I found out a week ago today. I'm still crushed but am finally able to eat and sleep a little again. We've been married for 3 years (common law) and have a 2 year old daughter. He's been working a lot of long hours trying to get a new business up and running. This was something I also helped with as much as I had time. It was our dream. But I was starting to complain about him not coming home till 10 or 11 o'clock almost every night. By then he was too tired for conversation, sex, anything. So we were fighting a lot and I was getting pretty demanding. Then about a month ago, he hires a new secretary who is young and single. The first time I met her I got weird vibes from her like she was shocked that I introduced myself as his wife. But then the next time I saw her, she was all cocky and strutting around like she owned the place. At the same time, my WH is very standoffish when we are around her. He even freaked out one time when I kissed him there, saying it was a place of business. But he'd always been affectionate with me there before. So I'm starting to wonder, what the H**L and confronted him, and when he denied everything, I talked to her. She said there was nothing going on, but told him what I said, and he was furious. That's when he started staying out till 2 or 3 in the morning. He didn't come home at all 3 times. When that happened, I gave him an ultimatum, start acting like a husband and father, or get out. I know.. huge mistake. Well, he left. He rented an apt over the shop but insisted he still loved me and wanted us to be a family, this would just give him the space to work on the business without having to fight with me every night over how late he worked. I was devastated but tried to accept what he said as the truth. About a week later, he hadn't been back to see me or our daughter. He didn't answer any of my phone calls and only called me back twice. So I showed up at the shop and said we need to talk. We went up to the apt and he told me he wanted a divorce. No there was no one else, he just hadn't been happy with me in a long time, and he didn't think we would ever get that spark back. I was so upset but still suspicious. He got a phone call and I went to the bathroom. Her stuff (the secretary's) was all over the bedroom and bathroom! I felt like someone punched me in the stomach!! He still tried to deny it, but eventually admitted they were seeing each other, but had not had sex. In fact, he said he first kissed her the night before. But he said she had been staying there almost since he moved in the week before and sleeping in the one bed.. but no sex??? He said they stayed up talking and how nice it was to have someone just listen and not judge or demand or expect anything. He was very cold telling me all this, like surprised I was so hurt. He was cold to me all last week too. Then on Easter, I left him a message about how the baby was playing at the park, and how it just wasnt' the same without him with us. He showed up right after that, and saw our girl for the first time in 2 weeks. He looked determined and was very careful not to look at me or talk to me. I cried a little, but not hysterically like on all my phone messages the week before. I had been reading about plan a, and that is what I'm trying even though I haven't seen him again since then. But we have talked every day this week, and he has softened a lot. Like saying he does still care, he just doesn't miss the fighting. He also says he's not in love with that girl, I mean he's only known her a month! And that she parties and doesn't have custody of her 4 year old son and that's not really what he wants out of life. Couldve fooled me, since he's out partying with her almost every night of the week! But he says he thinks about us all the time. I asked if he wanted me to just let go of him and he said no, but I feel like he has his cake and is eating it too. I mean, he gets the single lifestyle and a young mistress, but knows the little wifey and family is just waiting at home for him! It's really hard for my pride to go through all this!! And of course my heart, when I lay in bed at night, cuddling our baby, thinking of him and her together, it just rips my heart out!!! How do you deal with this pain???
