OK, Thanksgiving, christmas and New Years Eve. Not even here yet and already sick over the thought of how they will not be good days for me. Being I was pretty much dumped last weekend, after thinking he wanted to reconcile, I now know he didn't really want to. Think he is just enjoying his new freedom and never wants a committment from anyone, nor does he want to be with me because "he cant seem to quit hurting me and I deserve better". Common cop out isn't it. Do they really think we fall for this line.<P>Anyway, I hate the thought of not being with him over the holidays. Also this will be the first year that I got off work on New Years Eve and low and behold, I will be alone! I still do not want to date, because my heart is still hoping my ex will come to his senses. So how am I to handle these days. I am such a worrier, that I have already been boo hooing at the thought of this. I am sure he will have a new honey to take out, though I am praying my heart out that he remains alone.<P>Oh well, any suggestions?<P>

bluestar- i too am thinking of the holidays and how to handle- rather than<BR>dwell on the negative we must think about the positive. maybe plan events<BR>with family or close friends or if that<BR>is not feasible plan a "me" day something that you will enjoy that you<BR>wouldn't normally do - a massage or day<BR>at the spa a movie or concert or a day<BR>trip somewhere. holidays are stressful<BR>enough without these problems and although i don't know your exact circumstances it sounds to me from what <BR>you wrote that you need to focus on yourself and making you feel better and<BR>good about yourself independent of what<BR>h is doing. remember too, the holidays<BR>are 24 hour days like any other. hang in<BR>and best of luck.... trying hard

No suggestions, but wanted to let you know you aren't the only one worrying about the holidays. I have tried no to think about it but when all the decorations are already out how do you keep from it? Holidays alway meant so much to us. We went all out. I still have my family children and grandchildren but it won't be the same. His parents are already asking me for Thanksgiving, but I don't hink I can handle that. So if I come up with any ideas I let you know and if you do let me know.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

The first time my H saw the OW, to the best of my knowledge, was Columbus Day weekend last year. This year he is on vacation with her, perhaps celebrating their "anniversary". The last time we ever went anywhere as a family was taking the kids trick or treating last Halloween. Usually the kids start talking about Halloween in early September - this year they don't seem to care a whole lot. He ruined last Christmas by yelling at our daughter after she was rude to him and going to bed and literally hiding under the covers while the older kids and I put out Christmas presents, and then spending Christmas day pretty much like a zombie. Right now I would just as soon fast forward to at least next spring.

You are not alone in your dread of the upcoming holidays. I have always looked forward to them and now I am terrified. I'm over 1500 miles away and alone (except for H)who says holidays "never meant much to him anyway".

I agree. Thinking about the holidays alone, without a spouse, is a miserable thing. Perhaps you could volunteer. If you don't have family nearby, or as in my case don't want to spend a holiday feeling like the family is pitying you, volunteer at a shelter serving food. Helping people worse off than yourself puts everything be in perspective.

The holidays is one of the things kept my H and I from separating (which is good, by the way). We ARE together, and we are trying, but we are BOTH dreading them too. <P>I guess it's hard on everyone no matter how infidelity touches our lives.<P>We have to worry about the family asking questions, watching our every move, needing to sleep over... we wish we could just be alone, but of course, that's not what the holidays are all about.<P>Tough for all of us! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

My H's brief affair was between Thanksgiving and New Year's. I love Christmas and go all out. Although I didn't discover until Jan. 8, I pretty much know the timeline and what fun that will be.<P>I think about the fun we had cutting down a tree as a family...but he was involved with her. I think about the parties we attended that I thought we had a great time at, but then after one, the next day he bought her a ring (which he never gave her). It is unbelievable to me, even now. <P>So yippee, yahoo...bring them on!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I know what you mean. I always prepared Thanksgiving dinner for BOTH sides of the family. Well....my mom already brought it up and said no need for me to cook the dinner at my home, since I don't really have a "family" anymore, so she thinks we should do it somewhere else. And H and I have always had an open house for everyone the last Saturday before Christmas - everyone looked forward to it. Yuck! I'll think about this stuff later.<P>Lori

Hello again,<P>I will be with some family for Thanksgiving and xmas I assume. But as far as New Years Eve goes I am screwd. I am sure that my ex will be out with whatever honey he has at the time.<P>I am having a tough time believing that he was not ready to reconcile as of yet and just need time to himself to think. Also I know how lonely he gets and his great need for sex, so I feel for certain he is already talking to someone. It seemed before last weekend he wanted to work something out, women started calling him, then low and behold I got dumped. He has always had someone in his life. Never stayed single and dated around much. So I believe he feels this is his chance now. I try my best to keep the faith, but it's eating me up inside. Especially the thought some other woman will be eating Thanksgiving dinner with him at my ex inlaws house. I love them as my own parents, so I will miss them.<P>Anyone have any advice at least for New Years Eve. Sucks!! The stroke of midnight and all couples will be smooching, and I will be crying my eyes out. The new year and I still will not have my ex back, and if by chance he decides he wants to come back, I am sure I wont want him after he has been with other women.

My W left almost a year ago,so last years holidays were horrible.She even had the nerve to send me a Christmas card that wished me"The Best Ever!"For who,her and her trophy boyfriend?I spent New Years Eve with the neighbors,but it was'nt the same.This year will probably be better.I might even fly somewhere at Christmas vacation.There is one good thing.I'm not spending hundreds of dollars for presents for her big family.But I stuck to tradition,and put up the tree,and outdoor lights.She was'nt going to ruin it all for me.Kate31 has a great idea.Helping others worse off than yourself puts things in perspective.We may have a home with no spouse,but a lot of people have no home.<BR>Bluestar-my W will probably be celebrating at her family's with"The Kid",and it does hurt.So does New Years Eve without them.I'd be willing to give you a big"smooch"at midnight!- --Murph