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#2032551 03/13/08 04:51 PM
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There are many Christians who cheat on their spouses. I always wonder how they justify their actions, especially when they continue to attend church and sometimes, even hold leadership positions at their churches.

In many places, when a cop commits a crime, the cop is being punished more severely or being forgiven less easily, if at all, due to his more superior knowledge of how wrong crimes are. Do you think such rule should also apply to Christians or any believers in any religion that prohibits infidelity?

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My WW is a PK, and we are both very conservative Christians. She rationalizes her affair with 'it just happened' and 'I am in Love with him' all just fog babble.

When this happens all morality seems to go out the window. The WS is really not themselves, they are still accountable/responsible for their actions, but it's hard for them to see the forest through the trees I think.

To me, it would be inconceivable to cheat on my WW, however for her she is just now coming to grips with what she has done, and I think being a Christian she is even more devastated, because not only has be betrayed me and my trust but she has broken a vow she took before God.


BH - me - 29
WW - 28
Married 07/2001
D-Day #2 - 03/01/2008
03/22/2008 - NC Established
05/??/2008 - NC Broken (I think)
07/01/2008 - WW 'Unsure of what she wants to do'
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My wife used scripture to show where "god" wanted her to be happy and therefore it was justified.

She was even convinced that we were "spiritually divorced" when she became unhappy with my income and the other "blessed" families were a sign that she needed a man that was "blessed".

So she allowed a married man who made more money than I to destroy our family.

She even sent a e-mail to members of the church saying that "god" was moving in her life and she was sure that the trouble in our marriage would pass and she would be forgiven for the divorce from our irreconsilable differences.


My church did something about her being adulterous and divorcing me.

They threw me out.

My now ex-wife seems to be quite proud of what she's done and thinks that she is pre-forgiven, so everything is just fine.

Seems "christianity" allows injustice, cheating and repeat offenders to be unaccountable for their actions.

Last edited by Pariah; 03/13/08 05:15 PM.

I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Seems "christianity" allows injustice, cheating and repeat offenders to be unaccountable for their actions.

I am sorry that happened to you. Know that these are not the principles that are taught in the Word.

A couple of things that I believe.

1) Divorce was never intended by God, but was given as an option because of Man's sin nature.

2) The only 'non sinful' reason for divorce is sexual immorality. (Sometimes translated Adultery) and even in this case the divorcee's aren't to remarry unless it's to each other.

Plain and simple, God *HATES* divorce. That is stated in several places in the Bible. It's my conviction that my wife is my wife, and she will be my wife until I or she dies.

I know that's a hard line to tow, and looking at what I am going through right now it's really hard for me to imagine living without a partner in life. Should I get a divorce however, that is my conviction and that is the way I must live.


BH - me - 29
WW - 28
Married 07/2001
D-Day #2 - 03/01/2008
03/22/2008 - NC Established
05/??/2008 - NC Broken (I think)
07/01/2008 - WW 'Unsure of what she wants to do'
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Paraiah

parts of the church are sh1t
God is not.

Read His word and pray as your custom and get a real faith independent of the Pharisees who threw you out.


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God's true people, no matter what denomination they might be from, would NEVER have treated you that way. Sad to say, but even though they name the name of Christ they were and are moved by another spirit.

Unless they change, standing in eternity they will be the ones who are rejected by God, because they have rejected Him and His love.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Neak and I are both of the remnant, and we do not reject you, sir.

I will spend eternity with you in fact ! We should get to know each other for the journey ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


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and even in this case the divorcee's aren't to remarry unless it's to each other.

I know that's a hard line to tow, and looking at what I am going through right now it's really hard for me to imagine living without a partner in life. Should I get a divorce however, that is my conviction and that is the way I must live.

How many of you agree or disagree with his statements above?


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There are only two cases of divorce where remarriage is permitted in the Bible.

1. If there is a divorce from adultery, the betrayed spouse is free to remarry.

2. If a believer is married to a non-believer, and the non-believer does not want to be married to the believer and divorces them, the believer is then free to remarry.

Other than that, no exceptions are given. I'll have to look up the scriptural references for the above.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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I think it's a distortion of the Bibles meaning.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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1. Matt. 5:32

2. (Keeping in mind 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says we are not to yoke ourselves unequally with unbelievers.) 1 Corinthians 7


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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I think it all depends really on your interpretation, and how God is convicting you. That is why I used 'This is what *I* believe' :-)


BH - me - 29
WW - 28
Married 07/2001
D-Day #2 - 03/01/2008
03/22/2008 - NC Established
05/??/2008 - NC Broken (I think)
07/01/2008 - WW 'Unsure of what she wants to do'
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and even in this case the divorcee's aren't to remarry unless it's to each other.

I know that's a hard line to tow, and looking at what I am going through right now it's really hard for me to imagine living without a partner in life. Should I get a divorce however, that is my conviction and that is the way I must live.

How many of you agree or disagree with his statements above?

I want to recover my marriage but my WH hasn't really stepped up and made changes. We don't have kids, so that would mean I could never remarry if he doesn't do what is right and change his ways. I think God's word allows us who have been betrayed to remarry. I hope so because one day I want kids and if WH doesn't change his ways that would mean I have to stay married to a person who cheats on me and not have kids or never have a chance to if I can't remarry.
That would be heart breaking after everything I have endured already.

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I have been a Christian for most of my life and I have seen people make the bible say anything to justify what they are doing. I have been in ministry most of my life. My XW tried to used the bible to justify her affair. The OM was also at the same church. My point is God hates A and D. Look in the old testament what happened to them when they were caught in A. A lot of People call them selves Christians but allow them selves think and act against the Bible.

