in my case i do feel in ways i have had justice for my exes infidelities.

i know my ex can't stand that my life is going so well, that i am almost done my bachelor's degree and have such a good job now. i know this because, 3 years later after him leaving he is STILL trying to sabotage my life, and every single time he does it backfires on him.

i do believe what comes around goes around and i do believe that "vengance is mine sayeth the lord"

it may take time, sometimes years, but i do believe justice eventually happens.

my best revenge if you can call it that, maybe a better word is motivation, is to live my life to the fullest and not let him see that i may have ever shed a tear over him. i will have 2 side businesses going by the end of the year plus the good job i have now. i am doing very well for myself (thank you god).

as far as would i literally kill someone who touched my kids? you would have to hold me back that is for sure. but, i would never do anything that would take me away from my kids. trust me, as much as my ex and i don't get alone, we would agree on what should happen to someone who did that. my ex is a prison guard so he would make sure that whatever prison the person went to, everyone would know what they were in for. the person might as well be wearing a sign that said "child molester". THAT would be enough justice for me. to know that every single day they were in there they would experience the same nightmare over and over and over.

mlhb

LC, i too am so sorry for your losses. but you are right, you WILL see them again one day. AMEN!

mlhb

Lady C and Snuggles, a big hug and a reminder of how blessed we are to know our babies are safe and that we will see them again.

Regarding the beat up/kill the molestor or not question, try having the molestor(s) be kids. Horrible things, but the "perp" is only a 10yo boy, or 4yo girl. All the same anger is there, but without a legitimate target, and only the hope that someday the original adult molestor(s) of the junior molestors can be caught and punished.

Being betrayed was not the worst thing I have experienced.

A surprise to many, I'm sure.

Not worse than the childhood molestation, which went on for 3 years. Or the rapes. Or being beaten by my father too many times to count. I kept track of the many times only by remebering which house they happened in....we moved a lot.

Not worse than dealing with my brother's two suicide attempts, or the fact that he believed the time my dad tried to hit me with the chair happened to him. See, my life as a child was so messed up, that my brother's psyche morphed my abuse into his mind as happening to him - he so wanted to save me and couldn't stop my dad - so the only way his childish mind could save me was to believe the beating happened to him and not me. Later on, he tried to kill himself when he realized he didn't stop my dad, that I suffered and he did not save me. His own remorse, when it should have been my father's. Somehow, this pain and dealing with my brother and trying to heal this family from the brokenness was much more painful than this affair.

This all happened on the heels of the tragic death of my other brother.

Healing my FOO was like trying to repair shattered glass. The cracks will always show, it will always be fragile. And it will never be the same - and for that matter, no one would want it to be the same. It was a mess. Now, it is workable.

That kind of pain held on for years. I prayed to God to make me forget what happened. To black out my memories. God answered that prayer with a resounding "no".

The pain lasted many years.

This affair pain, it is passing in just 2 to 4 years. The nightmares are down to once in awhile, and only when I sleep. Compared to back then? They were every night, and sometimes when I was wide awake.

I count the affair as easier, on my comparison scale of pain in my life. Then again, everything is relative.



As to the question of anyone going after my kids? I cannot begin to know my reaction. Not good, I would venture to guess. I know my reaction when a child told me recently that he was being physically abused at home and I had to report it to child services. I was a complete basket case for two days. They didn't know what to do with me at work, and I had to tell the work psychologist why I was a mess. That child started talking, and I became 7 years old in an instant. So I believe I would not handle it well at all.

SB

so many tragic child hood stories.
i am a social worker, i see these things a lot.

i think you hit it right on the nose schoolbus, it is all relative. everyone will have a different answer.

i have to say, the infidelity, as awful as it was, was not the worst pain i have ever gone through. that is just ME though.

mlhb

It is just as interesting to hear from those of you where infidelity was not the worst pain. Schoolbus, you have overcome more than most people ever have to think about. But through your pain you have been such an inspiration and help to others, as well.


No matter where infidelity vs. the other events of our lives fell on the Pain-o-meter , we are ALL heroes, we are ALL wonderful, and we are ALL blessed.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

i like to believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. maybe not right away, but every situation can be turned into an opportunity.

growing up as i did, with an alcoholic father who cheated a lot, and a "not very warm and fuzzy, not very affectionate" mother turned me into a very empathizing caring person thus the line of work i am in. i have a heart to help others. i feel their pain as if it is my own. i hardly ever got hugs growing up. i hug and kiss my kids so much they think i am nuts! i also tell them all the time how much i love them. i can't even remember being told i was loved when i was a child.

infidelity caused me to take a good long look AT MYSELF and what I NEEDED to change in me. it caused me to sink or swim. i chose to swim.

so many things in our life are out of our control. it is what we do with those situations that matters most.

mlhb

Hugs to all of the posters for their past hurts.

While my ex's betrayal was extremely painful to me, it was not the worse pain I can imagine. He CHOSE to leave me. It is much sadder for me when someone I love is TAKEN away.

{{{{Believer}}}}

I have no trouble at all believing you have experienced worse pain than infidelity. No question, what you have been through is worse. Your strength is amazing.