Hey everyone....

I'm about ready for Plan B and need some letter examples. I have SAA and I like the one in there, but it really doesn't have any guidelines as to what to include.

Do I put in there what he will have to do in order to come home??

Do I discuss him getting the rest of his belongings???

Do I discuss any situations concerning the kids...ie visitation and the fact that he will no longer be coming to get the kids in the morning???

Do I discuss finances or money???

I ask, because he will probably get this before he is served with any LSA papers or do I have that done before he gets the letter???

Need some answers so I can be ready for this...

not2fun

Here's mine. I used it from others and added what was on my heart. Feel free to use what you like.

My dearest WH,

I want to be your wife, in every sense of the word. I want those intimacies that we always dreamed about, to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, as well as share the joy of raising a family with you. Each day that goes by it becomes excruciatingly painful to watch what is happening to our life and marriage, therefore, it is with the saddest of hearts that I must write you this letter. 24 years ago we made a vow to G-d and 10 years ago repeated our vows under the Chupah when we truly became as one. We were so much in love on those two days. The first time when we were young and full of hope and promise and the second time when we were full of making a complete lifetime commitment. We had been through so much and recommitted our love to each other, only it was stronger and deeper because we knew what we were capable of being together not matter what adversity we had faced. You and I together faced whatever came our way together and succeeded because we are meant to be together as husband and wife.

I’ve worked particularly hard these past couple of months to humble myself before G-d and ask him to create me into the wife, mother, and woman he always envisioned for me. People can change if they are willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are and what they have done. I did that and I’m proud of the person I have become and continue to become because G-d is guiding me.

G-d has instilled in me that we can have a brand new, loving, and completely fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and commitment we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that became the foundation of our marriage and start to become a family again, for our sake and our children’s. To have a new incredible marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams is within our reach. The kind of marriage we both committed to when we said “I do” each time. I’m not naive; I know there’s been a lot of damage done. It won’t be easy but it can be done. I’ve had the good fortune in the last couple of months to meet many people who have been able to do it.

I’ve suffered tremendous pain from learning about your relationship with OW, dealing with our marriage falling apart and your decision to leave our home. I never once stopped loving you and I have not forgotten what a wonderful man you are. I know you better than anyone else, and I believe in you completely. It is my love and faith in G-d that has given me the strength and hope to go on. But the pain has become too much to bear.

In order to PRESERVE the LOVE that I have left for you, I've come to the decision to no longer have any contact with you at all UNTIL you end your relationship with OW and give us another chance. I will not talk to you or see you. Contact AB at or email him at in order to reach me for emergencies ONLY. I believe that we can work out a plan to restore our marriage and make it what G-d envisioned for us all along. The depth of love and commitment to our marriage is something that I have come to appreciate as having always being there and is G-d given as your covenant wife. I am willing to do whatever is necessary, but until that time, please respect my wishes.

Remember the day that we were in class together and you worked with me to bring down all my walls and you realized how much I truly loved you and had for our whole life. Tap into that my darling, because not only did it always exist, but continues to grow even during this difficult time.

I am not qualified to answer those questions and should defer to the vets. I am giving my PBL to WH after he gets LSA. For me, by the time he gets that letter, other than taxes and the cell phone we will have no reason to talk anymore until he leaves her.

I don't have any examples to share, but just want to say Queenie that is an awesome letter!

Thanks Queenie...

That was a good one....now hopefully some VETS can answer those questions...

Thank you Crickett. I'm kinda looking forward to getting it out of my hands. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

bumping for some more help....

^^^^bumpity bump bump^^^^^^

bump for not2fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

bump again

I don't think the SPECIFIC CONTENT matters that much...

Use the MODEL in SAA and it'll be fine...

It needs to be a LOVE LETTER...

It needs to be MEMORABLE to HIM...

I don't think you need to make it LONG and DRAWN OUT..basically, GET RID OF THE OW FOR LIFE...and commit to OUR MARRIAGE..

Make sure you DO include DETAILS about management of the children.

Make sure it's AIR TIGHT so that you can remain DARK...with NO DIRECT COMMUNICATION between you and him...

He should not have direct access to you through email or cellphone. Change your number or NEVER ANSWER the number that he has.

Make it difficult, if not almost impossible, for HIM to reach you DIRECTLY.

I think Queenie's letter is WONDERFUL!!

Why thank you Mimi. You have made my day.....

Mimi....thanks for the info....I want to get this done by tomorrow, so it won't be hanging over my head.....I'm getting weary at this point.....

not2fun

I typed into the search, Plan B letters that Spacecase posted in 2002 and got a wonderful list of 12....yes 12 letters from which I pieced together what I wanted and needed.
Fortunately I won't be needing to send them but they certainly helped me.
Plan A your butt off. Make the cakes, send a card, look fabulous, don't expect anything back. Suggest reading SAA if he is wanting to reconcile. What does he want you to do? Call him? Stay away? Allow only him to call you?
My MC said that what happens at his house is his business and strangely that made me a lot calmer. I wasn't able to check the phones and see who was calling around. Sure I have never been so miserable but I was not spazzing out every time the phone rang. He was miserable too. The xOW was calling him and visiting, uninvited. Since the NC letter there has been nothing.
I refuse to give up and we are really looking forward to living together again - he has not said the date of moving back but it is coming very soon.
Don't give up if you want this man and your marriage. It is so tiring - physically and emotionally. Hang in there if it is what you believe in.