

I will post the words of Dr. Willard Harley, a psychologist with 35 years experience, who specializes in adultery:



As you explained earlier, she is merely the OM's DEFAULT position and is only being considered because his wife rejected him. That must be a bitter pill to swallow when your W has paid such a very high price to get him. She has sacrificed so very much: her marriage, her children's family, etc. And for what? For winning second place? For a man who just settled for her because he couldn't have his first choice? For an affair that is doomed to failure?

Her prize is second place with a man who does not believe in fidelity. He does not believe in fidelity, so her standing will always be on quicksand. When his feelings for her subside, and they will, she will be tossed aside. He is only as "committed" as the feeling du jour. What he did with her, he will do to her.

The OM should also know that he will be eternally hated by your children for having a hand in the destruction of their family in pursuit of an adulterous affair with their mother. Divorce is devastating to children, and they will never be the same.

I should also point out that the likelihood of your daughter being sexually molested by the OM is astronomical. The risk of your DD being molested goes way up having a strange male in the house. This is not a scare tactic, but a true statistic. If you have a daughter, I would IMPLORE you to do everything to keep her protected from your wife's OM. We have some great research available, that you can take to the judge to get it written in the orders that your daughter never be exposed to your wife's paramours.

Your children will grow up morally confused at having witnessed their own mother commit - and condone - adultery right before their eyes. They will grow up morally confused at best, and grow into little liars and cheaters themselves at worst. What a horrible, tragic lesson to convey to children.

What a tragic future your wife faces. What a tragic future your children face if she does not stop before the harm is irreversible. Divorce causes IRREVERSIBLE psychological damage to children. Children from homes with bad marriages even fare better than children of DIVORCE.

Eye, your wife's affair is doomed. Her affair is temporary, but I only hope and pray the damage she inflicts on herself and your children is not permanent.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll be praying for you, and hopefully, you will make it back here to post about your recovery. You know what to do.

Eye,

I'm sorry to hear this.

I wish I could talk to her. To tell her how very very difficult the path she is choosing will be. That she should avoid it at all costs.

I've lived that life she is choosing.
I have so much to say to her....

If she truly loves her children...I can tell her that her relationship with them will never be the same. That she (and they) will feel the ramifications of this decision for YEARS, in fact, I suspect the stabs will come forever.

Would she listen?

I would just continue posting. I think you need the support. The affair WILL end. Relationships that grow out of lies and selfishness never last.

Your wife seems to be determined to ruin her life and that of her children. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

EOTS - I'm sure your mind and emotions are just reeling tonight, make space to process, be gentle with yourself. Although some of the things you said here may have surprised or offended WW, once the shock wears off perhaps some of the words you said and their heartfelt meanings will begin to sink in. I will pray that some of the truth she read here will cut through the fog.. P.

EOTS,

I agree with believer that you should continue posting. You aren't doing anything wrong. I hope she does give a copy of your thread to her lawyer because it will certainly paint a very nice picture of her adulteress self.

Lexxy,



I think you and I both know the answer to this question. She has to be willing to "hear" and I would say she is nowhere close to that. Her A is different, he's her soulmate, etc, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LC

Eye:

Continuing posting.

She doesn't have to like it.

She can use it against you.

So what.

Contemporaneous written activity of events as they unfold are profoundly helpful in most legal cases. Yes, they will try to "Cut and Paste" the parts that make you look bad, but you still have 99.5% of the thread that they CAN'T impeach.

However, who else do you have to talk to that doesn't tell you to "Dump the lying cheating wench?"

But offers you solid practical advice on how to return your wife to your marriage?
Offers you advice on how to understand how your behaviors affected your relationship with her and how you recognize and work through those behaviors to become the Husband you were, and CAN BE EVEN BETTER....
Offers you advice into what you wife may be feeling and experiencing, FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE, and came back?
Offers you advice into what your Wife may face if she doesn't come back?
Offers you advice on how to deal fairly, with backbone, with a person who is trying to do great harm to your family?

Not that much perspective out there IRL is there? Or Dr. Phil like one liners..."Dump the wench and make sure she gets none of your cash!"

No.

Hopefully SHE WILL read that print out. THe first couple of pages may not have been great, but you can see the GROWTH. ANd IF she got all the way through, and still decided to go? Then so be it.

She can find out for herself what lies ahead.

You can get help for what ever road map you might plan on here. Recovery, Divorce, Legal Seperation, Your next possible spouse, etc. It's all here.

She can find out as well.

It all up to her now. But your welcome to stay.

LG

praying for you and your wife, eye. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

eots,

I don't believe I have posted to you before, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that this forum is being used to hurt you in a D.

Is nothing sacred anymore?

You haven't done anything besides what marriagebuilders has been doing to save marriages for a long time. You have shown a lot of courage and love for your WW, and had the guts to do whatever you could to restore your marriage.

I am so sorry your wayward wife would use this to fight you in court. So sad when you have done everything you could to save your marriage and expose the affair to save your family

My prayers go out to you and your family.

Love in Christ,
Miss M <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Eye, I hope you show her this post....Mrs Eye, why did you decide to start new relationaship when you did not resolve your marriage? How do you think that living in the past will help you in the future? How do you think that unforgiveness of your husbands "foibles" will assist you in forgiving the ""foilbles" of your new "Mr. Wonmderful"

Do you know that the best gift you can give your kids is 2 parents who love each other? Do you know that your kids will revile your "soulmeat". Don't you know that what you are doing is wrong on so many levels? And you DO know that Mr. Wonderful's kids will hate you for breathing for what their Dad did to their mom. You will seek, but not find any peace after you end with your desired result. Mr Wonderful will screw around on you if you don't do it to him first.
You have dumped yourself into a pit that you will certainly regret. Your kids don't want some "freddy" in their lives, they want their Dad. You are a self-
centered egotist in another world to continue on the path
that YOU CHOSE for your self and kids. And you're all actin' like their Dad has no choice....have some decency.

Did you know that if you mentally harm your mate, that you have done the same as to have hit him or her in the head, with whatever verbal abuse you deliver? So you are beating Eye about the head and face every tinme you disrespect him. And Be warned, God won't be mocked..you will come to no good end with your new relationship, God hates divorce.
God will never bless your union with an adulterer. I know the pain Eye feels....you just don't want to go on. you lose weight..you just are "dangling in an abyss" Show him some decency, and show some decency for youerself. Show some self respect and stand up and realize that Mr. Wonderful will do to you what he has done to his wife. So Mr Wonderful. has done come crying to you about Eye's suit. He's a little girlie man, you will see soon enough...God have mercy on both of your souls...Been there done that, My FWH saw the light, praying that you will too. GF