Registration for coed softball league is next week. Up until last year, WSTBX and I played for 8 years together. It was my only social activity before and after D-day since I work 75 km from where I live - I basically don't know anyone in my town. This league isn't exactly IN my town, but it's in a nearby city. Because I really needed friends at the time, I chose to continue to play last year (D-day occurred in the week between registration and the first game). I did manage to get traded to a different team from WSTBXH. The games are all played at the same place, but unless my team played his team, I really didn't see him other than from a distance. He started bringing OW to the games about 1/2 way through the season, though she never had the nerve to come up to the diamonds (stayed off in the distance and they communicated by cell phone). My team, and the rest of the league, were very, VERY supportive of me all season to the extent that I finished it off thinking that I would for sure play again this year no matter what.

Fast forward to today, I've gotten through a whole winter and I'm doing fairly well on my own. I implemented a modified Plan B (contact only for essential communications) more for my own good than anything. I find I do better when I don't see or hear from or about him. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth my while to sign up this year. It's not like I HAVE to play. I don't have a huge social network but I do have a few local friends now, including one from the league who is looking forward to the new season. I hate to part company from what few friends I have.

WSTBXH plans to sign up. There is a 50/50 chance that OW will sign up. Even if she doesn't sign up, there is a 99% chance that she will be at registration (to not be there would mean letting WSTBXH out of her sight for more than 30 minutes which would never happen unless one of them were run over by a bus - hence the 1%).

So on the one hand, I enjoy playing and I enjoy the people in the league. I also still feel a little bit like "why should I have to give this up when HE was the one that cause this mess?" There are also tons of mens leagues around but very few leagues that women can play in unless they are really good (I'm not).

On the other hand, it's just a game and there's other things I could sign up for. Though I would miss it, I could find something else to do if I tried. Is it worth it to face WSTBXH and OW week after week? Especially at registration where we'll all be standing in a line inside in fairly close quarters??

I thought this decision would be easy to make after this much time, but now I'm agonizing. What would you do?

Tabby

I haven't followed your story, so I don't know all the ins and outs. My thought is, however, if you are in Plan B you probably shouldn't sign up. For the mere reason that HE should't get to see YOU. And of course, secondly, Plan B is for YOUR PEACE. If you see him and OW weekly or even ANTICIPATE seeing them, it will draw you back into the drama and destroy your peace.

Is there a way to participate in something else with these same friends outside of softball?

My story is very typical for a BS. ILYBNILWY speech, followed by intense anger at any attempt on my part to try to change his mind, followed by partial confession of the A, followed by uncovering the true facts (A lasted 1 year longer than admitted to), followed by WSTBX virtually instantaneously moving out and in with her, followed by more lies, deceit etc.

I do see your point about the drama, and even the anticipation of the drama. My Plan B isn't quite the same as most here. I have no intention of reconciling with WSTBXH even if he were to come crawling back on his hands and knees. But applying the basic principals of Plan B (no contact, working on improving myself etc.) has done wonders for me as a person. I'm still broken, but I get stronger every day.

I guess I feel a little torn between the thought of possibly giving up my new friends vs. facing OW and WSTBXH. My friends think I should take the high road, show up, ignore them and any and all attempts they make to get to me. It's been a year etc. I see their point too, but they also don't know first hand the pain of infidelity.

Has a D been filed?

And you are 100% sure that you are done? No ifs, ands, or buts?

That would change things for me. Plan B is for your peace and protection of your love for him. And it's about YOU. Moving on. Finding happiness and joy. But if you have no desire to reconcile, then there is no need to protect your love.

I would do what made me happy.

if this is true (and although I could not do it).....

I agree, and if you do end up playing against her get extra long metal cleats and practice your slide!

LOL!!!


Definitely!

Have you considered Martial Arts?

Lots of fun, great comrades, and excellent confidence booster.

Oh Yeah... If he gives you any grief you can put him in his place.

Tabby,

Definitely sign up!

The folks in the league supported you last year and will again.

WH and the skank are going to be as queasy as you are (or more..multiplied by two!)when they see you standing in line with a smile on your face, talking to some young handsome ball player. The skank will probably turn tail and run.

