I used to think the same was as you....That thought sometimes comes to mind "why am I the one suffering when I was one not to cheat? why isn't God listening to my prayers?" I finally came to the conclusion that God has his own plan for each of us, we will look back and realize it was for the best. It's hard not to think about it, you see everyone around you laughing and having a good time when you are going through sadness and just want to cry. But why torment yourself even more? Things will soon begin falling into place. These men are not suffering right now but you don't know if they will later on. Yes, we are suffering but because we are letting them. You don't know if he is actually suffering inside, he is not going to tell you. He is going to paint a perfect picture of his life right now just so you won't say "I told you so". We all wish we could close our eyes and things would be back to normal and our marriages would be great like they used to be before the A. But unfortunately they are not and we have to let go of the past and focus on the present. We can't change the past but we sure have say so on the future. Keep your head up high and be strong! Things will get better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Oh...I know exactly how you feel. Up until a few days ago I have been so upset and crying every day since I started plan B. I also prayed (very bitterly) to God about how come He hasn't done anything yet in my situation. I was pretty distraught.

I too was the one who went to Church, read my bible and prayed for God to make me a "godly woman". I also asked that God would help my husband to come back to the faith and be the man and father God wills him to be....and for all my prayers I got cheated on too!

But I have to say that after asking God why this happened, I've come to realize that this situation may be the very way that God has chosen to make me a godly woman. And that this may be the only way in which my WH returns to God and gets saved.

Prior to his affair, my WH always thought he was a "good" person too. He always commented on how he had never done ANYTHING that would warrant going to ****** over, etc. etc.

But I can only trust that God will show him that he is just as much a sinner as everyone else and that my WH needs to submit to Christ and be saved. I cannot do this for him, only God can show him now.

So I keep praying for peace and God keeps supplying it. I just asked for God's will to be done and for me to accept whatever He has decided is best. It's been very hard, but I feel MUCH better. God knows how hurt we are and how hard this situation is, I think He just wants us to rely on Him for everything and trust Him with our lives.

When I decided to do this, it seemed to bring a sense of calmness that has freed me from being angry and hurt. I have given my WH over to God and will wait to see what happens.

I know you've been going through this for a lot longer than I have and so you've had to deal way more hurt. But I would just pray and ask God to help you restore your faith in Him. He knows how you are feeling, but I believe He will help you trust Him again.

I don't know if your situation is similar to mine, but my WH has always seemed to have such golden opportunities handed to him in regard to his employment. He, despite having no college at all, makes 56K a year and I, having nearly a bachelor's degree, can only make around half that. He is also WAY more outgoing than I am and seems to make friends pretty easily. I am not able to make friends like that and am not that social.

So I can relate to feeling that your XWH always "lands on his feet" while you struggle. I can only say that despite our short comings, God is with us. That is huge. God is not for men who do this to their wives and they will not always prosper as they seem to now.

Another poster on here (SL77) reminded me of a passage from the bible that speaks about how the wicked seem to always get a "good life" while the righteous suffer. It's in Psalm 73. Here is a portion of it:

Truly God is good to Israel,
To such as are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
My steps had nearly slipped.
3 For I was envious of the boastful,
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 For there are no pangs in their death,
But their strength is firm.
5 They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like other men.
6 Therefore pride serves as their necklace;
Violence covers them like a garment.
7 Their eyes bulge with abundance;
They have more than heart could wish.
8 They scoff and speak wickedly concerning oppression;
They speak loftily.
9 They set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue walks through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return here,
And waters of a full cup are drained by them.
11 And they say, "How does God know?
And is there knowledge in the Most High?"
12 Behold, these are the ungodly,
Who are always at ease;
They increase in riches.
13 Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain,
And washed my hands in innocence.
14 For all day long I have been plagued,
And chastened every morning.

15 If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children.
16 When I thought how to understand this,
It was too painful for me--
17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God;
Then I understood their end.

18 Surely You set them in slippery places;
You cast them down to destruction.
19 Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment!
They are utterly consumed with terrors.
20 As a dream when one awakes,
So, Lord, when You awake,
You shall despise their image.


So if our WH's continue on this path, they will not like where they end up. But it will be of their own choosing.

Do you still attend Church? If not, I hope that you consider returning. At least start reading the bible, praying again and ask God for help with your emotions. That has helped me a great deal.

I would get together with some Christian friends too if you can. Go out and get a smoothie or coffee and just relax and enjoy your time with them.

You don't have to let your XWH's sin cause you to retreat into a cave. God has a purpose for you and this situation. Start asking Him to show it to you.

Saralynn, neither of us ever filed for divorce though I thought about it many times. We are expats living in Asia. At the time, I was here as his dependant and divorce would have meant moving 7,000 miles, uprooting three children from the only home they knew. So I stubbornly stayed put.

He went to live initially with OW and then, after about 8 months as things soured, he rented his own apartment. He has progressive kidney failure and when he finally started dialysis, she dumped him. He wallowed in self-pity for a very long time.

I really believe that sending the WS off to live out their fantasy brings them down to earth with a big bang. His OW had a teenage son who hated him. He had three daughters who adored him (pre-affair). The stupidity and selfishness of affairs played out big time in my situation. Had he remained with OW, I'd have moved on but knowing he was living alone and was quite sick was very hard to deal with.

Good luck SL.
TT

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