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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54 |
Hi again everyone,
H has started saying things about how "he never felt as though we were on the same page about our lives--even though I have ALWAYS felt the complete opposite (similar hopes, thoughts, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc--it all seemed to dovetail perfectly). I was shocked when I heard this. He also revealed that he thinks I am underemployed and unwilling to take risks and get a better job. He said something like "I know you like going to your job so you can play with your friends and have tea parties." He has NEVER said anything even remotely denigrating like this to me in the past, EVER. This is new. Does anyone have any insight into this new rhetoric?
Heartbroken,
E
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
That is foghorn rhetoric and stuff he has been thinking in order to rationalize his affair. As the narcotic wears off, that will go away. But, I am worried about the job comment and that tells me that he might still have some ideas about resuming his affair. He might be testing you out to see if you could get a higher paying job. Just keep your eyes peeled and don't get too upset by anything he says right now. Be like a BLOOD HOUND and make sure contact has ended. If that happens, then recovery is possible.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54 |
Melody, that is exactly what I was wondering. Like, is he setting me up to have a better salary so that he can then leave without all the guilt...yeesh. Would you confront about the comment or let it slide? I asked him last night for specific examples of how "we are not on the same page" and he couldn't come up with one thing that stuck. It felt contrived.
E
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 54 |
M,
Another thing is that we have not yet sent the NC letters. I wanted to give H time to think about what he wanted to say, but I'm wondering if I should just tell him, THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE NOW. Not sure how much pressure to exert or when. Any guidence in this would be most appreciated.
E
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I would not worry too much about what he says right now, but rather what he DOES. He is still foggy from his affair. Ask him about the letter and tell him how much it bothers you!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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