Exposure is not an option?
My WH's affair was with a woman who worked for him. His company has strict rules about not having relationships with underlings. While this affair was going on he promoted her, gave her a raise, and interceded when the company tried to relocate her. They used company time and company money to finance trips which were supposed to be business related but were really personal vacations. He also spent an inordinate amount of time making sure her clients were happy. In other words, she benefited greatly from this relationship.
If I were to expose it he would surely lose his job, which would be an impossible financial hit since we are now maintaining separate residences and putting a son through college on only his paycheck. He reminds me of this all the time. I've told him that he put himself in this position and he should have thought about this before he got involved with her, and he certainly shouldn't have kept it up as long as he has....over a year now.
But he still holds it over my head to keep me quiet.
Ive told my family of the initial A, including our two adult sons, but not of my recent discovery that it was still ongoing. It would kill any relationship my sons have with him, especially the oldest who took the initial A very hard and told me he wanted to kill him....not literally of course. They are just now getting back on good footing.
The only people who know of my recent discovery are his mother and sister. I told them the entire story because, as I explained, I had been covering for him in the hopes that no one would have to know but all it did was allow him to continue his lies.

He is no longer her direct employer, but she still has to go through him to get deals done.
So, what am I to do?

Terry:

Hi!

I'm the sales person for the division next to your WH girlfriends.

I have seen all the perks and bonuses that have gone GF and WH way since they started their fling last year that continues to this day.

I just wrote the following letter to the HR department at the headquarters.

I wanted you to know, so when WH calls, you will be ready. You will be subpoenaed for the Sexual Harrassment lawsuit that I am filing against the company.

Dear HR:

Mr. TerryM has been having a long term Sexual Affair with Sales manager HO. He has done the following acts with her on company time, vacation's, extra travel, and expense account padding. He has also used corporate assets like phones, mail, computers and other compnay services to arrange his tyrsts with his HO. Also, he has showered promotions, raises and other company benefits that exceeded her actual worth to the company.

I and several other members of the company have signed and retained a lawyer to seek specific damages against the company in regards to these serious allegations and actual sexual harrassment and sexual favoritism that Mr. TerryM has shown, and this behavior appears to be condoned by your company.

Please read the attached list of subpeona's and legal documents regarding this case from our attorneys.

Company Salesperson B.

Terry,

Your HUSBAND is going to get fired. So do not worry about his threats. Someone is penning the exact letter I wrote above, even as we speak. Somebody knows something and its going to be revealed, and your husband will get fired, demoted, transferred, replaced, whatever. FOR HIS ACTIONS. NOT YOURS.

Think about this.

YOU WRITE THE LETTER.

Dear HR:

My name is Mrs TerryM and my husband is currently involved in an inapropriate relationship with a former member of his staff and employee of your company by the name of Ms. Ho. I seek to reconcile with my husband of xx years, and continue this marriage. I have the following evidence and documentation to support this claim. (then attach IT) This relationship can cause untold damages to the the company when it is revealed that significant company resources have been used to allow this inapropriate relationship to continue. What does your company intend to do about this?

Mrs TerryM.

When YOU write the letter, HR and or the V-P or the CEO can do something about it. Fire Him. Fire HER. Insure that THEY DON'T work together any more. Make sure that thier activities are monitored. Make sure that the company is protected.

Will your Husband be angry with you. OH YES! He will be livid. So what.

He is destroying EVERYTHING in your LIFE EVERY DAY.

And if you WRITE the letter first, then there is SOME measure of control. If SOMEONE else writes the letter, then the ramifications of THAT could be MUCH worse.

And then WRITE The letter to the OW's Husband. Same day. Find out his ADDRESS NOW.

There are examples of BOTH of the above letters that you can base your letter on around here.

You ARE in the right place. We CAN help you salvage your marriage.

It might take some difficult medicine for you to make it happen, but it will.

