First time poster so please no acronyms as I do not know them all quite yet.
My wife and i are having some difficult times right now and i do not know which direction to take. We have been married for 10 yrs and have 2 beautifl kids (6 & 4).
I have done some things in my past that i have truly regretted and have asked for forgivenss - i negelected my wife when she needed me the most and i was not there to support her from an emotional need. I feel that a lot of the dissention between us has caused us to drift apart was because of my actions. I have read this site in its entirity, have addressed each of my issues and developed a plan to fill her bank with love deposits, opened the door to discussion (not a good trait of mine), have made the commitment to everyone around me including myself to change with the positive attitude.
we have read "the five Love languages" and did the excercises
completed the emotional questionairre with open discussions (we had very similar answers - is that a good sign or what?)
seeking councelling
recognized the areas i need to work on
i have expressed how much she truly means to me mostly written and in words, sometimes song sometimes verbally
i have or am continuing to learn how to appreciate her, respect her, love her, support, her, cherish her, etc. because i absolutely do.
i am continuing to make strides forward to restore our marriage (as is she)
I dont think she would have done the things she has done if she didnt have hope or beleive in the rebuilding - that is keeping me going and beleiving that we can restore what we once had
i am confused as to what she is saying to me that she is done but yet she continues to work on the things we discussed....what do i read into this?
this statement absolutley terrifies me - Try "choosing" to be attracted to those you associate with some of your worst experiences -- it's almost impossible. <- can this be reversed by continuing to make deposits or feel like you are making deposits?
when do you give up hope
when do you realize that it is over - i truly cannot face this or beleive it to be true because of what we are working towards.
I beleive because of my neglect in the past that she can not forgive me and doesnt think we can make it and restore our marriage - if that is true why is she making the efforts?
Mother-in-Law told me something this morning - my wife doesnt want to be with any other man but if there was a man in her life it would be me - i trust that too be true
Why am i fearful to grant her her space for fear that she wont come back?
She finds no comfort in me as she still recalls the past when i wasnt there when she needed it the most. how do i overcome this? how do i help her let go of the past? I am there for her every step of the way, hurt, pain, crying, joyful and sorrow.
she says to believe and has a glimmer of hope and to me that is enough for us to rebuild a foundation on but why is she giving up on that hope so quickly - is it because of the hurt i caused in the past? how do i show her otherwise that it is not the case now and moving forward.
I know i have hurt her in more ways (emotionally) that have caused us to be in the position we are in and have confessed those sins to her and to Him and asked for forgiveness, she cannot not forgive me of that as it is continually brought up in arguements.
she said she is done with it all but i find myself so confused as to why she is working towards resolution - what am i missing?
i truly beleive that she is being honest with me by saying that she is not going anywhere but i am not sure i understand
she says she loves me but its like the love of a brother - how do i change that?
How can the love be restored?
Mother-in-Law also said that I was not her type - that really hurt so i say to myself then did i just waste 15 years with her i dont think so...yes we come from very different backgrounds and upbringings...we do have a lot in common and similar intersts. we fell in love, we connected and we do the things or at least we did the things that were meaningful.
In alot of cases it was because of my ignorance and stubbornness that i didnt heed her words and actions...beleive me if i could turn back the hands of time to repair the mistakes i made to her i would this second but i cant change the past no one can all i can do is learn from those mistakes so they do not happen again.
we broke up once while we dated as i lost those feelings for her and was told that i made the biggest mistake of my life...i listened to those words and realized that i did make the biggest mistake of my life and want her to be by my side, grow old together, laugh together, cry together, etc.
Have i pushed her so far away, because of my neglect, ignoranace, selfishness, that i can't udo the hurt and the pain?
when is it past the point of no return
can i(we) restore what we once had?
she sees the changes i have made and she is proud of those changes but it does nothing for her
she gets knots in her stomach when i touch her or hold her hand or kiss her on the cheek
i tell her i love her every day
i kiss her before i leave as if it was the last time - i have always beleived that to be the best
i want to be with her every single minute of every day to make up for all the hurt i have caused her but she "rejects" it - why?
is our marriage irreprable?
can she love me again as she once did ie the special love and bond we had as we continued our jounrey together?
she also said it has been 3/4 months that you have changed and it has done nothing for her
we try to be intimate and she has tried but she cannot bring herself to continue (october 07 was the last)
we do hold hands. we do cuddle at night in bed (she initiates it just as often as i do ie just to be close) - why am i confused with the message that is being sent?
I miss her so very very much....what can i do and where can i look for the strength to continue this fight - this is the biggest fight of my life.
I really need some guidance and some adivce.....
