Well I have just about given up hope. My story is long but will attempt to condense the best I can. Had an internet porn addiction problem 14 months ago. Within 24 hours of WW discovery I had myself in a good 12 step program and had blocking software on computer. Wife supported my efforts but all along I loved to play poker and the porn addiction simply spilled over into a gambling problem. When I gambled I also drank get the picture. There is no doubt I caused my wife so very much heartache. I cannot imagine the pain she must have gone through at times.

Well she threw me out the beginning of August can't blame her for that. Se used some tough love however she placed her profile of dating sites and almost immediately started an EA. During the holidays my children wanted nothing to do with me this finally brought me to rock bottom. I cried out to God and repented and God has and is performing the most amazing transformation of Grace that one can imagine.

However I have just about come to conclusion that the price for my prodigal ways is the loss of my very best friend. Through the entire separation my wife and I had daily contact by phone or in person. Usually had lunch or dinner about once a week. Never had and argument and agreed on everthing with regard to parenting our s7. Never dreamed she was having EA.

After my recommittment to the Lord I expected her to break off the EA and begin R of our marriage. I should say that during that time of separation she filed for divorce. Again I was in such denial about everything that it never occurred to me that perhaps she meant business. Addictions can do that to you. Well for the last two months I have made more of a mess than done any good. At times we have really connected and the fog had lifted and she was my wife for short moments. However for the most part I disgust her and the OM is wonderful. I am sure most on here know the story.

Well Saturday night was the breaking point I drove to the house and the OM was there. To make the story short I very nicely asked him to leave and informed him that this was my home and my wife was still a married woman. He left, the wife was pissed but we talked about it. I spent night on the couch left next morning came back around 10 AM and she blows up like MT. St. Helens. Said the next day that she was getting restraining order and she was staying with affair. What a great job I have done in winning back the love of my life. Really feel it might be over. Didn't get served Monday or today. Learned she was home sick yesterday and think possible same today.

She said on a number of occasions that perhaps God would help her to find her way back to me. I wish I would have let God do the work and not tried to push myself. At this point it really is out of my hands and in Gods. Much more can be said about my personal recovery but for I will leave for later.

Didn't post this until Wed Morning so there is a little confusion in timeline. Does anybody think there is hope for a recovering addict?

Got a call from DS7 last night after I left work. He said mommy dialed he phone for him. Great to talk to him but mom grabbed the phone and said she was so sick she couldn't get out of bed and please come get him. Of course I said you should have called me hours ago and I would be right there.

Got there in 5 minutes and she was sooooo sick and burning with fever. Ran to the market got some meds made sure she took them. Said I would check on her in the morning. She asked me to feed the horses of course I did. Got school clothes for DS7 and left.

Next morning checked on her, still feverish made some soup for her put in thermos and told her to eat it later as she is really run down. Took DS7 to school and had IC appt at 8. IC and I worked on what went wrong on Sat he said that my principles were right but by not leaving when my WW asked was wrong. Oh well can't seem to do anything right.

jimld - One of the hardest parts of my divorce was the fear that I was losing my best friend. As events are turning out, we are rebuilding our friendship and doing it on better grounds since we are both aware of mistakes we made the first time around. To me it is significant that she called you when sick and not OM. It may mean that at some level she finds you more reliable. And its possible that you being there for her while she was sick even after the big argument may open her eyes a little. One bad night, one argument does not a divorce make. There are a lot of people here with a lot more experience in this than me, and they probably have good advice for you. The one thing I will definitely say is that this problem did not get created overnight, it will not get fixed overnight. If you really love her and want to work out things, prepare to spend a long time on the process.

Thanks EOTP I have followed your posts the last few weeks and they have been a great source of comfort to me.

About 1pm today she called asked me if I had taken lunch, I said no but I had to p/u DS7 at 2:30 from school and take him to his speech therapy appt. She said oh thats what I was calling for, I thanked her for the reminder but I had it all under control.

Asked her if she was feeling better, she said a little and that was it.

After therary appt with DS7 took him back to my office and completed my work day. Texted WW to make sure it was okay to stop by on my way back to apt to get school clothes for DS7. She texted back "yes".
Stopped at house got clothes together my WW was in bed watching TV. I checked in on her asked if she needed anything. She said just to get better, I asked if I could pray for her, laid my hands on her head and prayed for the Lord to continue healing her body.

She asked me what was on my mind. Well of course only about a thousand different things on my mind, but I said nothing only that I would like to see her well. She asked me to feed the horses and dogs, I did. Left for my apt with my DS7.

Would love to know what is on her mind though.

moved this thread to general ? forum