It's been a while since visiting MB, but something I just found out really jolted me. My divorce has been final now for about 1 1/2 years now and I've been working thorough, and have made progress with all the emotions associated with that stuff. Now, I just found out that the the guy my wife had an affair with at her place of employment will be starting at my company next week. At first I took it as an early April Fool's day joke, but quickly realized that it was no joke. The place I work is a medium sized company, but I'm surely going to run into him, possibly have to work with him at some point. I know that I should put this past me, but just when you think you've made personal advancements you're tested again. I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm preying for an answer. I know that I won't do anything to harm my position at work.

Any ideas on how to make it any easier?

This could be a good growth experience for you. How you handle it could indicate how much you've learned about the past with your wife. You've had a year and a half apart from the divorce to ask yourself what went wrong. Just revisit that briefly, go over it in your mind, and tell yourself that you don't have to be friends with this guy, and you don't have to speak to him at all unless he speaks to you. You do, however, have to be civil and will be expected to keep personal situations out of the work place.

I would not let his being there determine where you go unless you are forced to work together regularly and have some concerns about your job performance. Remember he's low man on the totem pole and at a disadvantage, with you being there longer. He's going to feel out of his realm already and very unlikely to be looking for an arguement or face off.

Take the high road. It was your wife's decision, and closer inspection of this guy isn't necessarily going to help you figure out what went wrong. It most likely all began way before he came along.

Do you have a good relationship with your boss? If so, it might help to have a talk with him/her to let them know the situation up front. They might be able to minimize your contact with OM and, in the event that there is an unforeseen incident between the 2 of you, at least the boss will know where you are coming from.

Is she still seeing him? My goodness if he knows you work there, WHY would he apply?
I can only tell you that one of my WH affair partners works at our business. This was/is the most devistating issues I have ever had to deal with in my life ! Their A has been over for at least a year, he has moved on to many other women. If he still sees her at all, I don't know that. Yet, I can't stand the sight of her. But, her staying only proves the type of women that she truly is. I would think a decent/morally sound woman who made a huge mistake of having an A and rubbing the BS nose in it would be long gone.

Our M is over, though we have not started D proceedings and still live in the same house. If I had to work with another A partner, it would still bother me. My love for him is gone, but I still have some pride left and another A like that would put me over the edge.

I hope you can do it, it's tough. If their A is over, it will be easier. But, you may still harbour hard feeling towards him, and having to see him won't be that easy - IMHO....

Hugs

Thanks for the advice. I've spoken with a good friend at work and pretty much said the same thing, take the high road.

He knew where I worked. In a town of this size though you're bound to run into people. Some nerve though. As far as the A, long story short, the ex moved on (and on...). Just kidding.

I saw him today as I was walking and talking to another coworker. I was a little nervous, but just kept on going pretending not to notice him. I know that we will have an encounter eventually and I will handle the situation just fine. I'll just rely on my faith that I'll do the right thing.

more power to you!
i would feel like, if ow came to where i worked, that she was honing in on my territory! lol
i am so not sure that i could do it.
but if i even heard she was interviewing i would be talking to my boss so fast.. there is no way that girl would get hired!

luckily we are in 2 different lines of work.
i actually help people in my job.
she chooses to work in a predominantly male field so she can be around men all the time. slut.

mlhb