My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 3 1/2. We have 2 small children under 2 years of age. He has been talking to a coworker of his who is 23 he is 31 since 1-18 they got caught together drunk in a parking lot in his car by the police at 130am. I had to go pick him up from there otherwise he would of gone to jail. I went to pick him up and was furious needless to say. He said nothing happened that night later he told me they kissed and he has feelings for her. she has been engaged 1 time and almsot a second time with the guy she broke up with to be with my husband. She moved closer to our town to be with my husband. my husband moved out on 2-16 and stayed one night at a friends house and the rest has been living with her. Over the past couple of days we have talked about reconcilatioin I went to talk to my lawyer yesterday about a consult for divorce since that is what WS wants is divorce. I do not and now he said he is unsure about what he wants wanting to be with me or her but he is still living with her. We have been sleeping together since that night they were found together so he is lying to her as well as lying to me. I want my marriage back as well as my husband I want my family back. What do I do? believe him now that he is thinking about coming back maybe or go ahead and file for divorce?

so2,

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry you're in a such a painful and chaotic situation. Please take the time to read information on the main site and unless you want a divorce....I wouldn't rush it. I also wouldn't have sex with someone who's having sex with another woman. It puts you at great risk for STDs. Who knows about this affair? What kind of support group do you have? friends? family?

Hang in there and keep posting, reading, more reading, and filling in the details.

thanks I am new and have been reading this website for a while now. I am not going to sleep with him anymore he says they are using protection but again who really knows. I have read plan a & b and want to do them he says already he sees changes in me and just has to fall in love with me again blah blah blah I am sure I am not the first to say this. i am showing him I am strong with or without him and that is when he called me last night to say I appreciate how you are handling this and if we get back together I dont want you to hang your head in shame. I am not saying we are getting back together but if we do. t is like he wants to keep his options open if they dont work out.

Gee, too bad you didn't just let him go to jail.........

Just kidding. Be sure and let his friends and family know what he is up to. Also have you informed their work?

Is he giving you money for you and the children?

Yes I am the one that told my family, his family and my friends he told his friends. So everyone knows but he still doesnt care he is carrying on with the affair he is living with her, working with her and just the past few days has told me that he is unsure of what he wants to do with me and him. I dont know do I believe him? it is hard to trust anything he is telling me. I want to but I dont know. I am supposed to see him tomorrow he is coming to see the boys for a bit and I am going out to dinner with a friend he is going to watch the boys then too. I miss him so much and dont want to be divorced but feel like he has already made his choice choosing her. He still has his direct deposit which is paying for the mortgage we have a date to stop this and for me to take over the mortgage once I get a ft job right now I have been home with the kids and working pt looking for ft work. Once the direct deposit stops he will start paying child support with a temp court order.

Be sure you get the court order. You must protect you and your family financially.

Affairs always end, and his will too. That is why you need to get a plan - Plan A for now.

Have you exposed the affair to their work?

no they are teachers and she is a 1st year teacher and most likely wont get rehired since the school already knows about it and the citation from 1-18 as well as they are always around each other and students and other teachers know as well. I read plan a and all it is is to expose it to the family which I did and he hasnt talked to anyone in his family about it. I talk to his mom all the time and nothing he used to talk to her about 4-5 times a week and in the past 2 months maybe talked to her about 3 times.

You need to write a letter to the school and expose. Let them know that the affair is threatening your family and marriage, and ask them what action they will take.

And yes, your husband will be furious. But anger won't end your marriage, while an affair can.

Does he have an alcohol problem too?

the school already knows they know he is getting divorced they know about her, students and other teachers call her a homewrecker everyday. I dont know about alcohol I mean it has caused fights with us in the past but I want him back and plan a obviously isnt working since everyone knows I told them and that didnt even faze him.

so2,

It's so hard for the betrayed spouse when the WS moves in with the affair partner. However, sometimes....it actually hastens the end of the affair. Now that this girl has to fill *all* his needs....instead of just sexual needs....it is very unlikely that the fantasy will start to fall apart. Babies are very strong bonds between husbands and wives, in fact, I would be very concerned about her trying to get pregnant. Fantasy is what fuels affairs....reality....is what breaks them up. He will no longer see her only when she is dressed nice for work and unattainable. She will become ordinary and not imaginary. Moving in together can speed up that process. Small children put a huge strain on marriage. They bond you together....but they can also sap your energy and time together.

What was going on in your marriage before the affair?

It sounds like your efforts are already working, so be consistent and that's not easy when you're so broken hearted. Don't sleep with him. Don't beg, plead or cry if you can. You're trying help him remember why he married you and wanted you to have his children. But he also needs to see (and I'm glad you're showing) that you are strong with or without him.

Is he providing child and spousal support?