Pariah I know you are Very mad and hurt about those people and your XW doing that to you . But don’t let some people that are playing like they are Christians sent you away from God. THEY DON’T KNOW HIM ( God).
I could go on for Ever.

AF


BS
Dday 1/96
D 11/98
remarried to wonderful woman 9/2000
4 children DD27,DS26,DS22,DS18
Xw wife on her 4th affair,cheating on 3 husband
what a loser.
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In many places, when a cop commits a crime, the cop is being punished more severely or being forgiven less easily, if at all, due to his more superior knowledge of how wrong crimes are. Do you think such rule should also apply to Christians or any believers in any religion that prohibits infidelity?

I think something simular was addressed at my church last week... Something about those who hear the word of God... understand it... but reject it anyway... recieve a harsher judment on the last day...

I would think this applies to christians who are in a position of leadership within the church... but sin anyway... for some reason they think the rules don't apply to them...

Our minister even gave an example of a church in Ohio where the pastor left his wife because said he was gay... none of his parisioners thought there was anything wrong with that and were OK with him continuing to be the pastor of their church....somthing is very wrong with society when "christians" are OK with something like that... Wrong is Wrong...

JMHO


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Seems "christianity" allows injustice, cheating and repeat offenders to be unaccountable for their actions.


Pariah - just as there is a difference between Science and Scientism, there is a difference between Christianity and the beliefs of people who bring their own presuppositions and desires to being a Christian.

I would suggest that this church might want to review at least two portions of God's Word (not "Man's word). They might want to study what James has to say about the difference between "professing" believers and "possessing" belivers. They might also want to study what Jesus had to say to the seven churches in Revelation.

Suffice it to say that this church either does not understand, or willfully rejects, Jesus' teaching about Church discipline in Matthew 15.

Apostasy is not limited to individuals. Neither is temptation to sin excluded from believers. But the "dumbing down" of society in general is also affecting many believers who do not have a "mature faith."

"Irreconcilable differences" is NOT recognized by God, despite the "wisdom" of the masses.

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There are only two cases of divorce where remarriage is permitted in the Bible.

1. If there is a divorce from adultery, the betrayed spouse is free to remarry.

2. If a believer is married to a non-believer, and the non-believer does not want to be married to the believer and divorces them, the believer is then free to remarry.

Other than that, no exceptions are given. I'll have to look up the scriptural references for the above.

I agree.

What most don't understand is that we are to be married until death. Being unhappy is not a reason. If I'm to "love my wife as Christ loves the church", then how can I justify D? Thank goodness Christ doesn't just love me only when I'm good. He loves me when I'm rotten to the core and doesn't throw me out. This is the single biggest reason I'm am hanging on. It doesn't matter if I'm not "in love" with my WW right now or not. I must love her through all of this. If she choses to leave, I can do nothing about it. There is something greater and it lasts for eternity. I know that is hard, but it's true.

My WW was helping to bring OM to Christ. He told her she had brought him closer to God than anyone could have. Really? Why didn't he pull the trigger then and get saved and baptisted? It's crazy the things people do and say to justify their A's.

As far as "kicking you out" of the church. Look at it like this, God saved Lot and his family, maybe he was saving you. Find a bible believing church that loves people unconditionaly.

Last edited by BetterDaysAhead; 03/14/08 07:18 AM.

BS (me) : 43yo
WW: 41 yo
married 17+ yrs
D-Day #1 ONS Aug 03
D-Day #2 Dec 5, 2007
Four kids: 14 yo Son, 11 yo Son, 7 yo Daughter, 5 yo son

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I agree that it's God's desire that you remain married until death. However, I also believe the bond can be broken. Scripture doesn't tell us it's an unbreakable bond. Instead, we are warned NOT to break the bond.

If it was unbreakable, there would be no such warning.

I believe scripture tells us that if a spouse wants to go, we have to let them go.

The process in Matthew 18, which few churches use, is designed to bring a sinning believer back into fellowship. However, if they refuse to leave their sin, the church is instructed to treat that person as if they were an unbeliever.

What does 1 Corinthians 7 tell us we should do if an unbelieving spouse wishes to leave? Let them go.

So I believe the bond can be broken. We as Christians are not to seek divorce, ever. But if our spouses refuse to turn from their sin, and they seek divorce, we are no longer bound to that spouse.

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People will always find reasons to excuse what they want to do, including adultery. I know I did.

a church which does not condemn such actions is not following any Christian belief in my opinion. That of course doesn't mean the church should not try to bring the sinner back into the fold .... but to accept such actions is simply wrong and I don't care what church you belong to.

If you accept adultery why not the other remaining 9 commandments?

Divorce I reluctantly accept is the less hurtful action in a marriage where one does not want to be or where there is abuse and threat to life of yourself and others. I not sure it would ever be right for me.


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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I felt like I can relate to this post. My WH and I both grew up going to church. His parents have been in ministry his entire life. Our parents have both been married for over 35 years. He never stopped going to church during the A. I can't really say that he has ever justified the affair. However we have talked about our marriage which allowed it. Truth is Christians are just people and people screw up big. The Bible is full of examples of where God's people turned away from Him. I do think that he deals with a whole lot of guilt because of his faith. One thing that I did notice is that during the A he pushed away all family and friends that would have held him accountable.


BW-32
wh-32
M-10years
2 boys-2 yo and 8mo
Dday 12/31/07
NC-3/28/08 after many broken attempts
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