There's a natural tendency to assume that men visit prostitutes becuase they're not getting any - or it's not sufficiently racy - at home.

Speaking from personal experience, I have to say that our sex-life was frequent and very satisfying; what I learn from my FWH was that visiting prostitutes was 'exciting' and that it 'felt like doing something just for me'. He came home every night, and as I now know, often had SF with me after he'd been with a prostitute.

As far as I can work out, his desire came from an immature feeling that he hadn't experienced the full range of sex that he was 'entitled' to. He was excited by doing something 'naughty', and felt that as long as he hid it from me, it wasn't affecting the marriage. The fact that the sexual encounter was made easy, with no need for complex emotions or social skills, was a release from the demands of a normal relationship. He was extremely good at compartmentalising; it was only when the two parts of his life began to collide that it all fell apart.

At home, I found him sexually rather prim. He made me feel that I was slightly dirty for suggesting anything out of the ordinary.

I wouldn't suspect the Governor's wife of frigidity too quickly.

TA

There is obviously a difference between men and women or otherwise the majority of prostitutes and others in the sex trade would not be female. I would sure like to understand what it is.

**My H did the same thing. He never spoke of his frustration over wanting more sex or more time together. He just went looking elsewhere. A marriage of 19+ years held no importance over his sex drive. Also,for us, we live in a small rural New England town and he found his connections thru a website created for such things. He met 3 women living within 50 miles of our home for sexual encounters. Our D-Day came about after he 'fell' for number 3 and made it a year long affair.

I'm sure guys do things like this for various reasons, but in my opinion deep down physical attraction is what drives it.

I have always been very attracted to my W for MANY reasons (Looks, personality, etc), but at the same time was physically attracted to other women as well. I knew I would never pursue anything with them as long as I was with my wife/significant other, so I never really thought about it being harmful. But I realized my attraction and weakness and kept it in check.

On the other hand, my wife claimed she was never really attracted to other guys, and I believed this. I also believe that SHE believed this, which is why I was never jealous and trusted her deeply. She also was very specific about not messing around with me in any way until we were pretty far along in our relationship. So what happens when one guy shows some interest after a few drinks and she finds herself attracted to him and alone? They wind up having sex. We were engaged at the time.

So why do things like this happen? I dunno, and she can't really answer either. But I have always (and still do) have a big physical attraction to women, and I have managed to stay out of trouble, even though I have been tempted.

Having said all of that, why do men seek prostitutes? Well, let's make a guess and say that an equal amount of men and women go outside of their marriage for SF. I don't know if it's true or not, but my guess is it probably is. If a woman wants a night of exciting, meaningless sex, she can walk into a bar any night she wants and have several choices. Lots of single guys looking to "hook up".

On the other hand, a guy walks into the same bar and and in most cases there may be only one or two single girls looking to hook up or whatever. Prostitues are a sure thing. A bar alone is a sure thing for a girl. That's probably the draw of prostitues for guys.

It seems to be very natural for people to assume that: if a married man visits a prostitute, his wife must not be 'enough.' I think that's analogous to saying if a person cheats on their spouse, the spouse must not have been meeting the cheater's ENs. While the latter MAY be true, it's not a definite given. It doesn't always correlate that way.

Similarly, when a wife discovers her husband using porn, it often makes them feel as if they aren't 'enough,' and the husband will sincerely claim that it doesn't have anything to do with his wife.

I've heard stories that many married clients of prostitutes tell them they love their wives so much but don't feel like they can do this with them. I think there can definitely be a 'Madonna/******' issue where the husband wants to have hot sex, but doesn't see his wife in that way. He sees her as the mother of his children, not as a sex-loving slut.

It may be tru that a woman CAN walk into the bar and walk out with a guy of her choice for meaningless sex, but realistically, how many women actually do this? Especially married women? In my experience, women may go to bars to "pick up" guys, but basically "use" them to pay for drinks and leave them in the lurch at last call. Once in a blue moon, she might like someone enough to take him home.

The other major inequity in behaviors is on online dating sites. My GF and I were browsing through one and it had a category for "intimate encounters". Within a 10 mile radius of her place, selecting scorpio only, there were 100's of men profiled under this category. She lives in a rural area - I was actually surprised there were that many men of any kind within 10 miles of her house. We only looked at a few of them, but they were ALL married and they ALL didn't want their spouses to find out. We did the same search for women, broadened it to include all zodiac signs and 50 mile radius and came up with 5.

