I don't have a solution for you, but I wanted to give you some insight into why he's feeling the way he does. When we learn something about our significant other that is in contrast to what we think/know about them, it can be very traumatic.

He is probably scared that there is more that you're not telling him or that you've forgotten and will come out later. 'Piece by piece' is the worst way to reveal the truth to someone because then they never know if there's still more. They live in fear of when the next shoe will drop.

If you don't want to jeopardize the relationship in the long-term, you need to be totally honest right now. It may cause hurt in the short-term, but keeping things secret will be much, much worse later on.

Ditto for everything said above. You need to learn about the policy of Radical Honesty. Honesty is critical to good relationships. Learning hurtful info "piece by piece" is like torture. Just rip the band-aid off already! Let him then decide if he wants to stay or leave.

I'm sorry but from your description it's really hard to understand why this is such an issue. You hooked up with someone 9 years ago when you two were not together? Sorry but that doesn't sound so bad. Was it a friend? Did something bad happen? Why is it troubling your bf so? Without more info I can't really offer much help.

Set up a time at a neutral location (so he won't associate a place in your house with the 'news'), sit down with him, and give him every piece of detail. Then ask him for every piece of detail about him. Get it out of the way.

THEN...work with him to figure out why he feels insecure about people you were with in the past. Is he afraid he won't compare? That you're more experienced and will judge him? That you are too wild or immoral for him? You have to know the real thoughts he's having, before you can address them. Urge him to spill his guts about everything, all his fears, doubts, etc., so you can talk about them and put them to rest. He likely needs to be reassured that it was indeed part of your past and not who you are now. Listen to him without judgment and without defending yourself. Then calmly talk about everything and reassure him of your intentions. If he chooses to leave you at that point, you're better off knowing now, because you would have experienced worse in the future.

Unless I'm missing something, the big problem is that you were the victim of some HS jerks and that you dated someone who was cheating on their girlfriend?? Doesn't sound like anything that should be threatening to him.

I also saw that you say "He is the one", but throughout your writing you also point out your low self esteem and desperation to be accepted. Is it possible that your feelings toward him are more based on your desperate desires than his actually being right for you? I only say that because I picked up on both notes and it is a possibility.

In my very humble opinion, I think he is out of line. I'm not saying he is wrong or anything since those are his personal feelings. However, I do feel he is being hypersensitive about something that shouldn't matter.

If you have changed your personal standards and grown beyond the person you were, then he should accept that. If he can't, then take the time to find out why he is threatened, but don't destroy yourself over the possibility that this doesn't work out. It may just simply be that he is looking for a perfect person that simply doesn't exist.

I didn't catch anything indicating why, but do you know what exactly the problem he has is? Is he worried that you are going to cheat on him because of the guy you dated? Is he under the belief that there was some group sex or promiscuity with the group of guys? If he hasn't said, then that is where the core problem is. He has to be more honest with his fears so you can help alleviate them. If all he says is that he "can't get over your past", well, then you two simply are not made for each other and he can keep searching for that "snow white" fantasy that doesn't exist. Everyone has things in their past that their significant other wishes wasn't there. It's the ones that can look at the past as only the past and then realize they are committed to the future with the person you are now that matters.

Hope that helps...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts & your support. Since HS I have a great deal of confidence & self respect. I have been in 2 long serious relationships as well. I recognize all the great things in him & really love him.

I think you're right about him being afraid. Its similar to what someone else said earlier - He is afraid that there is more to trickle in and doesn't know when the next bomb will be dropped. I have sat down with him & told him everything & as far as any more truths about my past - nothing new will pop up in the future. I can't, however, do anything to avoid someone he may run into over the course of time that could say something bad about me. For whatever reason these people always feel the need to throw in their two cents! Like - you're with Bekah... I heard blah blah blah... or "if it wasn't you, it would have been someone else"... Just absolutely unnecessary crap. People should keep their opinons to themselves until they actually know a person. If you're buddy is happy or has chosen to date someone - be happy for them - get to know the person they're dating... then, if you must, develop your opinon based on what you KNOW - not what you've heard. More often than not - things that are heard & not seen aren't true. STORY OF MY LIFE!!

I'm glad it helped some.

Something I picked up on what you just said though is about the "Can't control what others say". It should never be about that though. That has to be thrown to the side.

If my wife had something in her past that troubled me and we talked it out, putting it behind us, then it's behind us. Make him realize that he should be looking at the "now", not the "possible" now based on his fears. If someone came to him tomorrow and said that you went through high school as a porn star and did adult shows in Tijuana, then he needs to just let it go. It's so stupid to base what someone did in the past on how someone feels now.

Again, for example, if I discovered that my wife was a porn star and hooker before we were married, I would be concerned with possible diseases and things like that, but not fearful because of poor choices early in life. That is the past and not the person she is now. He needs to start judging you on who you are now or he isn't the person you want to spend your energy on.

If there is truly a fear that he is going to get scared again because of some random rumor, then he needs to grow up and make his own decisions rather than getting pulled around by others words. You need to decide if he can do that and if you want to spend your energy and time waiting on him to reach that level of maturity. I hope he realizes that he should care for who you are now, not who you were years ago...