I have been married for 10yr's. I have 3 girls and i love my wife and kids to death. Well i like to drink beer and play my Xbox 360. its a outlet to play with the guys. She has no intrest in it. Well we got into it about it and how i dont spend any quality time with her and the kids and our love life stinks. Well i finally came out and said it that i hate a dirt bag. I come home everyday do dishes and cook dinners. every other weekend im cleaning toilets and floors and dusting. She does nothing but laundry once a week.Funny thing is i quit doing it all thinking maybe she would get a clue.Nope, so after saying that she couldnt believe how dirty the bathroom was. how could you not notice it. So i give in and say i will lay off the beer abit. I have not drank all week and i have not played on the Xbox. Now here is what quality time with my wife and kids was. Me on the couch, her in the chair talkin on the phone. one daughter playing the play station, one in the computer room. and the other on the laptop. And me sitting there watching what she wanted to watch reality shows. So once again i give up something i like to do. this is the fourth time i have caved in. Once with wood working, 2nd with karaoke, 3rd with fishing and now this. Am i suppose to sit on the couch forever.

No, you are not supposed to sit on the couch forever! If you feel like you are caving in then you and your wife are not successfully negotiating. Have you read The Policy of Joint Agreement and articles on negotiating on this website?

I think what your wife wants is to feel connected to you, but she may be unsure how to recreate that feeling of intimacy. She knows quality time will help it, but you can't just throw yourselves together in a room and call that quality. We can be in the same room and emotionally miles apart. You'll have to find some activities that make you feel closer. Maybe it's watching a show you both enjoy and can discuss or playing cards or just talking. It might feel awkward at first since you're not used to it, but keep trying and I'm sure you'll find a way to reconnect.