I don't know if I'm in the right spot because I'm the one that cheated. Not the other way around. So if this isn't the right place, I apologize. Maybe someone can refer me to the right site. Thank you. Here's what happened.

I cheated on my fiance in a moment of weakness. And it was with someone he‘s friends with. I never cheated before and am totally not like this. Been with him three years and never even thought about cheating. I was just weak one time. Does he deserve to know? He would certainly break up with me. Or is there any I can forget about it, pretend it didnt happen and treat it like a one time thing and a learning experience.

There were some extenuating circumstances. We had gotten into a pretty big fight, I was feeling vulnerable and the guy seduced me. None of that makes it right. I still feel like a scanc. It was just a bad combination of things that led to it.

he does deserve to know and he SHOULD break up with you. Do the honorable thing and do not further your sin by betraying him further Let him make decisions for his own life based on truth.

This was 100% YOUR fault. Don't forget that.

Your fiance deserves to know the truth. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Would you want to enter into a marriage with a person who cheated on you and kept it a secret??? Not to mention a secret that affects your entire life? Building a life on lies is disastrous. It is your responsibility to tell your fiance the truth. You have to face the consequences of your actions by being honest about what happened. Of course he deserves to know the truth..it would be a selfish, uncaring, and unloving act NOT to tell...and only a selfish, uncaring and, heartless person would keep that type of information a secret and attempt to build a marriage on lies.
You can decide what type of person you are...

Of course he deserves to know. And he may choose to break up with you, which is HIS RIGHT. If you don't tell him, you will be DEFRAUDING him into marrying you based on a LIE. That is CRUEL and MANIPULATIVE.

How old are you?

If this is UNLIKE you, what do you think caused you to be WEAK, this ONE TIME. This is definitely how affairs start so you can help OTHERS here who are trying to UNDERSTAND this. Why do you think you did this..this ONE TIME? It's about YOU..YOU have to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for what YOU did, not placing the BLAME on anyone else..like HE SEDUCED YOU.



He MOST CERTAINLY deserves to know. Do you feel like you still LOVE him? I would think so. It is NOW the LOVING thing for you to do to TELL HIM. It is the ONLY way that YOU can begin to UNDO what you have done to him.



It would be understandable and reasonable for him to break up with you BUT you don't know this FOR CERTAIN. If you are truly REPENTANT, if you ask for his FORGIVENESS, if you can make it CLEAR that this will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, if you make it SO that you will NEVER SEE OR TALK to the "friend" again, then there is SOME chance for your relationship...maybe...



This CAN be a valuable learning experience for you if you are BRUTALLY HONEST with YOURSELF and YOUR FIANCE about this...if you DENY and AVOID, you will most likely do this again...



I encourage you to take ABSOLUTE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY WITH NO EXCUSES...

Don't be scared away..I, for one, will continue to talk to you...

No there weren't.

Im 24. We got into a bad fight around the holidays. He was supposed to come to my families house on Christmas. But on Christmas Eve he told me he was going to him families. I felt very hut. But we didnot fight about it right away. I stewed. My mistake. Then it came to a head a few weeks back and we got into a big fight.

The next day he stayed in. studying. I went to the movies with a group of friends. guy drove me home. not unusual. I live on his way. He asked to use the bathroom. That's when he came onto me. Said all the right things. Told me I did not deserve to be treated like that, he would never do that, etc. I think I just needed someone to talk to and he comforted me. And I was stupid.

I say I'm not like that for this reason - only been with three guys - my fiance, a previous bf and this jerk. So I just mean that I've never had casual sex, never cheated on anybody and never even thought about it.

I know the reaction here is justified. I deserve it. Because I did something terrible. But the only thing I can say on my behalf is that this was just ONE slip up. It's far from a habit.

If I was your fiance I wouldn't marry you now. But I'd have a grudging respect for you the rest of my life for telling me.

If you marry and your H finds out ( bearing in mind a FRIEND of his is involved and he will probably find out) it will be very messy indeed.

And you never know if he might even forgive you and marry you anyway, though Dr H would advise that. And I know some good folks who went through with a M after pre-M infidelity and its been a miserable time for both of them mostly.

BZ, you did a stupid thing and the consequence of this are better faced no than later IMO.

He is your fiance. He has a right to know. How can you not tell him> Are you being checked for STD's. You continue to disrespect him by not telling him the truth. Surely you must know this. It is not just about you.

You must be VERY ANGRY at your FIANCEE, BZ. You wanted to do more than just talk to someone. You could have easily just sat there and talked..



THIS IS A MAJOR, BZ. What is REALLY going on with you?

You really don't want to marry him, do you?

Do you have a DATE SET?

