My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I had been married before, and she is 7 years younger then me. I meet her when she just turned 20 and we married when she was 21. We have been trying very hard to have a child for about 2.2 years. In August/September of 06 things got really rough because she found out it wasn't me, a big reason for the difficulty was her.

I found out about 5 weeks ago that Oct 06 she ended up sleeping with the neighbor. Apparently she opened up to him about her frustration over the baby and it eventually lead to her cheating on us. This lasted on and off for about 9 months. During this time she ended up having 2 one night stands with people she worked with.

The last time she slept with anyone was in the Summer of 07, however, she did go visit the neighbor who moved out in April of 07 a few more times. The last time was in Nov 07 when I went on a 3 day business trip, though she says nothing happened then, she just missed hanging out with him. She actually kneed him in the privates because she was sick of how he treated her.

In Jan 08 I came home from a business trip to find explicit texts on her cell. She said it was nothing but chat but later that night told me she had slept with 3 guys one time each. She said she wanted to make it work and was telling me because she was afraid keeping it from me wouldn't allow us to truly move forward and that there may be the possibility it could happen again as long as she kept it a secret. Telling me divorced her from the situation. I am a man of details and over 3 days found out that the neighbor was more then once, though she claims it wasnt a love issue and she never stopped loving me, it was more of a need to fill some void or something.

For the last 5 weeks I have tried to cope. At first I was having emotional breakdowns almost daily. Her and I are very active sexually which is why I never thought she was having an affair, though I did believe something had happened with someone along the way as there was a difference in her. We have continued to be intimate and have tried things like getting hotel rooms and such. We have always been into roll playing and tried that to keep those times more special.

The problem is, I hurt all the time, and I think about it all the time. I want to be with her, but at times it becomes so hard. I feel even more alone when I am away from her. I hate going home if she isnt there and try to occupy ever second of my life now, though its not possible.

Because of the extent of it all, its hard to create any situation that is different then something she did during her phase and I get emotionally triggered so often. I managed to go 3 days now without a breakdown that results in us talking this to death, but it came at a huge enotional cost to me, I feel drained. It feels unfair that I have to either pretend it didn't happen, or not be able to be with my wife how I want to. I want to be with her and make this work, I just don't know if I can get over this. I am so confused and change my mind on what to do hourly.

She says I have her heart and never lost it, but the other night she asked me if I believe you can fall in love with someone all over again? Doesnt that mean you feel out of love? I do know I lost my girlfriend, as I call her sometimes and I think I lost my friend as well, and we were the best of friends.

I am clueless on what to do.

What is worse, I want to cheat on her now. I almost need to, at least then I wouldn't feel betrayed. I changed so much when I meet her wanting to be a better person and all that feels gone now. I am reverting back into the man I was before I had a reason to be better.

(The first marriage was a sham, I kind of got tricked into it so I really don't count it.)

Don't have a revenge affair. You *will* still feel betrayed and it won't fix anything. I may not be very good at this stuff, but I can guarantee that is a very bad move.

I hope you both have been checked for STD's. She sounds like a serial cheater. She puts herself at risk for one night stands and continued to screw the neighbor while you are at work. She even goes and visits him. She has made a complete mockery of your marriage. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. You have not been married that long and have no children. I don't see how you could possible trust her or feel proud that she is your spouse. She has disrespected and humiliated you in the worst possible way. I would think about seeing a lawyer and get out of this mess. Surely you deserve better than this. How do you think she would be feeling if the roles were reversed? This is just my opinion.

Revenge affair will not make you feel better. It will never make you feel even.

To top it off, I got laid off yesterday. HAHAHA when it rains it pours.

I know a revenge affair is not the way to go, its just how I feel at times.

Understanding that I married her young, I guess I prefer to think of it as her going through a phase she would have gone though when she was single. She had stopped sleeping with everyone 6 months before she told me. She says she told me as it was the only way to ever get the marriage on track, and that is what she wanted.

I don't know.