The type of affair where the WS and OP "fall in love" or whatever crap that causes them to leave their BS's and families (as opposed to being thrown out because they were caught) is definitely equally men and women. But the one-night-stand/casual sex thing? I have a really hard time believing women engage in this to the same degree as men.

You're probably right. Which makes what happened in my case even more disappointing. Why was my *fiance* one of the few when she wasn't even that type of girl?

To the topic of this post however, if there is that BIG of a difference between the amount of men and women looking for casual sex, wouldn't that say that it has to have a physiological relationship? For all the BW's that are about to yell "Genetics are not an excuse"... I'm NOT saying it's an excuse. I will admit, I have been very tempted and I think about sex a lot, and yes, I have caught myself thinking that way about other women. But I have always in the end decided that there was no way it was worth hurting my wife or my relationship.

I have no problem understanding that men (in general) have a greater physiological need for SF. I'm fine with that. But back to the OP's question - if they are getting plenty of SF at home, why do they need it elsewhere as well? What can/does a prostitute provide that a loving wife cannot/does not?

And being attracted to someone and/or tempted is not the same as being adulterous. Not of you resist those temptations. If your SF at home is good, why is resisting these so hard?

Well, who is to say he is getting plenty of SF at home?

Assuming he is getting plenty at home, then it's a very tough question to answer. I can't complain about the SF I get at home, but I do still get tempted by other women. Maybe it's the "grass is greener" thing? Excitement in it being "different"? The feeling you get from knowing another person is that attracted to you? There are probably a million factors, none of which should add up to enough to cheat on your spouse, but they are there.

I've been asking the same question of my wife on why she had a one night stand while we were engaged, and she really can't answer other than she thought he was good looking, he flattered her by flirting with her, and she had a few drinks which probably affected her decision making.

Another possibilty may be the thrill of the chase. Girls KNOW they can hit the bar and come home with a guy if they want, so it's no challenge nor is it fun. If they succeed, they just feel like a slut that gave it up for some scum bag guy.

Guys try ALL THE TIME and rarely succeed, so in the rare event that a girl expresses interest back...... well there you have it. They feel like a stud.

I will say this. Most married men out there (at least 90% of the ones I know) do not see any problem with flirting at the bar or something while out on business. It's the chase. We never expect it to be returned, and if it is, it makes us feel good (pathetic, I know).

Reading this back to myself still doesn't answer the question.

How about this: People get into routine sex with their own partners, and they might be afraid to ask for something crazy or different. It's important to keep it fresh which admittedly can be hard to do. With a prostitute, she'll do whatever you want if you just pay her enough and you don't have to feel bad for asking. I dunno!

It's a tough question, because just like cheating in general, there is no good excuse.

yes, it is called immaturity. having to have yourself validated by someone else is very immature.



Again, this displays a lack of maturity.

I thought I would comment on your post, and then I ran head on into your last line:

"Any takers men? What's up with you and sex?"

LOL, for most men that IS the criterion.

Any takers indeed.


I just read where investigators now say Spitzer spent upwards of $80,000 on just the high end prostitutes they know about. There is more to this than the sex.

The Myth of the Victimless Crime
By MELISSA FARLEY and VICTOR MALAREK

WHAT do we know about the woman Gov. Eliot Spitzer allegedly hired as a prostitute? She was the one person he ignored in his apology. What is she going through now? Is she in danger from organized crime because of what she knows? Is anyone offering her legal counsel or alternatives to prostitution?

“I’m here for a purpose,” she said in a conversation with her booking agent after meeting with Governor Spitzer, according to the affidavit of the F.B.I agent who investigated the prostitution ring. “I know what my purpose is. I’m not a ... moron, you know what I mean.”

Her purpose, as a man who knew patiently explained, is “renting” out an organ for 10 minutes. Men rent women through the Internet or by cellphone as if they were renting a car. And now, in response to the news about Governor Spitzer, pundits are wading into the age-old debates over whether prostitution is a victimless crime or whether women are badly hurt in prostitution no matter what they’re paid.

Whose theory is it that prostitution is victimless? It’s the men who buy prostitutes who spew the myths that women choose prostitution, that they get rich, that it’s glamorous and that it turns women on.

