WW's, how many years after the affair were you able to remember the details of your affair? What was it like trying to tell your husband about an affair that happened over 10 years ago?

About every 4 to 5 years for the last 27 years, my wife's affair could not stay buried. It was not because NC was broken. My wife would not get rid of the OM's gold chain and gold heart that he gave her. Some how it would reappear. Another time is when she decided to restart a friendship with her best friend from high school. BF's husband was friends with OM.

When forced to remember that time I would ask what really happened. My wife would intimidate me to end my questioning very quickly after admitting to something new with no detail. So each time I would find out that more had happened. The last time was they went all the way, once. The only detail was that it was in his grandma's living room.

bottom line is your wife is a liar. sorry to be so blunt...but she is flat out lying to you. And you have allowed her to keep a gift from the OM? Wow.

Welcome to MB,

Well, I completely agree with MEDC.

You get that necklace and toss it pronto!!!! And if she asks about it, tell her you don't know where it went, cause you won't once it is in the GARBAGE.

You don't need any more reminders.

Your wife is way wrong to do this. No wonder you are still having an awful time.

Read up on this site, and it looks like you might have, considering the number of posts from you.

You need to set some boundaries.

I am appalled that your wife would make friends with someone that knows om. WOW.

Best wishes, I hope you get some help here.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

10 years later the details are not as clear as far as dates/times etc. but I can still answer most any question my H may ask. My perspective has changed drastically but it sounds like your W's perspective still has a bit of "romantic" spin on the whole ugly affair. May I ask why you let her bully you into not getting what you need from her?

Not near 10 years for me but I can remember what I did and where, the actual times and the weeks are fuzzy which was more to do I think with being drunk or near drunk than anything else. But I remember all I did.
Recently I have changed my mind on wishing I could forget. By remembering what I did I feel I won't EVER take my DH forgiveness for granted.

If your wife has not thrown away gifts and cannot tell you what happened .. maybe not exactly when ... then I suggest she is not fully over the OM and frankly I dont think any BH or BS for that matter should have to accept that. it may she doesn't know how to and requires some help .. counsellor .. marriage counsellor for both of you etc

I feel FWW or FWH have a choice ... commit to your marriage .. or don't and leave ... staying and not giving it your all is just pure torture for the other spouse. Finding reasons to stay from kids to whatever is ok while you work on your M ... but we need to give it our all.

About 4 to 5 years ago I drove to the beach with her and I threw the jewelry into the Atlantic Ocean.

Hi TR,

5 years for me...and I'll admit I'm a little fuzzy on details. I don't have any good excuse, except that the details aren't as important to me anymore. Only the overall picture, and how it's shaped who I am today.

It's kind of like triggers....they become less intense and less frequent with time. So do my memories.

ps - glad to see the jewelry is gone

I read here long enough to realize that my wife does not want to talk about it to spare herself and I further pain. Through all this time as more of the story came out I have been wanting to know what happened all the more. Why? I guess that I would never be waiting for any more Ddays.

Another WW question: Was it easier to forget what happened after the affair was over, or after your Dday?