Also, your BF needs to know how someone whom he thinks is his FRIEND is actually his ENEMY.

Which makes me NERVOUS about this situation 'cause if your BF was one of my sons who are about your age, you prolly need to tell him in the presence of some of his LOVED ONES..young men that age can be HOT-HEADED these days...

BZ,
If it is just "one slip up" as you say, then do the right thing and admit to what you have done...Don't attempt to minimize your selfish act.... don't attempt to justify your cheating by saying you had a fight, having a fight is not permission to cheat. You handled the situation poorly by accepting comfort from someone else, rather than talking to you fiance. Own that. Make sure that you understand that cheating is never an acceptable solution to relationship issues. If you really want to face up to what you have done and be honest with your fiance, start now...don't allow it to happen again by burying the shame and guilt and entering into a marriage as a "liar"..Your fiance deserves to be informed about what happened in order to make his own decisions, whether that's comfortable for you or not. Do not attempt to make decisions for him about HIS LIFE, by witholding information from him. That really is unconscionable.

If you will look around you will see the devastation caused to betrayed spouses who find out about thier partner's affairs YEARS down the road. By not telling him, you are only extending the time he has to live a lie. Why would you want to start your marriage out as a lie? What does that say about you? How seriously do you take marraige if you're willing to enter into it under false pretenses?

Your fiance may indeed cancel the wedding. That is his right, he deserves to be able to decide if he believes this is a one time thing and an aberration of character for you.

I tend to think it really isn't. You let a guy into your apartment and let him talk you into the sack and you have all kinds of excuses as to why you did that. Know what? You will ALWAYS have those opportunities, and you'll always be able to make up those excuses. Its pretty easy to cheat on someone if you want to and don't value yourself and your integrity, as a woman, all you have to do is NOT say "no", and there you go. Suddenly you were "seduced", and you feel oh so bad, but so far, not bad enough to allow your fiance to make an informed decision about his life and the type of person he is planning on marrying.

Not only that, you're also letting him go along thinking that a guy who is willing to stab him in the back in the worst way possible is his "friend".

If this incident were so "out of character" for you, you wouldn't be having such a hard time understanding what the right thing to do is, would you? I think you do know what the right thing to do is, its evidenced by you posting here. I think you knew it before you had sex with your fiance's friend too. So what are you going to do? Prove that this is not who you really are by telling the truth and accepting the consequences of your poor decisions, or are you going to decend further down into the pit, and allow your fiance to live a lie not of his own making? Your choices define you. Do you like what you see?

Agree with robertswife, this is not a "slipup," but a calculated decision to betray your fiance that happened all too easily. A "slipup" is forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning. This was a decision to ACT. And apparently, it was a very easy decision.

If your fiance were my son, I would advice him to move on because I don't think you are marriage material right now. Certainly you CAN BE marriage material, but you have too many obstacles right now.

IMO, this can be OUT OF CHARACTER for YOU..since you don't have a HISTORY of this..unless you are leaving parts of your history out..and you are YOUNG..and still growing EMOTIONALLY...

BUT I DO THINK SOMETHING IS GOING ON WITH YOU PERSONALLY OTHER THAN A FIGHT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND..

ANY MAJOR PERSONAL LOSSES OR CRISES LATELY??

You are telling us that you currently LACK PERSONAL CONTROL...

I HEAR that YOU WANT TO TELL him and understand your NEED to tell him..

And I agree that I wouldn't want you to marry my son..

YOU MOST DEFINITELY NEED TO BREAK THIS ENGAGEMENT...

But you came here 'cause you are asking for HELP for yourself PERSONALLY...

So, the thing for YOU to do is to TELL HIM and BE HONEST with YOURSELF..

I know deep down I should tell him and will do so. I guess I was hoping someone would talk me out of it. LOL. I just feel a bit confused. This is unchartered waters.

How do you send a private message on this site? I've been trying to do that, but nothing happens when I click on that option.

PM is not allowed on this site

Your fiance has proven that he thinks nothing of breaking important promises and you have proven that you are willing to have sex with any available man in order to hurt your fiance after a heated argument. You BOTH have a lot to learn about becoming thoughtful towards one another and unlearn the thoughtlessness that has become part of both of your behaviors. Until that happens both of you have no business to even contemplate the idea of getting married.

Nevertheless the other posters are correct about your fiance having every right to know about your betrayal for if the roles were reversed would you appreciate your fiance hiding the truth from you out of fear of losing you?

Fear of abandonment should never be a reason to manipulate another human being into staying in a committed relationship.

You haven't answered our questions.

There is NOTHING FUNNY about this.

This situation is in fact potentially DANGEROUS.

He will feel like you have STABBED HIM IN THE HEART WITH A KNIFE...