Well since my soon to be ex has got herself a new person in her life, I went and found a replacement for her as well. I have decided to take this one slow. So far this one looks good, her relationships are looking rocky so perhaps KARMA has bit her in the butt and is going to make her life a mess in return for what she did in our relationship. Time will tell though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

2 hearts - Your timeline has 2 marriages. Was it the STBX both times, or 2 different women? I'm in no real position to comment on your situation, and in my opinion, going slow this time around is a good idea. Good luck.

"Finding a replacement" before getting divorced, and after being suicidal just a month ago, is hardly the foundation of a healthy relationship.

It's a band-aid, and it's really gonna hurt when it gets yanked off.

AGG

Saw your original thread, saw that it was a second wife. Again, this is just my opinion, and this may be a good time to look at what behaviors you had that contributed to the breakup of both marriages. Was it a common factor in your behavior, or the type of woman you chose, or a combination of both. Maybe that will help you recover this one, if you still want that, or be better prepared for the next one.

I agree with AGG, though. I think that a relationship at this stage has a lot of risk. You were suicidal back in January, based on your posts, and the odds of a rebound relationship working out are generally very low, which means you may have more heartache, which could put you back in a suicidal cycle again. Maybe now is just a good time to spend time with yourself. I saw a poster suggest getting a dog. That sounds like a pretty good plan to me (if you like dogs). Dogs are great for giving unconditional love.

2hearts, good to hear from you! How is the volunteering going? Did you pick something?

I agree with others that this looks very much like a rebound relationship. I can tell you first hand that it's going to hurt - a lot - possibly even more than your M (intensity-wise, not necessarily with the same long term effects). I've done a fair amount of reading about this as well as some IC, because like you I didn't want to give up my RR. The strongest message coming through is that it's absolutely critical that you are completely open and honest with this person, including about how you feel about your STBX (which likely changes hourly), AND including having a break-up "plan". You really need to be concious of the fact that this particular R probably won't last. Just because it won't last doesn't mean you can't grow from it. You will get more out of it if you are prepared for the eventual break up - i.e. the ripping off of the band aid.

Note: Take my advise on this with a grain of salt- my 1st RR lasted about 3 or 4 months of super-high intensity emotions followed by a serious crash when we broke up. We got back together and though I'm taking it slow this time and my guard is up, I know the likelihood that this will last is very small and I now conciously try to maintain my own strength and self worth independently from the R.

Dogs smell, shed , and chew on things; have to be taken out rain or shine; have to be cared for whenever you want to get away; unconditional love with a high price tag....goldfish, is the thing.

I'm not a dog person, but I do have a cat. I've been busy with repairing me and doing me best to rebuild the relationship between me and my daughters from 1st marriage. Things seem to be going good so far.

You've been married twice and the second isn't over with yet. New relationship before taking care of that small bit of business. Just why should we be happy to hear that bit of news?

Still around, just don't visit the site much anymore. The 2nd marriage is over...papers were filed...and just recently what would have been the 6th anniversary passed. I do have a really good question to ask those who have been through living hell before:
Does the regrets of ever getting married ever cross your mind? If you could have gone back in time and not gotten married( and for the people who have done it more than once would you have gotten married ever again )?
I have thought back many times as to what might have been the cause of both, but I don't see any common reasons for both. I did find out that ex-wife number 2 was cheating long before we were ever married...so perhaps it is just the women I choose?
I did come to the conclusion that the depression HAS NOT gone away, it still hangs around and accompinied with the yearly depression that has set in...makes for a formidable opponet.
I do know that thinking about #3 sets me off to thinking that there will be more pain and suffering,...not entirely sure if there will ever be a #3 I don't think the remains of my heart will ever be capable of expressing or feeling love again.

Good to hear from you! I'm glad you've been able to move on.

As for #3, this sets off red flags for me. Since I'm married, I admit being alone isn't as scary for me as it must be for you, but I want to point out that many people walk into mistakes ONLY because they feel they have to be with someone, that someone has to love them or they're unworthy, that they need daily strokes from someone who chose to marry them...see what I'm getting at?

Thinking about a #3 is, to me, symptomatic of your deeper need to be loved (or something; I'm not a psychologist). Especially since you're thinking of it so soon after #2.

Did you ever go for the volunteering? IMO, it is the NUMBER ONE way to get out of depression. It takes your thinking off of yourself, it shows you that many people are in worse shape than you, and it obviously helps someone else who will be so grateful to you. Please consider it.

I've been helping at the food banks in the area where I am now living. Most of those people are elderly who help out and the ones who come in for food are also elderly or mexicans...not much connections there so can't compare it to my life.