I just found out a month ago that my husband of 25 years was having an affair with a co-worker. He has known her for over a year and would mention her from time to time as part of a large group of friends at work. I trusted that it was true and NEVER questioned it. Late last year, they started having lunch together outside of the larger group. She invited him to her house for lunch. This lead to breakfast meetings. They were calling each other and talking alot. Always during the day. Apparently, at one of the lunches at her house, she kissed him. This lead to further kissing and intimacy but not sex. He started to feel guilty and decided to come home and confess before it went any further. We have been under a lot of pressure in our house (one of our sons has been diagnosed with a chronic illness). This other woman became an ear and a shoulder for him. When she offered more, he let that door swing open. I am completely stunned. We have been together for 28 years. Our families are large and extremely close. This would be the last thing that anyone would suspect. I feel very betrayed. We were married for many years before we had the children. I left my career and dedicated myself to this family. Now, at this difficult time in our lives, he chose to find comfort with someone else rather than coming to me. I resent the fact that they were together and sharing their feelings while I was home dealing with our family responsibilities. Some people say that because there was no actual sex that it's not that bad. I'm feeling like the emotional and the limited physical connection is still quite a betrayal. I can't seem to get it out of my mind. He, of course, wants to forget about the whole thing. He completely broke it off and seems sincerely sorry and blown away by his own bad behavior. I'm having a lot of heartache and am obsessing about it all of the time.

Is there anyone with a similar story with some advice??

mew63,

I'm very sorry you find yourself in this situation, but you've come to the right place (nearly). Repost your story in the Infidelity>General Questions II forum, which receives much more attention.

Please take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. There are many others who have gone through very similar situation. Also, your feelings are normal. I recommend reading "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

Does your husband still work with this woman? In order for you to feel safe, he will need to have no contact with her forever. So if he still works with her, one of them will need to find a new job.

Hi BHHFSGuy,

Thanks for the kind words, the book recommendation and the re-direction. I posted again and got immediate response.

This kind of heartbreak is such a horrible thing. It hit me hard and out of the blue. I am feeling terribly alone. I'm grateful for a place to go.

I appreciate the support of this group.

I hope that you are doing well.

M