I recently found out my wife of 11 years has been talking to another man. It all started when she went to a night club with a couple of her girl friends. She and this guy danced and flirted for a few hours. They then began texting and talking on the phone as well the following week, until I found out about it. She swears that nothing more happened, and I think I believe her, but I am still feeling crushed inside. I keep telling myself it was just flirting and the counselor we are now seeing agrees, but I still feel bad. How can I ease my mind and get over this? Thanks for any help you can give.

Flirting is what happened at the bar. Though I am not comfortable with the whole dancing thing. The texting and the rest is a precursor to your wife having an affair.

If there isn't a problem there now, there will be. And personally any counselor who doesn't see a problem with this is a hack. Think about how you would approach a person that you were interested in while you were single. Much like what happened at the bar, no? There is a ton of info on this site. Check it all out. Unless you are a psycho with a history of ridiculous jeolousy issues, if this makes you feel uncomfortable its probably for a good reason. Now excuse for flirting, texting and heading down the path that everyone involved knows where it will head.

your wife is doing two dangerous things
flirting and dancing
and throw in alcohol???!!!!
both are sexual foreplay.. and the therapist should KNOW this.

BECAUSE the guy she "just flirted with" KNOWS he is seducing your wife

in marriage counseling find out and explore why your wife wants to flirt with any man.. and how she will deal with the fact that she will feel sexually attracyted to other men..
that attraction will just happen..but she needs to know it is meaningless and to not act on it.the marriage counselor should help you BOTH understand your bodies and how we humans really work..
if you read any of dr harleys books you soon learn that the more fun thing your wife does with other men the greater chance she has of falling in "love" with one of them..AND having sex.. and THEN the dynamic wil get REALLY comlicated because sex creates some really deep feelings

..the counselor should point out to your wife ..how dangerouser her behavior is
jerseyboy

It was just flirting if your WW was single.

It was the start of a relationship. They were dancing touching drinking texting calling. Is this not how a man and a woman start dating?

Councilor was wrong to say it was just flirting just because there was no SF. The flirting is the beginning stage of an EA.

Do you have access to her phone records and passwords? Do you have access to any other passwords and bank records? Is she being completly transparent with you now? what do you know about this guy? Do you know his name? Is he married? Has your wife agreed to have no contact with him? Has a no contact letter been sent to him that you read and approved of?

Has she been able to talk to you about exactly what happened? Is she telling you everything you need to know, answering all your questions?

The two of you can get through this. I know how you feel as I was where you are now two years ago. Different circumstances, but same crushed feeling. For me, it was an EA on the part of my H with an old high school girlfriend. He just wanted to see if he could get someone to admire him and like him. He did not think it was really bad since he knew it was all just "talk"--mostly trying to re-live old times-- nothing "physical" and he knew he wasn't going to "do" anything.

It is the secret aspect of it that is so crushing--especially when you have no idea that anything could possibly be going on.

I hope she will no longer go out without you. Keep reading and keep posting.