There are so many songs on the radio that trigger me, love songs, songs about cheating, etc. I just got an iPod for my birthday and am so excited because now I can listen to just the songs that won't make me feel blue.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I read your posts daily.

LA,

You seem so much stronger, and also more contented. Good for you!

Who

Thanks Victoria! I usually just listen to the classical station and yesterday I switched to the CD player and I'd forgotten what I had in the CD player. Those are the same CD's that I put in there when I was driving back & forth to AZ. Maybe I'll change them out today.

And that new song by Lifehouse that's on the radio is a killer. It nearly describes my situation perfectly.

Today was not a good day.

Why can you be semi-ok one day and a complete mess the next day?

Insomnia has become a problem. I want to sleep, but I can't. I get drowsy & try to go to bed, but can't ever fall asleep. I am trying a different dosage of this medication so I am hoping it helps.

I feel horrible. And it makes me mad that he is probably sleeping just fine, with her in our bed, under my grandma's handmade quilt. The headboard is mine too. My stomach just turns at this.

Hi Sunshine,
Did you ever have problems sleeping before the A?
In HK people have completely different ideas about sleep than in the West. You don't have to be all cozied up in bed to drop off. If you start getting all dozy on the couch, stay there and snuggle down. Getting up and moving to bed is disrupting you and waking you up again. Once you're indoors, get comfortable clothes on and if you feel sleepy on the couch, on cushions on the floor, wherever - just stay there.

Once you are getting some sleep, then you can worry about where you sleep, but for now just go with the flow and grab it wherever you can.

This is, of course, just my opinion. Fortunately, I only occasionally have trouble sleeping. Usually I get into bed, start reading and just manage a couple of pages before I turn out the lamp. If I've had a glass of red wine, I don't even bother to try and read - it knocks me out.

I didn't really have a problem going to sleep before this all happened.

When I'm home, I'm usually in comfy clothes. I usually have a routine that I follow before I go to bed, but even doing that I can't sleep.

I just got up at 1:30 pm today. I took the higher dosage and slept for 4 hrs straight, woke up, fed kitties and took another pill and went back to sleep. Now that I'm up, I feel pretty good. My mouth is dry and my hands are a little shakey, but that's one of the side effects of this medicine. I can deal with that.

And I noticed as long as I eat regularly and don't let my blood sugar get low I have better days. So now I know that I need to eat and get more sleep. My eyes aren't red or puffy either. I actually look more like me than the zombie I've looked like the past few days.

This evening I found out from a very close friend that her and her husband were having alot of problems. He's not having an A, but they are having alot of $$ problems and he is not the most ambitious person. I feel so bad for her. She didn't go into the specifics on the phone, but the tone of her voice and her hesitance lets me know that she is really scared and hurting.

She is my friend who rushed to my side when I got the first set of D papers in my mailbox. She has came to my place, sat with me while I sobbed uncontrollably, spent the night and just been there as a magnificent friend. I do not want her to feel the pain that I have felt. I want to help her any way I can. I have told her that I would say special prayers for her that everything will work out and I have told her to call me at anytime. I am going to give her my HSHN book when I see her later this next week. I told her about some of the concepts and she said she wanted to read the book. I hope it helps.

i found out a few months ago that friends of mine, who i THOUGHT had a perfect marriage, were having major troubles. she confided in me (after being there for me during the many problems i had with exbf who is actually how i met these friends). no infidelity in this marriage either but i would fear if it continues as she tells me it was that that could happen. i too sent her my copy of HNHN and may send her my copy of LOVE BUSTERS as well. I also sent her a Christian book on marriages as well (ironically enough given to me by my MIL when she was trying to help me save my marriage).

i am finding that, even though my marriage did not work out, i can use the principles i learned here and from the books to help with future relationships AND to maybe help others who are struggling in their own marriages.

sometimes coming here does not help us to save our marriages, sometimes it is too late for that. but, it can help us to learn and grow and become better people, and to help others. before i found this place, if my friend had told me of her problems, i would have told her to leave her H. now, i am like "no, don't do that! fight like heck, read these books, get help, etc" totally different mind set for me now.

i think it is a very nice thing you are doing for your friend

you are growing and learning a lot LA.

mlhb

I have grown and changed alot. 8 months ago, I would've told my friend to kick him to the curb. Now, I find myself telling her to save her marriage, get into counseling with him if she can. I told her talking to my therapy lady has helped me so much. I know there has to be free marriage counseling through her temple and I told her that. I told her to call the rabbi and ask. I told her not to give up.

Today I was supposed to go out with friends. And I couldn't go because I couldn't wake up. I can't sleep during the night, but I fall asleep in the morning and sleep til afternoon. I have to figure out how to sleep at night.

I missed acting class this morning. I can only hope that the coach will let me make up the class. And I'm having really bad dreams. And WS is in all of them. Me trying to rescue him. I don't get it. I haven't talked to him in over a month and I can still hear his voice in my head and I still find times where I want to call him and tell him about things happening in my life. I still have him on my phone as a speed dial. I can't bring myself to erase his number or any of my in-laws from my phone.

