I know you are thinking to yourself "and thats a problem?" but i dont mean that.

We fight all the time the problem is that once the fight gets to a cretin level she shuts down and turns into a child.

We never can decide on anything. Almost all of our fights just get bottled up inside. We fight about the same things over and over again and neither one of us will budge.

If it ever feels like we could posably be making progress she stats repeating "leave me alone" or "Shut Up" or she just leaves in tears. I don't like to hurt her feelings but she really pisses me off when she dishes out all this crap and then can't take it in return.

We are going on a vacation in 2 days and we will be locked in a car for 7 hours going 80mpg down the interstate and I am am going to try and talk to her.

Do you have any advice or tacts I can use to keep her from jumping out of the car?

I know i'm being a huge [censored] for doing this on our vacation but it needs to be done and i've tried being nice. Its not major stuff but its stuff that in the heat of a fight may cause her to through her self from a moving car.

I know you don't have to agree on everything but this is one of the things that one of us will have to be wrong on. We are moving in June and we have been planning it for 6 months.

Any ideas at all will help I'm a huge idiot when it comes to her feelings.

So you plan on picking a fight with her while you are barreling down the highway at 80 miles an hour? Why would you want to ruin your vacation?

You think you can hold her hostage and that will force her to agree with everything you say and then you will be "right"?

You sound like a right fighter to me. Why does someone have to be right and someone wrong?

Look, until you have more practice at being an adult, why don't you two takes turns being right. Make a list of all your grievances, write them on little scraps of paper and put them in a jar. She picks one and then you pick one. She is "right" about the ones she picks and you can be "right" about the ones you pick.

This is safer than having your wife leave you on the interstate in rush hour traffic!

I know you don't have to agree on everything but this is one of the things that one of us will have to be wrong on. We are moving in June and we have been planning it for 6 months.
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What exactly are you talking about?
Why does somebody have to be wrong here?...If this is a life decision...you BOTH need be on board.....you need to find a way to negotiate and be enthusiastic about the decision.
TRUST ME.....you do NOT want FORCE any major decisions on a spouse who knows what they do not want.

Is this thing you have to agree on have anything to do with you playing video games?

Ya, the video game post...I think he DID FIND another hobby...His new hobby is making posters on MB incredulous over his plans and ideas about marriage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If he was as driven to learn what he NEEDS to hear rather than what he WANTS to hear he would be far better off and much happier.

Well the games is one of the things I had planed on talking about in the car.

The drawing things out of a hat seems like a good idea. I'm going to try that.

We are fighting over how much we will spend on our cost of living. She wants to get back into debt and purchase a washer and dryer. We just now got a whole living room and bed room.

My whole problem is I have been saving every dime we make to get out of debt and I want to stay out. I also don't want to live in a place that cost so much we dont have any extra money.

I really don't think it's a good idea to spend your vacation arguing when you have little enough time to enjoy together as it is. The issues can wait! Let them drop and spend the vacation having a good time and refreshing (and strengthening) your marriage. Then it will be in better shape to address "issues" when you come back!

This is the best time to do it.

If we don't make time for it on our trip we will get back home and fight about it until 2am.

I think I am going to talk with her and we will come up with all the stuff that needs to be in the hat on the way and if she things its a good idea we can draw the stuff also.

Whoa nelly! DrySnot, I thought you said you would start reading some of the articles on this website *hands on hips, frowning at you*! If you are fighting to the point where your wife is crying and telling you to "shut up" I suspect you have not done enough reading.

You are not going to solve your problems by verbally beating your wife into submission. You need to learn how to negotiate! This means you TALK about solutions to the problem of not agreeing on something. When you are fighting, you are not communicating and are not coming up with solutions. You are just hurting each other.

Please, PLEASE read the Policy of Joint Agreement. Share it with your wife. Then talk about the washer/dryer issue. Come up with a way that she can get a washer/dryer without putting you into debt. If she wants it immediately, how about searching craigslist or pennysaver for a gently used set? If she wants new, how about keeping up your saving until you've saved enough and then buying?

You can do this without it being a battle. And just think how much nicer your vacation will be!

I agree you should not get yourself back into debt but the car ride is NOT the time to talk about that. How about spending that time talking about your hopes and dreams for the future? Bring a pen, paper and calculator on your trip. Then while you are on vacation cut out time to work on a budget. You should be budgeting 75% of your net (not gross) income each month. The other 25% should be for building up savings and emergencies that come up. Have HER run the numbers so you aren't TELLING her how much you can afford she is figuring it out for herself.

How about talking to her about there being problems in general and ask her to write a list of things that bother her. You do the same and then compare the lists and go over them. If things start to get heated on one subject put it on hold and go to the next one. You may be surprised at how much you get acomplised if you both don't feel like you are on the defense.

I thought you said you are moving out in June? June is a long way off--why do you need to decide on purchasing a washer-dryer now? Do you know where you are moving to? Many apartments do not allow washer/dryers or they have coin-ops available. I'm also surprised that you purchased furniture already. Where are you storing it? Will if fit in the place you plan on living? Do you even know where you are moving to?

I hate debt also. And I certainly appreciate your need to avoid it after what you have been through. But think about this for a moment: A coin-op laundry will cost you about $20 per week to wash and dry clothes and household linens for the average two-person family. That adds up to $1.040 per year. You can usually find a low-end washer-dryers combos at Sears for about half that amount. So if you charged the combo with Sears and gave them the $20 per week instead of the coin-op, you might be better off...unless, of course, you are planning to do your laundry at your in-laws.

When you compare washer-dryers to other household furnishings--for example televisions, the washer-dryer is a much better investment...and think of all the money you'll save on your cable bill!

DS,
Just checking in to see how the vacation and talk went. Did you make any progress? Did you all have a good vacation?