advice, words of wisdom, all insight welcome

read my story here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

need advice please

i'm in CA he's in AR.

he doesn't know my address!!

but a complaint, summons, and affadavit has been issued.

my attorney in CA says that i will have to respond in AR since it's out of state.

now adultery can make a difference in AR b/c it is one of the grounds for divorce there.

i wonder if irreconcilable differences is a ground b/c i have never seen it mentioned there and it's always mentioned that living apart for 18 continuous mos w/out sex is the easiest to prove.

PLEASE HELP!!!

i've just started school and may have to fly out to AR to get this junk taken care of.

I am so disappointed that he actually filed and really hates me and doesn't care for his children and will be onto his 5TH MARRIAGAE.

I caught it right in time, he filed TODAY. At 12:31 pm CT, I called 30 MIN AFTER he filed!!!
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ok, thanks for your reply. I am shaking right now...that's why he changed his number this past weekend and that's why she did, too.

I called the circuit clerk office back and they said they don't have the actual documents so they can't tell me what's exactly on there.

Ok, I will tell my attny that.

I found out that he filed under "general indignities" but if I contest it, which I WILL he will have to prove grounds...b/c irreconcilable differences is not grounds for divorce.

The easiest to prove is living apart continuously for 18 mos w/no sex! AND he has to provide a witness that knows from THEIR personal knowledge that is true.

So how can he serve me if he doesn't know my address, which I HAVE given him but believe he threw it away or whatever.

So around Nov. 2008 is when he can prove the living apart for 18 mos..do you know what I mean?

I'm taking my first anatomy quiz today...not good.
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does anyone think he can prove grounds w/general indignity (cruelness, habitual negative behavior, etc. over a period of time)?

I have read about some cases in AR that were filed under general indignities and the ones I read ended up in not granting a divorce on either side b/c both parties were at fault.

In this case, I have the option to contest it by how?? Just telling them I don't agree to these terms, etc? Or/and is counter-filing/cross-claiming the same thing or another thing?

I'm just surprised that WH filed b/c I'm not even sure he knows or has kept the info about my address, or even knows the city/location in CA we were married at or knows info about children such as SSN.

Someone had to help him fill out the forms b/c from my knowledge he wasn't very good at that...he would usually ask me to fill out forms for him. Plus I don't know if he had help from an attorney or not b/c he was so behind on his truck payments!

So this is what I've gathered for proving my grounds of adultery and failure to provide for mine and children's welfare:

1) txt messages from WH and OW (about those childish conversations I had with them, can read my first thread)

2) timeline of events from suspicion of commiting adultery (start April 2007) and now

3) e-mail contact from OW

4) OW myspace page with her pic and WH pic and her professing her love for him.

5) Forged and cashed my last paycheck from work

6) Medical records showing I got Trichomoniasis from him while I was pregnant w/our second child.

7) More medical records showing I got HPV from him, too.
8) My pill bottle for treating Trichomoniasis

9) Hasn't sent anything for the kids or called for them

10) Proof that I have let him know where we're at, sent him b-day pics of our son

11) called him the day before I gave birth to our 2nd child AND let him know what hospital I was in and gave him #

12) called minutes after I gave birth to her and let nurse call and leave message to let him know I've just had our child

13) when I was planning to go overseas w/my parents, I sent him a notarized letter of intent w/the passport consent forms, w/return receipt, and restricted delivery to 2 different addresses, his last known address which the office of child support here and the USPS confirmed he still gets mail there and his mom's address, where he told me to send it to.

but he wanted me to sign for an uncontested divorce in order to get his signature for the children's passports.

Both pieces of mail were returned. The one sent to his address came back as addressee unknown and the one sent to his mom was never picked up.

I'd like some support, insight, advice, words of wisdom.

And who could've testified as one of his witnesses for him to file???? No one knows what went on with us except for us.


+++++++++++++ H E L P ++++++++++++++

I just had to share this, too.
About a month ago I prayed and asked God to please tell me where WH stays now and where he works...I guess God answered my prayers b/c I'll be finding all that info out soon. Unless WH is lying about that, too.

Now another question. WH lied on our marriage certificate stating he only has gone though 1 divorce, but truthfully it's been more than that.

Will that affect anything??

The forgery of the paycheck and the failure to send child support to the children are the real issues.

