Hello everyone,

I am in need of some GOOD advise.
I have been trying Plan A few months now.
In May of 07, my husband told me he wanted a divorce for many reasons. 2 months later I find out he is having an affair.
He has been having an affair, but has been changing his tune.
He now doesn't want to get a divorce, but he is still having an affair.
He tells me he loves me, and that he is going to leave her, but he just doesn't know when.
These past few months have been hell, as the whole family knows, we have 2 small children. We are both 27 and have been married for 9 yrs.
I have put up with many things, this is the 3rd time he has an A, that I KNOW of.
I have forgiven him for my kids, and because I still love him. However I am beginning to see, that it may not be worth it.
I have been disrespected, humiliated, and hurt beyond compare.
I don't know, if I should stick around, or how to get him to snap out of it.
Please I need guidance, I don't know what to do.
I am very afraid to be alone, I can't do it financially.
Thanks.

There are a lot of considerations.

First, you need to figure out if you can make it financially. Are you currently employed? What about child support? You could figure about 20% of his income for child support, maybe more. Also, consider if you have any marital property that you could sell and if you have debt that you'd have to pay off.

If you can't live one what you would mke, you can still get divorced, but not right away. You need an exit strategy that includes making copies of important documents, including tax returns, saving cash in a separate bank account or a safety deposit box, and getting your income up. You can also work on your self esteem. Just because this man is displaying the morals of an alley cat doesn't mean you are valuless. Your value is not dependent on how he treats you. Platinum can be thrown in the compost pile, stamped on, and buried, but it's still platinum and just as valuable as before. A pit of a polish and it's better than ever.

If, when examining the finances more closely, you think you can make it financially, consider Plan B. Plan B is where you write him a letter explaining that you love him, you married him for life and want to remain married to him. However, his behavior is hurting your love for him. Therefore, to protect the love you bear him, you cannot have any contact with him until he ends the affair, sends you proof he's ended the affair and is willing to go to counseling. You also designate someone to use as a go between for communicating about the children.

Sometimes Plan B works. Sometimes, it doesn't. It's risky.