Rock,

Is it OK to send a call-out to RIF to come over here?

I am so sorry to hear this news. I have been through many D-days, as you know. This certainly explains some of Mrs. Rock's continuing struggles.

You are still a hero in your family. Don't lose sight of this.

Many waywards keep going in their As long past any point we could have imagined going in to this. My H included. I don't see your case as hopeless yet.

everyone trying but YOU RS. Come on...what's your payoff for just sitting by and watching your wife screw man after man? There has to be a reason you are just letting this happen without so much as a retort.
What were you expecting from people here? You sort of seek out advice and then do NOTHING. This isn't a place for you to just come and journal about your life. This is a place that requires that you do something to improve your marriage and lot in life.

Am I missing a big piece of this story? How is he a hero to his family?

RIF has been my support on the side for quite a while now. He has been my support throughout this. There are no words that I can tell him to thank him enough.

And he hasn't told you to expose or to tell OM's W?

I was once where you are now, waiting for my W to "snap out of it", and not wanting to rock the boat or get her fired. So, I am now divorced, so I guess I can speak from some experience.

Sitting around waiting for your W to "snap out of it" is not going to happen, you need to take some action instead of waiting...

AGG

Rock:

Have you considered calling the Harleys about this?

-ol' 2long

Rock, I hope that you will stick around and not be pushed away. While there may be some vocal people who do not want to assist you, there are many others who will. RIF is a great guy, so don't quit on him.

Rock, I know it seems that you're so far under that you'll never get your head above again - you will find that when you start making choices and acting on those choices (as opposed to just reacting to your wayward wife, or trying to work your choices around her) you will discover that you will regain a sense of power.

A person loses sense of their own capabilities and the power they really have when they give up make conscious choices about their life and their children's lives.

Have you told your wife about the ivillage discovery? I'm not encouraging you to do so, just wanted to know if she knew you know?

How are your children holding up? This kind of tension can't go on between mom and dad without little hearts picking up on it. We need to get you pumped up enough to make active decisions on their behalf - they need a hero. And that hero is you.

Thanks graplin.
Yes, RIF has encouraged me to expose to OMW. That's about as far as I'll go with RIF and I. He is a great guy to say the least.

Well, FWIW, I did not expose to OM's W until after my WW moved out and I went to Plan B. The affair ended the next day. But, I waited too long, so my marriage did not recover. If I were you, I would act today instead of tomorrow.

AGG

Would you mind explaining why you haven't done this?

I mean, what do you have to lose?

rock,

I've read your thread. I'm not quite sure why you haven't exposed your WW to her OM's wives.

That would at least start busting up the fantasies on the part of the OM. It would create turmoil in their lives, and this often spells disaster to the affair.

Also, it can start your own recovery course, because it puts your wife into the position of having to face consequences - that is, she HAS to see the affairs with the bright light of day shining on them. They won't be so "cool" then. The ugliness will not be so appealing when others are standing in judgment of her behavior.

It will not be easy to do.

But you should give this tactic some very serious consideration, because you have given her over two years and she continues to do whatever she wants. Time to stand up and play your cards, because if you want this marriage to work

standing by in the bleachers

is not going to cut it any longer.

Expose.

SB

Rock,

I'm only saying this because I'm your friend. You need to sack up and start exposing. I know that you are worried about the consequences of exposing, but I promise, the consequences of NOT exposing will be much worse. You CAN do this. You need to do this. By not exposing, you will just be condemming yourself to a lifetime of this he11. You don't want that. Actually, it won't be a lifetime because as soon as your daughters graduate high school and go to college your WW will leave you (if not before, and by then, you'll be done with her as well). Don't make this a marriage of convenience where you get walked all over. Stand up for yourself and your family. What about your daughters? You need to be an example to them about how to handle yourself in a marriage. Do you want them to think it is okay to check out of a marriage? Do you want them to be WW's or worse yet, stay in a marriage doing nothing while their husband cheats on them. Just keeping that status quo has grave consequences that you aren't even considering. Does our and Dr. Harley's advice apply to everyone but you? I don't think so. You know what you need to do, Rock, just go ahead and do it.

Rock,

I was out of town until a few days ago and just now saw this. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this.

Have you come up with an exposure plan yet? You need to do it and do it soon.

Just curious, does your WW know you know about her iVillage stuff?

LC

Rock,

Where are you now vs a few weeks ago?

It's time to show her the consequences of her actions.

You do realize what behavior she is modeling for your girls, right? You don't want your girls to be like her in this way do you? You aren't protecting them you are showing them it's OK to walk all over the men in their lives.

Rock, now is the time to get tough. You can do this and you will have support to help you get through it.

LC

Oh Rock,

I am so sorry about what's going on with you. Your wife's postings are chilling and even in my foggiest days, I had no fantasies (so to speak) that what I was doing was right, okay or that I would continue it indefinitely. The moment I saw the pain on my husband's face, which I will NEVER FORGET, it was over. Even though I was unsure of the marriage, I could not continue to inflict that pain.

I have to say that I agree with the hardline posts you have received in your thread. Coming from having followed your story for what, about 2 years? I can't imagine you are still allowing this.

She says she is going to ride it out. She knows she can, because you've always let her. No consequences. No NC. No exposure. No plan B. Why should she ever stop?

You know darn well she isn't going to wake up one day on her own. At this point, I almost doubt she ever will.

I'm so sad for your daughters who have to grow up with this, (no private school is worth that). But most importantly, I am so immensely grateful I finally pulled my own head out of my a$$ a long time ago.

MAZ

Rock,

You said she lost a child? When? What were the circumstances?

Perhaps a switch flipped when this happened?

In some bizarre way her serial cheating might have something to do with the loss. Could she be trying to punish you in some way for the child's death?

Are you surgically sterilized? Maybe she subconsciously wants to replace this lost child?

I'm not trying to make this more difficult for you than it already is or excuse her outlandish behavior. But sometimes we need to understand problems to fix them.

Thanks MAZ and pieta.
We lost our 5 day old son back in 1997. I don't know what,if any, reason would flip a switch as far as infidelity goes.
I do know that is about the time that she turned her back on God, sort of, and still holds onto some anger towards Him for taking her child.
I don't think that it has anything to do with her recent choices. Believe me, I have tried very hard to figure out her choices. I don't think I ever will.
Thanks for the post.
Rock

Please.

The reason people cheat is a lack of morals, integrity, character or appropriate boundaries. They don't do it because they lost a child.

Have you exposed these affairs yet?

Rock,

This thread is painful to even read. More than anything I have read here, it made me feel like I was eavdropping into someone's nightmare.

I think that you have sat by and watched things get worse. It is kind of like when you are trying to merge into traffic on to a very busy street. The longer you wait, the harder it is to go.

Think of it this way. What if your WW decides she doesn’t want to be married any more, what if she ends up with custody? Stranger things have happened yanno. Do you want your DD13 exposed to any number of OM coming and going into and out of your WW’s bedroom. What message is being sent DD13 right now. Honest, you may someday find your DD13 blaming you for not doing something.

Your WW is laughing at you. Her lack of respect for you is so blatant on the affair support board that it was embarrassing to read. She knows that she can do whatever she wants and that you will do nothing. How long until she pushes the envelope even farther?

Just where is the line in the sand?