I haven't posted in a while concerning my situation, but things haven't gotten better with my husband or marriage.

Background ~ I came here in Aug 2005, husband committed adultery, drug relapse, and showed up with an STD. He relapsed again in Jan 2007, and moved out. In between all the "major relapses" he was addicted to prescribed drugs.


My husband lost custody rights of our son in Oct 2007. He
has some say in his education, and medical.

He was ordered 2 supervised visits. I supervise Sat 11-8:30pm (long day). Another guy is to supervise Wed 3:30-8:30. The other guy has supervised 1 visit in 4 months, and it was for 3 hrs because husband was late. I supervised the other visit when other guy couldn't or wouldn't show up. I've advised him I will not supervise the Wed. visit again.

He has created a large amount of credit card debt.
I'm angry about the CC's , because I am still married to him. I called to discuss it with his case manager as soon as he told me. They said they couldn't talk to me because he hasn't signed a "Release of Info."

I don't want to supervise visits because of my level of my hurt and anger in what he is doing in our marriage, and due to his constant change of plans during visitation, coming late, leaving early, etc...

Would it be right to request that he loose visitation rights also?


He also had a hip replacement surgery in Nov. I agreed to care for him til recovery. Take him to Dr's appt's, physical therapy, grocery shopping, bring son to visit, etc... When I was in the waiting room waiting for him to get out of surgery, a woman came in asking the attendant about my husband. She then walked over to me asked if I was his wife, I said yes. She said she is "a friend" and that when my husband wants to disappear he goes to see her. Said she was moving in my husband apt complex in Dec. I quickly moved to the other side of the room and the attendant told me she would give her no information on my husband. I had to leave to pick up son from school bus, came back and there she was in his room. He swears he didn't want her there, but he never asked her to leave once. His ex-wife and daughter came to visit, and "the friend" was there also, again he said he didn't want her there but didn't ask her to leave. I don't know if she moved to his complex.


I haven't had money to divorce. I just recieved a tax refund, but was hoping to get a car with it. I could do a divorce on my own, but he would have to agree to it. He refuses to agree to a divorce.

What to do????

Lady

Are you legally separated?

No.

I thought you said that a judge ordered visitation and child support?

Yes Custody/Visitation/Child Support were all ordered by judges through Family Court, not divorce court.

If there is any chance that he will fight for custody, make sure you get an attorney. The last thing you want is for your WS who's also addicted to drugs to have full custody of your children.

Why didn't that include a LSA?

I have sole custody of our son.

Queenie,
LSA and Divorces cannot be done through Family Court.

I am writing a general post about divorce, child custody, and spousal support. I'll link you to it once I am done with it.

ladysheep, I am done with writing. Here is the link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...ID=#Post3415466

(((Ladysheep)))

It is good to see you again, sorry it is under these circumstances.

I didn't realize you could have custody issues on a legally intact marriage. If he won't agree to seperation terms, it seems you have no choice but to pay to have it handled. Wouldn't the finanical protection feel safer than the constant financial drain he may put you in?

Again, I am so sorry that your appearance didn't bring better news.

Ladysheep, I have wondered how you were doing. It sounds like mostly what you need is legal advice. Regarding the visitation, with him acting like that I would refuse to supervise any of it. Let him pay for a supervisor, or find someone reliable who is agreeable to you.

It would be nice if you could keep him completely away from your children until his problems are addressed.

Hi Jean,

It's good to see you here too.

Yes, many don't know that custody, support, and visitation can be handled in Family Court. In support court I represented myself. Due to low income, I was helped with an appointed lawyer for the custody and visitation.
Because a lot of domestic violence was involved, court went pretty fast.

I have waited to see if there would be changes in him,
but he has seemed to worsen in character. He thinks he's a great guy being dishonest and crooked. And.... he thinks he got a good recovery going on.


Yes. All of the CC are in his name only, but it still scares me that he's has them, and it scares me not knowing what he is doing with them.

How are you and the girls doing?

Thanks Neak. I think you're right. I'm going to file a modification this week to see if that can be done.

Has he been reliable with the visitations? Has he missed any? Has he been late? Keep track of this, it could be helpful. My first XH was abusive and while we were going to court for custody, the judge ordered supervised visitation with his brother. XH made a mockery of it- actually taking DS away from his brother's house one time during the visitation. On the next court date, the judge said that if his brother can't supervise him, then Children's Aid can, because they won't allow him to take off with the child. XH did NOT appreciate being lumped in with child molestors and only made it to one visit. I should also mention that the nearest Children's Aid facility that could do this was 45 minutes away and XH did not have a car at the time, but the judge didn't care as he'd already shown his lack of respect by failing to comply with the judge's initial order. Upon XH's first no-show at Children's Aid, they told me they couldn't/wouldn't hold a spot for him because there was too much demand for supervised visitation. By the next court date, the judge awarded me sole custody and full authority to decide if or when XH could visit DS, including the option to say never.

I did allow arrangements to be made for another visit, though it never took place. I arranged an X-RCMP officer to supervise at a public location. XH did not want the supervision and refused to visit under these circumstances. I recorded the incident in case XH took me back to court (X-RCMP assured me that I was in my right) but he never attempted to contact me or DS again.

Tabby, It sounds as if it was in the best interest of your child that it turned out that way....as sad as it is. I see your DS is 19 now. I feel so sad for the children. I so don't want the children growing up angry and depressed because the fathers are so full of self, indulging and destruction. The children are so sensitive. I don't want my children to feel what I feel <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. Some days it's unbearable, and I have to try hard to hide a lot of what I feel from them, but they can see at times. The fathers haven't brought them a good healthy start in life, and that makes me angry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
But I'll do my best with Gods help.

How is your DS handling it all? I have a DS 18 at home, it's been difficult for him as well. My H has told both sons privately that we will be back together...misleading them. Now I believe I have to monitor phone calls also. I'm so sick of him promising change, only to break our heart.

About the visits... Wed visits have never been on schedule.
Saturday visits have been fine, except 1 in Jan, when
his eyes were bulging, pinpointed pupils..etc. So I was feeling very nervous, uncomfortable, and extremely protective of DS. I believe I ended the visit early that day, not knowing if it was meds or not causing him to look so weird.

Three words that ring in my ears daily are Dr. Harley's. In his codependancy ariticle he quotes... When married to one with addictions "Run for cover!" So that's been our only option as sad as it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There is no marriage recovery for us I guess, unless miracles occur, and I've prayed for them. 2 1/2 yrs of holding on. It's been hard to accept he's gone and has to stay gone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Lady, I'm sorry you are going through this. My DS was an infant when I "ran for cover" from my first XH. He was a very abusive man to me and it was just a matter of time before he would harm DS so yes, it worked out for the best that he abandoned him so easily. DS wouldn't know him if he bumped into him on the street. XH's family was great and we've maintained good relations with them over the years, even after I was remarried. My current impending D has shaken up DS more than anything - mostly because WSTBX and his family are not truly DS's family, though they are the only Dad, Grandma, Aunts, Uncles and cousins he's ever known. They have all continued their roles in DS's life so he feels a lot better now. He did go through a heavy drinking phase right after it happened but he seems to have come around now. However, he decided to propose to his GF at Christmas and now they are getting married in April. I'm sure some of this big rush has to do with the ongoing proceedings of my D. WSTBX's infidelity has resulted in a path of destruction a mile wide and years long.