About 5 months ago me and my husband moved into a new apartment. We were very excited and everything was great...for a couple weeks. We had been fine before we moved in and had been living together for 3 years prior. Everything changed when he met the neighbor woman. He started spending hours outside talking to her and completely neglecting me and our now 18 month old son. He was almost obsessed with her and I was so hurt by it. I asked him many times to stop talking to her that it just wasnt right but he would just say that she was a friend and only that. That I was just being jealous and for me to get over it. I knew different though. A couple weeks after that I found out I was pregnant again. I was devastated because he was still talking to her and I just felt an end coming. He told me he loved me and everything would be fine and this new baby was welcomed. He said he would stop talking to her and that it was over with her. 2 weeks after that he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore.

Currently we are still living together while I am trying to get things straightened out. Things just never seem to be going my way lately and I am trying my hardest to get my life in order so that he can move out. I was totally dependent on him. I had no car or license or job. I was strictly a stay at home mom so it is taking some time getting these things in order. He is still seeing her, staying the night with her every night and talking to her most of the time he isnt working. I try to stay away as much as I can, practically living with my cousin across the street so I dont have to be around him. Ive made it perfectly clear he can see his son whenever he wants to but that I do not want to be around him. I am acting strong on the outside, moving on with my life, acting like I do not want anything to do with him. Which is what Ive read is the best way to handle a situation like this. He believes I do not want him and that I am completely ready to live my life without him. But really inside it still kills me every day and I miss him more than you can imagine. I am sad when I feel this baby kick and when I see my son smile. I cannot believe what he has given up for this woman. I cannot believe he has done this to us, and I never saw it coming.

Now here is the part that is confusing me. He gets so angry with me because I dont want to "spend time" with him. He gets upset when I see anyone else (a date or a male friend). He says I am an awful person for not wanting him to touch me or hug me or even to be around him. He asks me 100 questions about what I do at my cousins and wants to know every detail of any man I talk to. But what does he expect from me? He is going to another womans house every single night! I just CANT want to be around him or let him touch me. He says he isnt having sex with her and he doesnt really want to be with her but I dont care. Its wrong to me. I believe that if he really wanted to be with me he would stop seeing her so why doesnt he? He cant possibly want to spend time with me and hug and kiss on me if he doesnt want to be with me. I am so confused by all of this. I dont know what to think about him anymore. He makes half of me think he wants to be with me and the other half think he doesnt. I am continuing to move on and I am NOT waiting around on him I just really dont understand why he acts like he wants me but makes no effort to get me back.

Why is he acting like this and am I doing the right thing by moving on or should I be trying to get him back? I just really dont know anymore. I do want to be with him but it would take ALOT of work and he would have to stop talking to her completely. Even if they are just "friends".

Hello M2E. Welcome to Marriagebuilders although we all wish you didn't have to be here.

I don't quite understand where you got "Which is what Ive read is the best way to handle a situation like this".
Read the infidelity section on this web page and the stuff that is on the forum "Just found out" which is for newly betrayed spouses.

According to Dr. Harley, you should be either in plan A (showing him that you can be a good wife and exposing the affair to all) or in plan B (having absolutely nothing to do with him, not seeing or talking to him, but also not dating or seeing others). These are the steps on the narrow path to surviving an affair.

He is cake eating, seeing you and his lover (called OW=other woman) and this is bad for everyone.

Get the book "surviving an affair", but in th meantime read everything there is on this site about infidelity.

Have you exposed his affair to those who may have an influence on him? (parents, siblings)?

hopefully others will chime in soon and give you some more ideas.

I think you're husband is a typical cake eating wayward spouse... They have a sick mind and trying to understand it can be exhausting. Based on what you’ve said he’s very conflicted. He wants his cake and eat it too ... so to speak... He wants to see the other woman and continue to be married to you.

First you need to ask yourself “do I want to save my marriage?” if the answer is yes then you’re in the right place.

You need to give us some more back ground on your marriage.... You’re story....

You need to read the basic principles on this web site. Watch the infidelity video on this website. Educate yourself there’s tons of information on this website... get the Book “Surviving an Affair”.... (It’s for you not him) and I would suggest “His needs Her needs for parents” too.

M2E, I’m sorry you’re here but this is a good place to be if you want to save your marriage. The Marriage Builders principals and lifestyle work. There are many success stories on this forum testifying to that. But remember there are no guarantees that it will work for you.

Amazin