LG

Wow LG, you really had me going for awhile. I kept thinking oh God what did I do. I agree with you that this realtionship could not have been going on as long as it has without someone knowing ot at the very least suspecting.
I actually contemplated sending an anonnoymous email to HR, his boss , and her boss, who I actually know and is a very good friend of my husband. I would make sure to copy each one of then so that they all knew they were getting the same information. That way friendships could have very little effect on the outcome. But since this is a computer company we are talking about I have no doubt they could eventually trace it back to me. So that leaves snail male, in whih case I would have to hide my postal code in some way,,
The thing that ticks me off is that this company makes extra marrital affairs so easy. They make their employees work long hard days, so that they feel the need to unwind with a few drinks before heading home. They give out password portected plam pilots that need a seperate password to acess voicemail. They hand out password protected laptops that need to be kept with you at all times or under lock and key in the office. The OW can com and go to his workplace at will with no explanations since she has an employee pass. If I wanted to visit my husband I would have to go to the security station in the entry way and tell them who I needed to see and why I needed to see them, Then I'd have to wait for him to come out and join me. We would need special permition to actually get into the main building. The vast majority of the higher ups are men and they have almost exclusively woman working under them. They travel without any suppervision and are given a big fact expence account in order to entertain clients, although the only proof they need is a reciept, so you don't have to prove that their were actually any clients at this dinner. To top it all off they have "employee only" retreats at swanky resorts including one that falls on valentines day every year.....on purpose!
It's company
clients
co workers
in that order. Everyone else just gets in the way.

Hi Terry

I am so sorry you are going through this. I exposed my SO affair with another employeee in his company to his boss. I told him how they were using company time to meet, talk, and text each other, and company computers to email each other. I told him how we live in a very small town and since my SO possition is a high profile one this affair could be very damaging to his reputation. I also told him of the damage and pain it has caused our relationship. When the boss met with my SO he told him that the A was none of his business. He was very concerned about my SO wellbeing since I had thrown him out of the house, told him that the company will pay for his new Blackberry, and gave him a company car.

I hope you have much better luck exposing to your WH boss.

Terry:

You don't write and anonymous letter. You write your letter and you put your get big "Jane Hancock" signature on it.

Sorry that BrokeninPA Exposure didn't go so well.

But when your HUSBAND gets FIRED because of thier "Strict" No-frat clause, then "Oh Well"

You will find out that thier strict no-frat clause is smoke and mirrors. When push comes to shove. So therefore, you NEED to make sure that you are willing to sign you name and make an ISSUE of it.

Please repost your thread down in general questions and post a shout out for Brit's Brat. She's an HR attorney for a major corp, and can help you draft your letter. She hasn't been around much lately, but she lurks and addresses issues like this regularly.

Your WH KEEPS bullying you to be quiet. So he can continue his Affair.

If you tell his employer, WHAT is he ashamed of? Your just telling the employer the truth. RIGHT?

If he wants to date, then let him divorce you. No, HE WANTS IT ALL. YOU, HER, THE SO-CALLED HAAPY FAMILY, HIS 401(k), HIS EXPENSE ACCOUNT, HIS, HIS, HIS, and a great big CAKE all the time.

It's up to you.

Time to really fight.

LG

Terry,

There is simply no situation where exposure is not possible. You are choosing to allow this to continue and it is only a matter of time until what LG described actually happens.

Are you willing to let your WH treat you like a POS, because that is exactly what he is doing by holding an affair over your head.

So what if he gets fired, it isn't in the telling what he is doing that will get him fired, it is because he has abused the trust his company placed in him in every way.

So, do you want to stay married to your WH or your H because they are not the same person. You really need to read up on plan A and exposure.

You mentioned that you weren't living to gether so where is he living?

Do you have a job or are you dependent on him for support? If you are, IMHO, you need to start figuring out how to support yourself because no matter what you do, his days with his current employer are numbered.

Funny how mean and vindictive the OW can be once things stop going her way. The OW in my situation pledged undying love for my FWH and as soon as he didn't follow her directions, she exposed him to his employer.

Your WH is swimming in a small pool with sharks and he thinks that protecting himself from a jellyfish (that would be you) is going to protect his job.

I can't see the edge of the forest for all of the FOG.

Who

LG, thank you for your insight and recommendations.
In my heart I know your right. I just have to get up the courage and be prepared for all ****** to break loose, because it will.....and that paycheck will be hard to replace
Still, as I've pointed out to my H on many occasions, we started out in life together with nothing. We struggled the first four years just to put food on the table, especially after our 1st son was born. We might not have had things, but we had each other and we were perfectly happy. In fact my H once told me it was the happiest time of his life.
So, who needs a stinking 6 figure paycheck? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />