Hi folks,
Sorry if this has been answered before. I've read and re-read the articles, and I've searched the forum, but I'm in an emotional daze at the moment so I apologize if I missed something.
Here's the situation. My girlfriend, let's call her 'sue', and I broke up 2 months ago, 1 week before I 'popped the big Q'. I'll get this out of the way first.
1) I know I hadn't been addressing her needs; I failed in that aspect.
2) I knew she had something to say to me..
3) I was one of the "No, she'd never..." guys
So, with those 3 things in mind, after a particular argument I said "Listen, you clearly want to break up with me so just grow some guts and do it". The argument was heated; so she broke up with me.
Now I was on the long winding road to healing my heart. 1 month after we met for coffee. She said she was seeing a guy named Ken--clearly, though, she wasn't that thrilled by him.
2 months later, a mutual friend had a party I had decided that I wanted her back the day we broke up, btw--but since I wanted to respect her decision I said nothing and did not contact her in any way.
She was there, at the party,-- I was there, the liquor was flowing--and at that party, she told me she and ken had conducted themselves inappropriately (it was a kiss) while me and 'sue' were together.
I was devestated, but at the same time, it was an eye opener--I realized that she didn't just want out "just because"--that my gut feeling wasn't wrong, just the way I acted on it was. She had merely been struggling with telling me--a sentiment I'm sure we can understand.
So the next monday, I took her to dinner, and told her I wanted another chance. Here's the kicker.
She has been seeing Ken since about 3 weeks after the breakup--'seeing' meaning, according to her (and facebook!) once ever 2 or so weeks. He's been buying her heart--Louis Vutton, Diamonds, and things of that kind of compensatory courtship.
At about a month and a half of us broken up, I had given up, and had relations with a girl I work with. In short, we've both been with others.
So here's my question: She had an 'affair' (defined as taking romantic action with another, even though it was minor). I had a 'relationship' after we broke up.
Immediatley after the first encounter with this girl, I called it off--I wasn't ready. The kicker is, we distantly work together, and I am her supervisor (I know, please spare the ethical dilemma talk!). Because of that supervisor role, and the nature of the job, I have taken on a mentorship position with her (Just trust me, it's hard to break in this line of work as there is no job on earth like it)
The good Doctor, who has given me so much faith in this process, said that once an infidelity has been revealed, part of the solution is to cut ties entirely with the partner.
So, does ending contact with the person who one has had an affair with mean the same as ending contact with the person one has had a relationship with? The distinction being, she had Ken during the relationship, I had Sarah afterwards.
So, I understand the doctor reccomends her cutting ties with Ken; does that also mean I have to cut ties with Sarah?
Thank you for those who read this, and doubly so to those who respond. Typing it has been a therapy in itself.
Keep strong, Love Long,
Cap'n
