I am a stay at home mom, and my husband works mon-fri 8:30-6pm, and I am very Thankful for all the hard work he does for us!
At night when it is time for bed all I want him to do is pick one thing to help me with and there are three things left to do, clean up toys, wash dishes or put them in the dishwasher or change our daughters diaper and put pj's on her,and sometimes he helps and sometimes he does not more not, and so I ask him to help me everynight with one of those 3 things it does not matter which one but he does not realize how one little thing can make a difference in my time and when I asked him to please help he said he will help me when he wants to and that he will not help everynight he said he works and I am at home all day and have down time sometimes and he only has down time when he gets home and wants to relax but I am not asking him to be a maid and clean our entire apt, I do the housework, and he does relax when he gets home everynight, the only time I ask for help is at the end of the night before bed and that is the problem! I know I am a stay at home mom, but my days feel like they never end because I am always doing something wether it be cleaning, laundry or taking care of our daughter, just because I am at home all day does not mean I am always relaxing there is stuff to do and I get it done! Any advice on this issue?

Do a search on this site for Selfish Demands. I'm not saying that what you want is a selfish demand, but ANYTHING can come across that way. In describing selfish demands, Dr. Harley describes the alternative, Thoughtful Requests. Read about how to make a THoughtful Request, and see how that works.

Thanks for your reply and I can see where you are coming from but I am not asking out of being selfish because I just ask him to help with one of those things at the end of the night, I do not ever ask him to clean our apartment or do laundry I do it all and do not mind I just like help at the end of the night so we both can go to bed togther that is all.

We are agreed on one thing. You are NOT making a selfish demand. I didn't mean to suggest that you were. However, the way to LOVINGLY make a request that has a chance of being honored is described in the concept of a "Thoughtful Request"

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html

Use the link above to see the article of which I was writing. Scroll down until you see the paragraph on Thoughtful Requests. When you ask H for help, use the steps Dr. Harley reccomends. See if that works any better than what you have been doing.

I have not got a chance to read it I only read a pargraph becuase I am about to go to bed, thanks for the link I tried to look for it earlier but could not find it, tonight was easier because I did not say anything, I was getting stuff done, and then I started to get our daughter ready for bed and he offered to put her pj's on and change her diaper and I asked him was he sure it was what he wanted to do and he said yes and it was great we both communicated and it was peaceful, I am glad he offered and I did not have to ask maybe our talk helped!! I have been reading alot on this site and I brought out our books from when we had to take marriage classes before we got married in 2004, and so I think we are on the road to better communication! We have a great relationship though but are just working on communication! Talk to you later thanks have a good night!