I'm trying to be positive and work on me, but there are days where I want to curl into a little ball on the floor and just lay there and wish that I could just disappear and wakeup in a different time and place and I won't hurt anymore. That the crushing pain and sadness will just go away.

Sunshine, have you tried ADs instead of sleeping pills. I know you have 'the therapy lady' but have you talked w/ both her and a doctor about the sleep issues.

I am currently taking 150mg's of Zoloft each day. Plus the Ativan .5 mg's if I have a meltdown and at night the MD told me to up my dosage of Seroquel to 200 mg's. I get drowsy and that airhead feeling where you feel all floaty, but I never go to sleep. And if I do doze off, I dream about him and her together. And I wake up. The MD said on Thursday that if the higher dosage of Seroquel didn't work, to call him and he'd change it to something else. I have been on so many different pills, I've had to keep a list. I've even started going out & excercising in the mornings and evenings hoping that it would tire me out.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Have you tried a candlelit bubble bath with relaxing music? (My chiropractor really recommends that - along w/ ONE glass of red wine.)

I used to take baths every night before bed. They used to help. Not anymore. I have been listening to the new age music before bed too. I'm gonna try the cool washcloth on my forehead thing tonight. I've even considered asking friends to spend the night with me again. They did that in the beginning when I quit eating and drinking and wound up in the hospital.

I might try yoga too. A friend is really good at it and said it could help.

When I have too many things on my mind, I need a distraction in order to fall asleep - like a slow movie, or a radio talk show. I like that scifi movie with Harrison Ford (Blade Runner?) because he narrates in a monotone, and I like Art Bell (or the new Coast to Coast show) because it's just bizarre enough and interesting enough, with enough of a monotone.

I know that goes against what the experts say, but it works for me.

{{{{{{{{LA}}}}}}}}

I totally understand that need for sleep and not able to fall asleep at night. Mimi and a few others suggested Tylenol PM, but honestly when I was in the store someone else recommended and sleeping pill. You are supposed to take 1, I take almost 4 and they don't help at all.

NOw the addict in me keeps taking them. But the healthy person just looks to G-d and asks for his help in falling asleep. I have those nightmares as well.

We are so similar in our walk and feelings about being in Plan B. It really is easier, though I miss talking to mine and hearing his voice. But I am COMMITTED to staying dark. He shows up at games, doesn't come near the field where I am, but he can see me. I just laugh and have fun and concentrate on what I am doing.

I here for you LA, please know that you have so many others checking on you and pulling for you. You are NOT alone and you are doing awesome.

Two other things you could try for sleeping: One, sign up for some yoga classes. I find that you really need a real yoga studio to get the real benefit, the calmness, the meditation, and the removal of stress from your body. You can do a tape at home, but the studio sessions are amazing.

And this may or may not work, but I have an alarm clock that has the sounds on it; some also have aromatherapy. But mine has the option to listen to waves lapping on the shore, a river running, and a forest complete with birds and crickets. It's amazing how calming it can be to listen to it, how it makes you relax and feel sleepy.

Could work.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I'm going to try yoga. There a zillion yoga places here in LA. And I do have the new agey CD's with the nature sounds. I have been using them. I really like them. Music has always been important to me. And going walking in the evening during my usual meltdown time 4-6p.m. helped today.

Tylenol PM used to be my go to pill when I couldn't sleep prior to D-day. It's not strong enough now. And it makes me nervous that I need such high doses of meds to try to get to sleep. That I'll go to sleep and not wake up like Heath Ledger.


We'll see how things go tonight.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I pray...about all sorts of things. Lay there in my bed w/ the lights out, can even play some music, and think about the people who need to be touched, the struggles I have, the blessings I have.

Next thing I know, it's morning.

Right now, my prayer list is for my own body, academic future for my children, that I become a better steward of my finances, for D&E who want to have a baby, that A&J were blessed to adopt, for W&J who are having legal difficulties, for my mom whose memory is slipping away and who is depressed, for my sister who won't speak to me, for my sister's family which I miss seeing, for my church family, that H stay mentally healthy, for T&S whom I seldom see, for the people here, that the soldiers stay safe, for my job and the stress there, for appreciation of the peace and joy in my house, for wisdom to parent my children and my mom, for my dear neighbors and the blessing they have been, and so many more things.

See, the list is so long that I just fall asleep laying still and quiet.

Well, I tossed & turned & I did sleep for awhile. But I keep waking up. The cold washcloth on my eyes helped for awhile. I also had a fan circulating the air around in my bedroom. It kept it a little cooler and felt better. Right now, I still feel tired. I'm going to try and go back to sleep.

Try not sleeping for too long, so you are more tired tonight.

I'm in the same boat, so it's normal. That should help that what we are going through isn't unique and that way people on here who offer suggstions are offering them because they work.