Demand back support from him and half of the assetts.

It'll shut him up really quick.

he hasn't been served with child support yet..

i'll just have to wait and see what he's asking for.

Well I found out more info today and I hope to get clarification on what these legal terms mean. I have spoken to some potential attnys in AR but not since I've found this info out.

Found out:
-Complaint was approved by judge since Monday.

-WH put the date of our marriage as Oct. 5, 2005. NOT TRUE We were married on an entirely different date.

-WH also put our children down as children from the marriage..put down their correct nsmes and birthdates. So why would WH put wrong date for our marriage?

-Also the form from what I am told was hand-written. An attny is not representing him. Funny b/c he usually asked me to fill forms out for him...he wasn't very good at that.

Also, that WH has been the first to initiate filing...his previous wife waited 18 mos to file b/c that was a true grounds to prove. Before the 18 mos was up WH didn't file anything though...

Guess OW helped him.:p

-WH did not ask for custody.

-WH stated that he will pay child support LATER! WTF is LATER??!!

-I still have to call OCS to let them know WH IS in AR b/c he filed for D.

-I asked if there was an address for me to be served at and they told me from the complaint, no. But is it supposed to be placed in the complaint? Just wondering if he thinks I'm overseas and wants to get this done behind my back or has a diff. agenda.

-WH wants an 'absolute divorce' does that mean the same thing as divorce or dissolution? What makes 'absolute' different?

-said we separated Mar. 2007. But WH chose for us to leave our home and stay with his broth and his family until we find a new place to live. WH was staying with us most of the time until he started sleeping around. We were still having sex until the 3rd week of may 2007. WH told me to leave the house May, 25 2007 after I confronted him about me finding out that night from the hospital that I had an STD. So he lied about that.

-WH signed it stating all info is true.

I'm getting things ready..


********Thanks for reading and helping************

I understand WH desire for a divorce...but I believe it's only right to get it done in a truthful and fair way.


And WH wants a RO if necessary.

"absolute" is probably a legal term. In other words, your union is completely undone.

Get the best possible lawyer you can find in AR. Have that attorney work with the CA one and Child Services. He doesn't get to pay child support later.

I'd follow Pariah's advice. Don't worry about grounds or what this says. Worry about what you'll walk away with. In the end, the legal document becomes so much red tape. Teh reasons are never accurately stated there, and no one reads the things besides the court. The parts that will follow you for the next 18 +/-, are the custody and child support, plus what assets and what liabilities you get.

Focus all your attention here.

Thanks. I found out that absolute divorce is just that, a divorce. Whereas limited D is like a trial separation.

I found out the grounds he filed was living separate continuouslyand no sex..but that's not valid b/c we've been apart continuously w/no sex for 9 mos. now, not 18 mos.

I agree, child support has to be paid NOW. Custody has to be ordered to me. He's trying to hide what he has.

He's lied a lot like on the date we got married...that particularly irks me b/c it is not true.

ok, got my updated info and thought I'd share to see what you all think.


New info I found out.

-WH told them that he doesn't know where I am so my address is "unknown". But he has my # to call I also sent him pics of our son and daughter with our address on it.

-His grounds again was that we have lived apart since Mar 2007-9 mos according to him, do the math doesn't add up, but that's not true.

-WH is representing himself.

-WH got his fees waived b/c he claims unemployment so he got things filed IFP.

-WH says he has money in a checking/savings account. Which I believe I know what bank it's in.

First I've got to see if his complaint is even valid b/c of the info and same for the grounds.

Then if it is, even though it's not the truth, I will counterclaim/cross-file.

WH is trying to get me served in the paper. I'm just waiting for the summons paperwork to get in...

Still talking with lawyer to get everything ready.

oh also said we don't have any assets, not true.

Hey everyone,

my WH can't even get a divorce on the grounds he filed. I recently learned that he had his SUV repossessed b/c of past due account and is living with his mother in her senior citizen apartment....whoa, what is going on? My brother-in-law's wife told me that he is doing really bad and that she has never seen him look the way he does right now...KARMA?

I started to feel sorry for him...I had the money to get his account up to speed but thought that not helping him would actually be good for him.

Well, everything is in God's hands. Like I've read so many times on this forum, you can't control their actions but you can control how you respond.