And its not "just a game" is it? It's what makes you happy and socially interactive. You are on the high road!.. don't miss out on this because of them.

Enjoy yourself. The more you see the low-lifes the more scar tissue will build up, and the queasy nervous feeling will become less and less.

You are done with the ah*le and are moving on with your life.

Carpe' Diem

IMHO

kirk

I think I would drop out for a year, and find some other interests. Taking the high road is highly overrated.

I'm divorced and don't want my husband back, but I wouldn't want to be around him and the OW. They are split up now, but I don't want to see her or see him anyway. Too many bad memories.

By next year the affair will be over, and then maybe you can consider it.

Thank you everyone. I love the metal cleat idea. I'm hoping she doesn't sign up at all. She's definitely not the sporty type - she might break a nail. But she is also very jealous so she could sign up just to make sure WSTBX doesn't wander more than a few yards from her.

I call it a modified plan B because I'm not trying to preserve any love for him - that was already destroyed. It's more to preserve my own self esteem. He's been very cruel, despite the fact that he's the one who had the affair, he's the one who left and he's the one who got everything he wanted and I didn't do anything wrong. His actual digs don't bother me so much as the fact that he still does them. For example, he came by the house the other day (I owed him money) and instead of just picking up his check, he wandered around checking the gutters and seeing what all was damaged through the winter, fixed my downspout etc. It seemed as though he was trying to fill time or something. Then his phone rang and I had to listen to 5 minutes of "I love you - kiss kiss - I love you so much babe" (puke). It was obvious he set this up intentionally. There was absolutely no need for it but he did it anyway. It just made me realize that they will act like 14 year olds in heat at baseball this summer so that's what I'm going to have to face if I go.

Still waffling a bit on it, though I'll likely sign up. If they are that bad, I'm not the only one who's going to want to throw up. It will just be one more thing he'll be ashamed of when she cheats on him and dumps him for someone else.

Sign up. Live YOUR life.

Let them deal with the consequences as they see you "not dependent" upon what they do or don't do.

God bless.

I would sign up and then ask to pitch only when your WH is batting.

That should rattle his cage a bit.

Update: I did it!! I've signed up! WSTBX called Thursday afternoon to "inform me" of baseball signup on Sunday. I really have no idea what his real motives are. He's only ever nice if he wants something but he hasn't sprung it on me yet. Only a week earlier, he had been by the house and made a couple of minor repairs, though that was just a stall tactic so he could receive a phone call from OW and then kiss her over the phone in front of me. But maybe he's building me up for a larger favour or something?

Anyway, he called and I thanked him saying that I knew about it. He asked me if I was going to sign up and I said yes. He said he was signing up as well but would request that we get on different teams (like the league would be dumb enough to put us together after last year). Then on Sunday, I went to signup with my friend. We were probably there a good 20 minutes between filling out the forms and then chatting with people we hadn't seen since last year. I saw OW's friend and her BF, but no WSTBX or OW. All I can figure is that he had someone esle sign him up. Or perhaps he called to find out if I was playing because OW didn't want him to play if I was (I can only hope, can't I?). She is very jealous of him and doesn't even like him to spend time with DS without her. In any event, the signup went off without a hitch and I stressed out for nothing.

I should find out my team this week - hopefully not on WSTBX's team. First game is in 3 weeks. Then I'll know for sure if they've both signed up or not. I can't imagine why she would want to play - everyone in the league knows she's the homewrecker. There's usually only a couple of new people per team each year so it's not like she gets to start with a blank slate or anything.

Tabby1,

Excellent! I was going to reply and say something about not knowing if I could handle seeing OM without getting arrested, but apparently you are a bigger person than I am.

Good luck & kick some [censored].

HA HA Krazy, I don't blame you. I think I had her scared last year. She came to a couple of the games, but instead of coming down to where the benches are, she sat up on a hill about 100 yards away. OW and WSTBX spent the entire game on their cell phones to one another. They were close enough they could have shouted and the cell-phone signal in that field is a little funny so WSTBX kept having to walk away from his team to get signal! Everybody laughed at them because she was too scared to come anywhere near me. It's another reason I wonder why he called to find out if I was signing up!