I used to have another name on here but changed it as my x was told by someone that I had posted on here and basically destroyed my plan A and so I immediately moved to plan B. In any case I am now approaching a year since my divorce (May 07) and have a new house, making enough money, traveling for the first time ever to places I have always wanted to go, and doing things to keep busy. But there are still some key things missing and I am still having some feelings that I can't seem to get rid of. I know I need to work on myself and my self esteem and I am trying but it just seems to take a while.

1. I just don't seem to have success in the dating scene yet. I am very picky and maybe am shooting too high but I don't want to settle for lower. I keep getting this feeling that since I am older (42) that maybe I won't ever get what I am looking for. I am definitely visually attracted by athletic types and am very athletic and in shape myself. But I am very shy and still unexperienced with the dating thing. I keep on telling myself it will happen. Maybe amongst friends, or some athletic outing. But just don't see it happening at the bar scene.

2. I can't get out of my head what my x did. Here is a person that I adored for 15 years. I thought she was beautiful and most of all an honest person. She seemed to hold honesty with people and herself in high regard. Until I found out she had an affair and had not been honest with me for 15 years. I keep on thinking to myself was it my lack of sexual abilities? I do have a case of PE but we had worked around that in many different ways and had fun. She said that se did not think that she ever loved me and so I feel like the fool for so many years. I now have doubts with myself if I will ever be able to have a relationship with a woman because of my lack of stamina. Yes this is a self-esteem issue but does anybody have any recommendations on what to do?

I feel like I want this out of my head forever and move on. I want to travel the world and eventually have somebody to go with. That is another question I have as well. Has anybody out there travelled after a divorce by themselves and been perfectly OK with it? Have you felt like you should have somebody else? How did you overcome these felings?

Finally, am I posting this question in the right place?

You were with her for 15 years and divorced for one year. It is too early to be dating. You need to work on yourself and rebuilding your life. Have you learned to single and happy yet?


Losing your self-esteem is pretty common. I was convinced that I was worthless after my divorce. I felt that way for a couple of years. I don't feel that way anymore because I am not worthless.


Heck yes! It was hard at first but traveling on my own has taught me how to be single. Last summer I rode my bike solo from South Dakota back to Wisconsin. This summer I will take a similiar trip. I go to movies on my own, restruants on my own... you gotta learn to be single!



There is a big difference between needing a relationship, and wanting one. How to overcome the "need" for a relationshp is to learn how to be happy on your own.


You got a reply so you are at the right place!

Thank you thank you thank you. This is the kind of stuff I need to know as I have not been along this path before. I guess I have not learned how to be single yet and really enjoy being alone. I am trying to hard to get into another relationship or hook up that it seems to be the only thing I think about sometimes. I feel like the kid in Highschool who is is constantly being heckled by his friends as to whther he has gotten laid yet or not ;-) My friends are always asking me if I have another girl yet or not and I say no but the thing is I really don't care. I am also very particular and don't want to hook up with somebody just to get laid. I can't force myself to do that. Sometimes I think maybe its a my subconscience competing with my x to try to get into a relationship as if to say "look I don't need you I can do it too."

I agree with B.
I know I needed to be ok alone before I could even think of dating. When my marriage first ended, my first thought was that I immediately wanted to find someone to date. The last few years of my marriage I was essentially alone anyway, we slept in separate rooms and all. But, instead, I took that time to reinvent ME. I went back to college to work on the degree I always wanted. Now, I am almost finished my bachelors. I recently started my own business and hope to have another side one up soon. I completely started working on becoming exactly who I wanted to be.

About a year after my marriage ended I did have a year long relationship with someone, but that did not end up working out. It was painful and sent me back to my therapist for awhile, but helped me to learn that I still had some things I needed to work on.

I am now 3 years out, single, and totally ok with it. I feel empowered, I feel strong, I feel invigorated. Most importantly, I feel as though I am getting to the point where I will eventually make a wise choice in a man.

Alone is not a bad thing at all! Ignore your friends. :-)

mlhb