I cannot get passed it. I am angry and hurt. I found out one week ago today that my husband had an affair and she says that he has a baby with her. They took the DNA from teh internet. She read the results over the phone. It was a one-time thing, according to both of them, and I am not sure of what to do. We have been together off and on for 22 years, married 10, have three children, and we have not told my 18 year old daughter- not until after graduation. It is so refreshing to see that I am not the only one who has gone through this. At night I cannot sleep, I am losing weight, I cry all the time and curse. I do not want to go back to church (I am the assistant pastor and he is an elder) and I feel so hurt sometimes I cannot breathe. We are looking into counseling but I do not want to keep remembering this pain. It is too much. I would not want to wish this on ANYONE. PLEASE HELP ME

Honey I just crossed posted with you. See the thread above where I asked you some questions.

First off, please go to church. You need God more now than ever. Does the church know what happened? You said they took a DNA test over the internet and she read the results over the phone. How was this test done? When was this test done? Did he supply her with a mouth swab? Did he tell you about his Affair before or after the DNA test came back? At the VERY least I would want to see the DNA test ORIGINAL copy. I am a little suspicious of how this test was done. You and your WH may want to do your own test, I know I would.

mending, I am hardly in a postion to offer advice as I myself just found out about my WW and the fact that the girl I thought was mine isn't. However, I can tell you this for a fact. God did not do this to you. This is not some punishment for any possible slips you have had in your relationship with God. The church is full of human beings and we are all flawed even christians. Christians are not perfect and the only difference between Christians and non christians is we are saved by grace because we accepted his love for us. We are no longer sinners we are saved sinners but we are sinners none the less. Everyone struggles with things. God's best for your is to keep you marriage working and together. Satan is the master of lies and will try to make you believe that it is impossible to get through this and that your marriage wont work but it will and you have to trust in God to help see you though this. Anything is possible with God. I actually just got back from Church where I talked to one of the elders who I trust to confide in. Now I didn't give any details about my wife cheating on me or that our new baby isn't mine I just let him know we are having some major problems right now and that my wife and I have strayed very far away from God at the moment. Believe me talking to someone will help. As for what you need to do I am not sure. It sounds from your description that your relationship to your H has been kinda rocky all along. Both of you need to sit down together and by yourselfs and deside just what it is you really want out of your marriage and what is it that isn't being fullfilled on both sides and work toward changing things so that those are taken care of the rest of the stuff will start to fall into place I am sure. Are both of you really committed to making this work? It won't be easy by any means and being the one that was cheated on you will have a tendancy to want to lash out at your spouse. Try not to hold back your feelings it is ok to let them know how you feel but at the same time try not to attack them as I have come to find out this is very counter productive. Just remember that while you may have issues with your WH I am sure he also has some issues with you as well be prepared to hear those issues and think about how you can help to correct things as well. There is never any excuse for what has happened to you don't think that there is. If your WH tells you things that you did in the marriage that made him unhappy don't think of those as an excuse or something that forced him to do what he did. Nobody made him choose to do what he did that was his choice. The issues he may have with you didn't cause him to cheat all they did was give the Devil the ammo to tempt him. Regardless it was still his choice to make and like alot of us do we make the wrong choice. The question you have to answer and only you can answer it is do you really and truely want your marriage to work? God can help you make it work, MC can help you make it work, but nobody not even God can or will help you if you don't want it. God does not help the unwilling. So that is the main question that you must answer for yourself.

Insist that your doctor does a DNA test before you make any decisions. There is no reason to believe or trust OW.

I have to say "Ditto" to theroad. finally. LOL

I am not that computer savy but doing a dna test via computer seems a tough task. how did they analize the samples? through her web cam?

Can anyone help me , i think i am going mad. My husband had an affair with my so called friend, she got pregnant and he says he felt trapped as she refused ato take morning after pill so the lie continued. Did not want me to find out - baby due in four weeks. He says he has ended the affair ,and by the texts i have recieved he has. He wants to stay with me ,but the thought of him having a child out there kills me. I cannot continue with this as i feel so hurt i could curl up and die. He is clearly distraught at seeing me this way, and the stupid thing is i feel sorry for him.

I agree with TheRoad. You need to have your own DNA test done to make sure she is telling the truth. If she won't let you,then she's probably lying.