Okay, I am still pretty much new to things. H said he was frustrated with sex life (never thought to mention it to me) so he began surfing sites like Adultfriendfinder to have intimate encounters. Had 2 with women, in their homes, miles from here, but the 3rd one was love-at-first-sight. Besides, she played the lonely, sad victim too well and H likes to be the knight on a white horse. They had an encounter one night while I was off to a retreat, last year. The one night stand became an EA that accelerated to daily phone calls while he was at work, and emails and IMs. This has gone on for a year. I spent from July racking my brain and trying to get him to talk because I was seeing a change in him I couldn't explain, and with our oldest D18 graduating high school, I blamed it on midlife crisis. Dday was Dec. 27 after 2 days of finding receipts for gifts I didn't get for Christmas. He FINALLY admitted they had been together about 5x in the year but he wanted to investigate a future with her because of how she made him feel thru their conversations. Said he didn't love me as much anymore and he moved over to his father's house. Well..after the week from ******, I changed door locks, and admitted defeat. I lost 20 pounds and couldn't let him kill me anymore. I had to be strong for S13. I told him I wasn't going to make demands anymore because he was going to do whatever he wanted and if I said "Don't do it" he would out of spite..but..I also told him that if he could screw around while we are separated, so could I! Surprisingly, on New Year's Day he claims he had a change of heart and says he realized what he was losing and begged to come home.
Well, he is home now, we are in counseling, I am monitoring computer use (keystroke), and he has to tell when OW contacts him at work, but my problem now is that she won't let go and keeps calling him. I have called her and spoken to her but she begged for my compassion to her pain and to let her call H whenever she feels lonely or in pain. Now that I refused and verbally chewed her out, I am receiving alot of phone hangups (about 10 a day). We don't have caller ID but when I do *69 I get the number is private like from a cell. This woman lives 75 miles away and it's not like I can hop in a car and take off, and H won't tell me what she looks like. Says the A is over and I won't be bothered by her again but GEEZ, she keeps calling!
Now..my question is how do I go about getting a photo of OW in case she shows up on my doorstep sometime soon? I need to protect my S and I don't know what she looks like. OW used to sit with H and look thru his wallet so she knows exactly what I look like, and where I live, and where I work, etc. I'm afraid she might approach me or S and pretend to be someone else but she'll just be causing mischief. She told me in the phone call I can't control her actions, so I take her as a threat. Any suggestions will be welcome. Thank you!

Has your WH sent her a NC letter? You might consider sending it with a return receipt in case you need to prove that she received his request to go away.

The vets will weigh in here soon and give you better ideas.

Get a restraining order on her and or change your phone numbers would be my recommendation.

I am no expert so i will leave the reset to them... but those are two things that you could do.

Yes, H sent the NC letter because I mailed it, but he claims he isn't strong enough to hang up on her when she calls him at work. MC said he needs to do this in order for her to understand. I've had phone number for 25 years so I'm not really willing to change that but I was wondering if there was any way outside of hiring a PI to get a pic of her in case she shows up here.

Is there a way to get her picture from adultfriendfinder where he met her?

The only other way I can think of to get a picture is to hire a PI to go get that for you or you could drive to where she lives and see for yourself.

Changing your phone numbers is a good suggestion and have WH change his email address.

W,

Agree, first get the NC letter taken care of and if she still keeps on stalking you and your family, then get a restraining order.

My FWH and I weren't sure that OW was going to leave us alone so we changed our home phone number to an unlisted one and stopped using our old email addresses.

We also sat down and strategized what we would do if she showed up at our door.

Fortunately, it was never an issue since we never heard from her again once she received the NC letter.

Who

The website only keeps unused profiles for 3 months. I already tried that one. They met over a year ago on there and WH says they stopped using the site after they found each other. (yea, gag me!!)
My mother drove down there and took pic of her house because that's where A went on, but OW wasn't home and I don't know where she works.
As for email, WH did all funny business on Yahoo acct which I have now made him cancel. OW said she was worried he was sick or hurt because she received Mailer Daemon saying his email acct was no longer active. Just another reason to call him.

We had the same problem. Scary isn't it? I think talking to OW was a mistake on your part. These women are sad, miserable creatures feeding off the detritus of other lives. She is getting a kick out of the fact that you are reacting. But the good news is that she will get bored and look for a new victim eventually.

I blocked anonymous call receive which is easy to do. Slag then started calling from payphones. I made my H pick up the phone when he was home or let it go to voice mail.

Your H is not helping this by his behaviour. Your MC is right. He is feeling guilty but what he does not realise is that she is a nut job.

Tell your H that this woman is making your life miserable and that you will get a restraining order if she does not stop contact. I bet you will never hear from her again.

Since you have caller ID, simply stop answering calls from any number you don't recognize. If it is an important legit call, they'll leave a message.

After a while, she'll tire of playing silly childish games.

Who

Well OW told WH that she was scared of me because I was so frightening on the phone and he comforted her! MC told him that was another ploy to let OW get more control. She asked WH straight out if he wanted his marriage to work, because if he keeps comforting her, his marriage will end. She explained how they both get something out of those phone calls. He gets a rush from hearing her voice, and she gets another little thread of hope the affair will go on. She also told him that if OW is afraid of me then she needs to get some professional help because a phone call won't hurt you! lol

Yeah and we know how truthful those Slags are


and this is why Slag is doing it. Nut jobs always have an uncanny sense of how to manipulate decent people. Have you thought about making him watch Fatal Attraction?<lol>


and so the addiction goes on. It was Jennifer who finally persuaded my H that he was being cruel to me when he took phone calls from Slag as it meant he was putting her feelings ahead of mine.

But it took a long time for him to see this.

What this tells you is that contact continues. Until your WH stops talking to her, you can not begin to recover your marriage. Contact = continued affair.

Who

If your WH keeps taking her calls, she will keep calling him.

If she keeps calling him and he keeps taking her calls, you will not start to recover.

If you do not recover, you will eventually get tired of being hurt again and again, and divorce him.

So in a nutshell, PHONE CALLS = DIVORCE !!!

If he persists, I would recommend telling him to leave until he is serious about your M, and going immediately into Plan B. He needs to know you are serious.