I'm really feeling overwhelmed.... I am trying to sell the house, and so far all I"ve done is put a simple line ad in the paper and gotten over a dozen calls. Woohoo! The bad news is.......my house is soooo messy, cluttered, and...... well, even dirty in places. I just can't clean it all by myself and I've asked my 3 kids, ages 12, 14, 16 to help. I"ve tried to motivate them by reminding them they really want to move to town, and when the house sells, we can do that. But......they are really being uncooperative. They're fighting, refusing to help, being absolutely awful. I even offered them each $10 for a spotlessly clean room......no go so far, they'd rather lay around playing xbox or watching tv or chatting online.

Any suggestions?

anna,
I am sorry that they are being this way! It is so aggerviating!!!

Perhaps say something along the lines that they have til next MOnday to have their rooms cleaned and one additional chore done that you need them to do and it it is not done you will have no choice but to call in a professional cleaner at their expense. This way you are not rewarding them for something that they should be doing anyways. Then stick to it and dock their allowance for however long it takes to pay for the cleaners.

I am having somewhat the same issue. My S and DIL moved in to the basement. I asked for them to keep it clean and they can't, so I offered to give them a refund of $25 each week that it is clean from the rent they pay me. I still haven't given them $25 and this was said in Nov. So I am trying to find a different approach. They were given one year to live with me so their time is up in June!

Dawn

First, I would take away all their electronics! This is a family emergency, and you are the parent! Don't give them the leeway. I promise, kids WANT you to be the boss; it's just their job to try to defy you. Just be the grown up and let them know that they WILL help.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but I've seen so very many families where the parents feel unable to exert the control that the family needs. If that doesn't apply, I apologize. Every time I lay down the law, I'm amazed at how much my D17 actually listens to me!

Anyway, for your immediate problem, I have two suggestions. First, I have initiated a 30-minutes-a-day rule. Every day, we spend 30 minutes doing nothing but cleaning. You'd be amazed how much can get done in 30 minutes! And it seems doable, so the kids might not balk so much.

Second, I would start a policy: Every piece of anything that you find that is not put away where it belongs - is trashed. You will have to follow through, but be vigilant! Find a PS3 game? Throw it away. Find a shirt? Throw it away.

Start being the grownup and tell them what HAS to be done. They may argue at first, but in the long run, they will respect you for it.

I agree with cat.......I do the same with my kids....If they don't follow the rules, do their chores or help when asked....then no xbox 360, phone and/or television...I hit them where it hurts...My kids are 17 and 11.

We moved last October and We did the same thing Cat recommended. We set a certain amount of time each night to do nothing but prepare for the move and it worked VERY well for us.

As I tell my girlfriend..."Be the MOM"

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Ronda

Sorry if I repeat what others have said, I don't have time to read the responses you've gotten so far. I have three boys 17, 14, and 13, and cleaning is one of the battles we fight. I'm not a neat freak, by far, but I also don't like their stuff all over and they do need to help clean and try to keep it clean. I have not found any positive way to get them to help so the only sure way is to take away the things they love and spend time doing; The xbox, world of war craft, guitar. I always try the nice approach first, reasoning, etc. but forcing them away from their biggest time users has been what has worked for me. Plus, they are so anxious to go back to what they want to do they work in a hurry. Also, don't expect perfection and rent a dumpster. I rented one this fall and it was one of the best things I did. It felt great to rid my house of so much junk, so good in fact I think I'll do it again, on a smaller scale and get rid of more, almost to bare bones.

well, i don't have teenagers but i have twins. when someone gets single parenting down to a science will you please let me know? holy crap it can be hard sometimes to have to be both mom and dad...

mlhb

Follow the great suggestions so far with your kids. But also, if you can afford it, give yourself a break and call in a cleaning lady to do a good thorough once-over. They really aren't that expensive - you were going to pay out $30 to your kids anyway. And it will just set everything straight all at once so you can have a baseline to hold your kids to.

