My wife and I are 22 and 23 respectively and have been married for 8 months. Two nights ago I found out that she was cheating on me with a co-worker at the restaurant she works at. That same night we went out to dinner and a movie had a great time and seemed completely happy. Later on that night she already had plans to go out with some people from work with has done a few times before and sometimes I went with her. On her way home she text me that she had made out with a girl something that she had always wanted to do and was okay with. She was so turned on by that experience we made love and afterwards started talking about how it happened. I found out the girl was married but in an open marriage. We discussed her plans to further explore with this girl, but when I said it was fine as long as her husband wasn’t there watching or joining in I noticed she cut her eyes at me. I asked why she did it and then came this whole spill of information that I had no idea she was hiding. She said it would be okay if I slept with another woman, when I disagreed that I felt the same way, she said that she felt like we got married to early and that she doesn’t feel like she got to go out and be wild like I did before our relationship. Then she said there was something missing between us now that hasn’t been there a while. That feeling of butterflies in her stomach when she sees me or is around me is gone she said. She said she needed that feeling. So when I asked her how we were going to change things she said I’ll quit work which threw my suspicions threw the roof. I said, “What’s at work?” “Is there someone there who you have these feelings for?” she said yes then I asked, “Have you already done anything with him?” “yes,” she said. She had only kissed him though and the first night it happened was that Tuesday night. The first night we had had sex in 3 months. She gave him a ride home from work and she kissed him in her car before he got out, then she drove home and had sex with me, I was disgusted. Then I asked her if he was there tonight and if they had hooked up again. She said yes.
I have never been filled with so many emotions at one time; I was angry, heartbroken, crushed, emptied, disgraced, & disappointed. I yelled in anger at her and stomped around the room yelling about a divorce but then something came over me and I started to calm down laughing out loud , she looked at me puzzled, as I told her I didn’t really mean anything I just said and that through all of that I still loved her. We began talking about solutions to the problems we face and have been for a day and a half now. I have gotten her to end the affair and quit her job we she saw him everyday, a good step to avoid temptation, but by doing so I have also cut off her only support system she has here in this new town we live in, the only friends she has are from work. She is sad now because she can’t go out with her friends for fears that he may be there and that her emotions may get the best of her. I’m afraid she resents me for it, and I don’t know what to do about that. I have told her I never thought that I could stay with someone who cheated on me, but do now because the love I have for her much much more than the hurt that she caused me. We are at the point now where we are talking about our future and separation is defiantly in the picture, but I don’t want it to be. She’s 50/50 on what to do, she’s confessed that she’d be crazy to leave someone who cares so much for her, treats her like a queen, provides everything she needs and strives every minute to make sure she’s happy, but she also confesses she needs that feeling of butterflies. She says she cares for me, never meant to hurt me, never thought she would be a cheater, loves me but isn’t in love with me and needs to be in love with someone she’s with.
I love her with all of my heart and want this marriage to work out and I need some advice about how to talk to her about filling the void that she had been relying on him to fill. Any help would be absolutely wonderful

I think you have some major problems here. She has cheated on you twice with a man and a woman and you have only been married 8 months. This is your honeymoon period. She talks about exploring with another woman. She tells you it is O.K. for you to seek out another woman. She feels bad because she has not had a chance to date other people.

I think the handwritting is on the wall. She is way too immature to be married and has very little boundaries. I do not think she understands the meaning of what being married is.

You do not have kids. You may wish to think about an annulment. By the way rarely do they tell you the whole truth of what went on. The chances are pretty good the other woman's husband was present and probably participated. You have been married 8 months and she does not have sex with you for the last 3 months. I wish you luck but she says now she just cares for you but not in love with you. I think the reality is that it is doubtful your relationship can last with her attitude. I suggest you learn to protect yourself seek a lawyer for understanding your options.

If it is that important, then why didn't your wife bring up the issue of having had missed out in having sexual experiences with other men before she married you? That would have been the appropriate time when the idea of an open relationship should have been discussed and both of you could have come to an agreement for or against it (even 'kicked the tires' so to speak). The talk of an open marriage is very common in marriages where one spouse is having an affair and wants to legitimize it by convincing his/her spouse of the benefits of having extra-marital sex. Chances are very good that if the roles were reversed that she would not be thrilled with you having had sex with another woman nor accepting of the idea of an open marriage.

Ask yourself this, is your love for her such that if these events had happened before you married her, would you still have gone ahead and married her? If the answer is no or ambivalent then you should think really hard about the wisdom in remaing married to her.

I want to thank both of you for your opinions, and will keep everything you said in mind. However, I respecfully disagree with the notion of just giving up because we don't have kids or are not finacially bound together. I have always been a fixer, and today was the frist time i have ever vistited this site. I printed out all of the Questionarres and policies and plan to ask her to agree to do these things with me tomorrow. If she is willing, i think it will be a step in a positive direction, we have also discussed moving back to our hometown where our friends and families are. While i still disagree with what Bryanp and NutChecked advised if anyone else has any input, More of the same or different i ask them to still post.

Sorry to hear about that. I can honestly say and understand what u are going through. Every door u open leads to the same place. Nowhere. Everything U say and do doesnt't connect with you're new wife. I'd say after only 8 months, a mistake can happen with and old fire but 3 is too many in that short of a stretch. Decisions are never easy to make and going with you're heart is giving you headaches cause u dont want to lose her. Hit me up and we can talk about it more I am currently in a heck of a mess myself. Never give up and sooner or later the sun will come up [color:"blue"] [/color] [color:"green"] [/color] [color:"red"] [/color] [color:"red"] [/color]

Just to get it out there it was only 2 people one guy and one girl. I told her previously before we got married that it was okay if she ever wanted to explore with women & she had my permission. Just throwing that out there so technically she has only cheated on me with the one guy and only kissed him twice, becasue last week was when it started and i caught it before it got anymore serious.

There is always more to the story then they admit.
Two affairs, eight months, odds are this will happen many more times to you during your marriage.

She's telling you they only kised. Then why is WW telling you to go out get laid on your own?
Wake up and smell the coffee. To ease her guilt for her letting the OM bang her, That's why.

Have not had sex in three months, why? Because WW has been getting banged by the OM.

I rarely agree with Nut, but if I had a dollar for everytime when a spouse wants an open marriage it is to clear the way to bring their affair out into the open. Of course the WS will claim on a stack of bibles that they just hooked up after your mutual agreement. Such as there is this guy I like at work. Or, lets go out to club to night, where WS acts like they have just met the OP for the first time. Then she leaves you standing there in the club to holding your d**k in your hand, while she and the OM go off for an all night long seesion of SF.

Would you like to buy a bridge? I got one in Brooklyn.

Your first message you indicated that your wife turn her eyes away from you when you said her make-out session was acceptable as long as the OW's husband was not present. Doesn't that indicate to you that the husband was already present and maybe he also was involved? Why would you wife react this way when you said that unless she may have already participated in a possible threesome. Something seems a little off by her reaction.

Read this line a few times... ONLY 2 people in 8 months. If you do the math, if she ONLY has 2 people every 8 months how many would that be by year 5? It would ONLY be 15 people.

You said it would be ok for her to be with a woman but not a man. You do realize she can become emotionally attached to a woman as easy as a man. IMO an open marriage is like a death sentence to a marriage. I know of someone who tried it. The husband still went behind her back and cheated without her knowing. She caught him at least 4-5 times before she finally left him.

I SO agree. Averting eye contact indicates guilt. I think the OW's H was involved somehow (and there may have been more than a kiss) and the OP's wife didn't think it was a problem until her husband showed concern.