But most women in prostitution, including those working for escort services, have been sexually abused as children, studies show. Incest sets young women up for prostitution — by letting them know what they’re worth and what’s expected of them. Other forces that channel women into escort prostitution are economic hardship and racism.

The Emperor’s Club presented itself as an elite escort service. But aside from charging more, it worked like any other prostitution business. The pimps took their 50 percent cut. The Emperor’s Club often required that the women provide sex twice an hour. One woman who was wiretapped indicated that she couldn’t handle that pressure. The ring operated throughout the United States and Europe. The transport of women for prostitution was masked by its description as “travel dates.”

Telephone operators at the Emperor’s Club criticized one of the women for cutting sessions with buyers short so that she could pick up her children at school. “As a general rule,” one said, “girls with children tend to have a little more baggage going on.”

Whether the woman is in a hotel room or on a side street in someone’s car, whether she’s trafficked from New York to Washington or from Mexico to Florida or from the city to the suburbs, the experience of being prostituted causes her immense psychological and physical harm. And it all starts with the buyer.

Melissa Farley is the author of “Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the Connections.” Victor Malarek is the author of “The Natashas: Inside the New Global Sex Trade.”

Men are programmed to pursue something. If they aren't out on the savanna, they will seek stimulation elsewhere. It's hardwired into the hypothalamus of the male primate. Remember the monkey study? Male monkeys will "pay" to view female monkey bottoms.

The traits that served our early ancestors are now creating some really strange, bizarre and distorted outcomes. It is quite possible that male brains are not well suited to handle this modern-day overload of erotic stimulation and power without losing their equilibrium. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

well, for those that buy that man has evoled from monkey's...I guess they will buy anything.

let's not forget that it is the woman being the HO that is offering her services. Personally, I think the HO is worse than the john. Perhaps a womans brain is not evolved enough to cope with the modern day economics and revert to what she knows best.

> well, for those that buy that man has evoled from monkey's...I guess they will buy anything.

Evolved or created, we share something like 98% of the same genetic code with primates.

I'd pay to see a monkey's butt, depending on what it's doing with it, that is. I guess I do every time I visit the zoo, in fact.

I thought that once too...but I don't believe that the ape genetic code has ever been mapped...so a true comparison couldn't be done without that.

Yeah..I guess I pay to see monkey butts too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Research Monkey’s Genetic Code Deciphered: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18079607/

Scientists Complete Genetic Map of the Chimpanzee: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/31/AR2005083102278.html


ed: They plan to map Spitzer next.

This is a good article, but I sure wish people would start mentioning that no act of prositution is ever "victimless" when the guy is married.

Look at how former-governor (ha!) Spitzer has victimized his own family:

He's shown his wife that she is just a commodity to him, like a car or a house or some kind of appliance, and that he feels free to shove her aside and totally disregard her whenever he's got the chance for some hot new p*ssy. This is how normal people relate to cars and TV sets, not to other human beings.

He's also shown her that he has no regard whatsoever for her health and well-being by paying extra for no-condom sex with a wh*re.

He's shown his three teen-age daughters that their father - the man whom they have loved and trusted like no other since they were born - is really just a lying pig who orders up wh*res like pizza anytime he thinks Mom won't know.

He's also seared it into their brains that this is what they can expect from men they think they can love and trust - to be lied to and utterly disregarded as a human being.

What a pig this man is. And there are countless more like him, wearing the faces of fine upstanding men in public and vicimizing their families in the coldest possible ways behind closed doors.

Yeah, tell me again how prostituion is "victimless".
Mulan

> "...is really just a lying pig who orders up wh*res like pizza anytime he thinks Mom won't know."

Well, OK, but they are expensive specialty ho pizzas with extra cheese. Let’s give the man his due.

So, there is no way to ever meet the needs of a man like that. If I am are married to a man like that and I am willing to meet his SF needs he will think I am a sleazy woman? Even though I may be willing to have sex with him because he's my husband he will reject me because he can only be sexual with other women because he thinks I as his wife is too good to have sex with.

A man who uses that type of logic will always have an affair because he will never let himself enjoy SF with his own wife. That makes me very sad, because I hope I am not married to a man like that. The fact that my WH has cheated more than once and has too many women "friends" to meet his needs makes me wonder if that's what's going on in his mind.
We don't have any kids so I am not sure the Madonna/**** really fits my situation.