okay y'all, im new here and willing to try anything to fix this pickle im in. been married 5 wonderful, splendiferous years, and now its a mess. about Jan 1st hubby said he was "mentally worn out" by life, nothing specific to me he said. he stayed in a very depressing mood for about 1.5 months, then he up and takes a "break" to clear his head. he left me and my son for 4 days to drive around (thats his story). he comes back, says he figured it all out and its work. so we go on a few days (2 maybe) and then he tells me, oh i forgot to tell you, i also figured out i dont love you like a wife anymore.

He is still in the house, wont go to the lawyers or anything..i am just waiting. i can somewhat say i dont think its another woman, he says he just doesnt love me like he should. I try to hold him, try to be normal..but im tired. I know, deep inside me, he does love me, hes just unhappy, pissed at work (hes not going anywhere with it) and i figure i just give him time to figure it all out. but none the less it sucks. theres no affection unless i give it, theres nothing. i know this can be fixed, he just has to find his love for me again..i dont know. please help if any one has any idea on what "i dont love you like a wife anymore" means.

Brea, Welcome to MB. My exH said the same thing to me during our marriage. Not saying it is another woman, however do some snooping. If it is OW then there is alot of information on this site that can help. Everyone here is very supportive and fantastic.

My exH had several A during our marriage and telling me he didn't love me was one of the signs that I noticed was consistent. Also, he would become very argumentative with me and find lots of fault in everything I would do and of course no intimacy. When I finally got wise and started snooping I found that there was OW. I hope this is not your situation, but keep your eyes open.

brea, mine also said that. Among other things. He was involved in an emotional affair.

Snoop. And don't tell him about Marriagebuilders. Read Plan A, Plan B. Good luck.

MAYBE HE HAS DEPRESSION-- NOT AT ALL UNUSUAL FOR A MAN WHO IS FED UP WITH A "GOING NOWHERE" JOB- HE MAY BE SUFFERING LOW SELF ESTEEM, LOW SELF WORTH.... HAS HE SEEN A DOCTOR OR COUNSELOR OF ANY KIND? MY H WAS SEVERELY DEPRESSED AFTER HE HAD AN OJI...OUT OF WORK A LITTLE WHILE-- THERE WERE DAYS WHERE HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT ME AROUND- HE WASN'T EVEN ABLE TO TELL ME IF HE STILL WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO ME-- AND WE TOO HAVE HAD A PRETTY WONDERFUL MARRIAGE... DEPRESSION CAN MANIFEST IN MANY WAYS.... DON'T OVERLOK THIS AS A POSSIBLE CAUSE....

as an update..

last night i asked him, if it can work out and he could find his love for me agian, would he want this to work out and be married to me if he was given a guarentee it was gonna get better..his reply "No". so, there ya go. it was the bigges F U i have ever received. he said he wants to still talk to us (me and my son) and make sure we are okay. he just doesnt want to be married to me. personnally, i dont accept that. so since he has no WANT to work this out and be married to me, even if he had a guarentee that he would love me again..i dont know what else i can do but let him go. I am so distraught over this, i am not blissfully ignorant, it was good 2 months ago. How in the world could i miss this. and about the "staying in our lives" part, am i wrong for not wanting it. he is not the real father of my son, he has been there for 7 years, but i feel he is out of luck.

oh, and no, he wont talk to anyone, i think its depression also..but he doesnt want to read about anything, talk to anyone..NOTHING.

Hello,
Does your husband have depression issues? Maybe he needs to seek advice from a doctor who can help him get through this. I know when I become depressed I do not want to be around anybody. Maybe he needs a mental break of sorts. I would not take it personal....Even though you are baring the brunt of it, it is all about him right now. get some help and support from friends and family.

Fairymom42

I'm new here also, but I would think you need to implement a good Plan A. A good Plan A will help him find his love for you again.

Snoop....ok?

Read up on love busters and emotional needs.

Read up on Plan A.

If he's going nowhere at work, that can lead to depression.

If he's having an affair, be it emotional or physical, that can lead to guilt which can lead to depression.

He is speaking 'fogese'. He doesn't know what he wants or why.

Don't give up yet.

(However, I heard a lot of this - and secretary at x's office called to tell me about the eyebrows being raised at work....concerning another woman.)

((( HUGS!!!! ))))

I am so sorry to hear about your plight. I am myself undergoing a similar situation. My husband loves me but isn't "in love" with me. Says that he loves me like a sister. To me, this is just a cop out. It means that he's not excited by you anymore. He's not in lust with you anymore. My husband has someone on the side that he wants to start a relationship with once we're divorced because clearly he's attracted to her. She's something new and I'm something old. I think that the only thing that you can do is seek out couseling. If he won't come with you, then just go for yourself. I've been seeing a therapist to handle my anguish and anger over all of this and it does seem to help. I am pretty positive that my husband is going through a midlife crisis. ( He'll be 39 in June). You may want to do some research into that and see if his symptoms fit. They fit my husband to a T. I have also had a book recommended to me called "Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high." I haven't read it yet, but supposedly it's very good in helping you converse with your spouse in a non-threatening or emotional manner. It may help you to get to the bottom of his feelings and see where the true problems lie.
I will keep you in my prayers!!

He sure sounds like he's having an affair to me. I love you but I'm not in love with you is CLASSIC. Read Surviving an Affair and everything on this sight. Also, start snooping and find out who the OW is, if she is married and let her H know about it.