Great suggestions.
They say they want to move, but can't help to make it happen? There are some good lessons here for them to learn. Just saying something doesn't matter, doing it does.

I love the 30 minute suggestion. And be true about throwing their stuff away. (You may want to have a box hidden in your room for the PS3 they lost, but they'd need to earn it back.

I love watching Designed to sell and the other HG tv shows. It's all about eliminating clutter.

They may be acting out because there is a huge change coming (moving) which they do and don't want. So they are avoiding the issue.

But, you see, you are giving them options! Take those options away. The TV and XBOX and computer are no longer available until the room or whatever is cleaned up. You get "screen time" privileges only after you have done the first clean of your room (or whatever), and you maintain those privileges by vacuuming daily/cleaning bathroom weekly/whatever. I find my kids will respond much better when they have been assigned a chore and ther is no question on which sibling is to do it.

Also, work in small chunks. It is hard for kids to see a messy room and know how to start. Pick a room and start going through it for things to save, things to donate, and things to throw out.
See www.flylady.net for more ideas.

Thanks for the ideas! I have to admit that the biggest problem is clutter, and even a cleaning lady can't help that, because it's MY clutter.......I have several hobbies, as well as two home businesses: Avon and sewing re-enactment clothing, both of them add alot of "stuff" to my life. Oh, and I sell stuff on ebay too....more totes full of stuff! Sigh.......

In good news, the kids did get their rooms at least neat, and we made major progress on the rest of the house. Then, an hour before people were to come see the house, they called and cancelled because the winter storm made the roads too bad. I"m thinking of calling off the whole thing till spring, our road has been so bad lately even the school bus can't make it out here. That's a good selling point!

But, back to the single parenting thing, sometimes I get soooooo tired being the only one bringing in income, as well as being the disciplinarian and the chef and the taxi driver (moving to town would help that) and all the stuff mom AND dad are supposed to do. Not to mention the lack of emotional support on bad days, like when my teens decide they hate me.

Amen to the tired. And, I've had a respiratory ailment, an ear infection w/ lingering complications, a death in the family, and (just this evening) my car totaled. All of that has happened since the middle of January.

cinderella, I'm sorry about your car. Good luck. Hope you get a better one!

anna, your kids are old enough that IMO it wouldn't hurt for you to sit them down and let them know they have to start pulling more weight around the house. Come up with new rules on what you're all responsible for. Since you're the one earning money, there's nothing wrong with them contributing more toward the general chores around the house. It would be good practice for them, seriously. You would be doing them a favor by teaching them to be more productive and capable adults.

Plus, kids who've been through things like divorce can benefit from more structure in their lives, more goals to achieve. Achieving the goals gives them more pride in themselves, and shows them how much better it feels to accomplish things.

Cinderella were you in the car when it was totaled? And are you okay if you were?

The best $300 I every spent was on a 20 yard roll off dumpster.

When I put my home up for sale about a year ago now, I had this dropped in my front yard. I filled it up with junk left by my ex-wife, stuff that I wouldn't get to the Salvation Army or Goodwill, etc.

My home sold reasonably quickly after the clean up. The first buyer fell through, so it had to go back on the market, but sold in 120days from first entry on the market.

So if you have lots of stuff, get one of those construction roll off dumpsters delivered and fill it up with things you or others will never use.

Along EE's idea, do you have freecycle in your area?
That's where you post your junk on a website and someone picks it up for free. I'm not the eBay type so this works for me. People want anything.
Someone picked up my 30 year old paneling with outlet holes and all to install in their home. Another took an old garage door (probably 40 years old then).

I know you might just be talking about the everyday clutter of life with kids, but there is hope (or so I'm told).

I love freecycle!!! I just posted on our local site a few hours ago. It's amazing what people give away and will take off your hands.

I know, I love freecycle. When I get organized, I'm going to set up a spot just to keep stuff to give away through it. We have so many daily emails on my local freecycle that I had to discontinue getting them cos I didn't have enough time each day to read them! freecycle is amazing.