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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 209
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 209 |
I was wondering how any of you have gotten to through the trust issues. Even though fwh is doing all the right things, how do I know he still isn't lying about what he does, or how do you trust he's not flirting with the cashier, how do you get through these thoughts?
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
You watch over a long period of time. You verifiy everything that can be verified.
If you see him being always consistent, being open, honest and transparent, and everything checks out, over time you will relax.
If he stops making an effort, or only makes a half-hearted effort, you will not be able to relax or feel safe. Nor should you.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 64
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 64 |
H needs to know he has to keep reassuring you. That for you to rebuild trust in him he needs to be more open than ever before. It will take ages for you to feel trust again and it will probably come and go. I think you have to try and show trust (as well as be watchful) or he wont have any way to earn it back. I am sometimes finding it hard still, almost 3 months later. I feel it won't go for a long time. My H is doing all the right things and has never lied before so that helps.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 209
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 209 |
thanks Neak and Kanne, he is doing all the right things and tries very hard, I haven't caught him lying about anything and I don't let him know my uneasiness or lack of trust. I guess it makes it hard because he lied about his ons for 15 years. My fear is that each step I take in trusting him that it gives him leverage to lie or do something he's not suppose to. I worry he will find himself in a situation that could potentially cross the line and he wont know how to handle it or fall again. I know trust takes a long time to rebuild and hopefully in time I will feel better, I know that I have come a long way since finding out so I know we are moving foreward, trusting him and the decisions he makes is still my weakness. Thanks again
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