Hello everyone! I've been reading here for days and knew it was time to sign up, I was referred here from a friend on the Divorce Support forum, so thanks to them...

Anyway, I came home early from a business trip and caught my FWW with OM in our bed in our house with our kids asleep in the next room. I was crushed, I filed for divorce the next day. (this was 7 months ago) I moved out. We settled all the divorce stuff and have joint custody of our 2 beautiful girls.

I conceded everything, took nothing but my car and my clothes. I didn't want my daughters' environment to change any more than it already had. Just when I'm amidst recovery and beginning to feel a little better about myself, we begin talking of reconciliation.

All of a sudden the negotiations cease, and I am left wondering why? Well then I find out thru a friend that my fww is pregnant with OM's kid. The whole time we were separated she tells me she is not seeing him and that it was a huge mistake.

So, thats all a bunch of lies. In fact, she wouldn't tell me of the pregnancy when I first confronted her with it. So , now I'm back to not eating well, not sleeping well, pretty much drinking myself to sleep. It's like I'm almost back to square one. I beleive that even though I am not looking at reconciliation anymore, that I need to implement a type of Plan "B".

Because talking to her is only confusing me, and I am not getting over this, which 7 months isn't that much time anyway. She refuses to take any responsibility for what she has done, and I do not want our girls growing up thinking that her behavior/decision making skills are normal.

I said that to her and she replies with "my life is not as f**ked up as you make it sound". To which I told her that you even admitted that it was on the phone when she finally came clean about the pregnancy. I feel that I have a right to know what the future hold for our daughters. Any help on Plan "B"ing it would be appreciated. ******, any suggestions/advice would be helpful in this trying time...

Thanks,
-B

get this woman out of your life. You were feeling better and now look where you are at. That should tell you something.

You can interact with her when it is absolutley necessary and only about the kids. Otherwise, have no contact with her at all.

I would NOT suggest a Plan B at this point as I think your best course of action would be to try and get FULL custody of your daughters. That is the only way you can assure their future and their safety.

Please stop "drinking yourself to sleep every night".

You need to focus on being the best dad you possibly can be, because your WW is certainly not going to be the best mom she can be.

It is time to rise up.

I absolutely agree. Drinking yourself into oblivion to fall asleep at night will only bring you more pain and suffering in the end.

You already stated the answer.

When you are around your wife you become depressed. When you aren't around her you feel hope.

Plan B is traditionally used to protect the betrayed spouse so they don't lose anymore love for there spouse until the affair ends(as almost all do) so there can be a chance of recovery. A plan B letter is written informing the spouse on the removal of all contact and what conditions need to be met to begin recovery.

Since you are already divorced why don't you just remove yourself from her?

You should only communicate with her when it pertains to important matters about your children. It is extremely harmful to your mental/emotional/physical state to contnue communication with her especially if it drives you to drink..
Since you are already divorced, there is no reason that you have to continue any other communication with her.

MEDC nailed it on the head!

What you said in your original post made me shiver! I'm thinking, "Please lord, don't let him say he left the girls with her." Your ex is too irresponsible to have joint custody. The way you found her with OM is a perfect example.

Quit drinking, sober up. Please be a strong dad for your girls. Contact your atty and fight to get full custody of your daughters. They deserve to be safe with you. Their mother doesn't have their best interest at heart.

GL

Jewel