Did you show them the video or play the audio?

IMO your WW apparently can't care less about what you know about the A - I suspect that she's upset that the OM likely no longer feels that comfortable coming around your home, now that you know about him. Don't confuse this with her feeling upset about any pain she might have caused you by her choices - choices that she still can't admit to, even in the face of video evidence.

I really think you need to extract yourself from that situation as quickly as possible. Stop the confrontations, or any R-talk, because it's not going to produce any results that are in your favour, and will only end up making you feel even worse than before. It sounds like you're dealing with an accomplished GASLIGHTER, and no good can ever come from trying to have any sort of relationship talk with someone like that. Get your plan together to walk away, and just DO it.

And yes, you'll make it through. Knowing what your WW is really like is eventually going to make it much easier for you to get over her.

I will, I will continue to gather evidence, and continue to detach myself, I'm looking at some apts and submitting applications like crazy, I wantt obe out of there by Dec 1st.

In the meantime, I will play the church mouse, I will be quiet and not anything to her anymore, I will be polite, and fly low under the radar..

If anyone has anymore suggestions on what I should do now, please offer them too me as I am ready to act on getting out of this sick marriage...

Thank You All for listening to me....

Whatver you do, do not have SF with her. Not only is she likely to try manipulating you by offering SF, you don't want to end up catching a permanent personal reminder of her infidelity.

HM, your post bothers me... I wonder if you have much respect for yourself.


So, if WW had confessed to having sex in your bedroom, on your computer chair, repeatedly, lied about it, had OM back, and then said she was sorry.... you'd be OK with that? Ready to give it another go?

I agree with the other posters - this R is terminal, get out fast. She's playing you! Thinks she can keep you sweet with a nice smile and some kind words ... good doggy. While she continues to screw OM with abandon.

Also...Why bother? What if she carries on? What if she stops? You're leaving right? I'd be doing practical things - seeing a lawyer, arranging for other accommodation, etc.

Do you HAVE to wait until December?

Good luck.

Hello All
I took a look at other apts today, I am going to make a deposit on a decent 1 bedroom, I need to make sure I have the money, why do I continue togather evidence, I dont know, self respect lacking , quite possibly, I am ready though, I made th eattemots and I am getting my affairs in order, Im in a strange city, dont know anyone, so this is the only option I have right now.
But I am lookimng for a place dilligently, and I am starting to feel better.... a day at a time..
My Birthday is in 2 weeks, I want to celebrate it with some dignity and self respect.
When its all over and I get the lawyers I am going to expose her for the cheat that she is, is that wrong ?

Good for you HM2, hope it all works out.

As for exposing your WW, it's not wrong, IMO, but also not necessary, since you're not trying to break up her affairs.

Have you had a look at the divorced / divorcing forum? Might be a better for you now.

I'd do it anyway. It's going to be done anyway during the D. Best that you do it under your terms, before the WW puts their own spin on why you're D'ing her.

Yes I plan to expose her to her parents and sister and brothers after I move out, I am continuing to get audio proof, and I got her to admit that noone has been over to the house on audio.

So I just have toget out of here and thats been hard because I have some credit issues and these renters are tough nowadays, so Im trying to catch a break with getting a place so I can get out of here and start healing and delaing with this crap and start recovering....

"She noticed the webcam, but did not say anything to me.
Looked like the OM would come by on Fridays, he would run pass the camera, they would make love in the computer chairs, he would leave and she would shower, he would come in about 15 minutes after I left for work.

In another incident, he ran past the camera and into the window blinds, she was still walking towards towards him, he whispered that he missed her, she said that she missed him too, they would kiss, she would lift the computer mouse to mimick like she was doing something, but not really, they where kissing , he ejaculated, I heard him do it, she said to him you came, he pulled out, she got up to block the camera and his shadow crept past her, the light behind her dress reflected his movement, then he turns the shower on while she is in th ebedroom, she starts to snap her fingers to block the sound of the shower head being adjusted.

on another occasion, in my bedroom, she called him to tell him that I was listening and that he could not come over, because of that, she told him he had a nice long d%$##$k.
My wife talking this way to another man, later he comes over anyway and he comes in through the window, they have sex, she tells him she is so hot for him, they finish, he leaves out the window."

This is what you stated in your first post. Did this happen or what you just stated that your wife passed in front og the camera...big difference. Either your wife is playing games or you may need to see a IC.

On the video, she ran to open the door, then he runs past the camera, you can hear him use the window blinds to stop himself, the window is 4 feet from where my computer and she was in front of it, then when theyfinished she got up and stood in front of the camera so he could walk past it she had a sheer dress on so you could see his shadwo walk by and hear the chair make a noise as he got up.

On another occasion she runs past the camera to stop him from coming into the bedroom, she runs back into the bedroom and he asks her if she is tired ..

And so on, my audio has been scracthy and I am sure of it, there has been one more incident which I wrote about in Feb of this year.... sorry for the confusion earlier but was out of my mind as I had just found out what was going on and a wrack of nerves.
Now she wants to play nice, she even voluntered to take a lie detector test, I dont care for those test as they really dont prove anything.

I can recall how it was and I have found a place to move into.
Now she wants to fight for the marriage, now she has tears, and fears, now she cares about her future and her name, before it was leave of you beleive it to be true, well Ii beleive it to be true and I'm leaving...took me long enough, but theres no changing, no truth, just illusions of happiness, head in teh ground syndrom, and I cant go for that...I deserve so much more out of life for myself.. dont we all ...

Update:
I have moved out of the house, we have stopped having SF,
She filed for D but then said that she was not serious
She agreed to a polygraph, I did not have the money for it
She agreed to counciling, but she does not agree to the affair

She does not admit it, and refuses to talk about it
I recorded her in Feb. this year bringing him over to the house.
She tells me its my imgaination, I have been ruining the marriage, our conversations end up always about me and not about why we are where we are.

She will do something for me, then tell me Look what I did for you see I Love you, but all I want is an honest admission.
When we are together she looks so pitiful, so sad, telling me that I'm wearing her out.

But I can't reconcile the fact that I heard what I heard, I have tried to discount it , maybe I was imagining it, but its true, I have the audio running through a forensic application and you can hear the faintest noises...the problem is it wont play in a regular media player all that well so when I let my councilor hear it on his crappy laptop he couldnt make it out.

But I let people hear it through the filter while I pointed it out to them, she was very slick in what she was doing, she know I was recording and covered her tracks, but still wants to hold on to me, I cant figure that out for the life of me, if she is going to do that why hold on to me.

But I have the D papers that she filled out and delivered to my job no less.
Its a mess, and I really dont have a lot of people to talk to about this.

The councilor said that what if she did have the affair, how do I move on, accept it and move on... thats what he said and thats what she said, not the admission.
She even said that she was going to say that she did it just to have peace in the house, the more I talk about it the more upset I get, and I keep agreeing to prolonging the D, but dont know.

Why am I holding on, hoping, co-dependant ? maybe ....dont know.

It sounds like you are caught in a loop. You want her to admit to it but she won't. She now says she thought about just saying she did it to end the madness. Now if she comes to you and finally says she did it you will wonder if she is just saying it for your benefit. Set aside a few hundred $$$ and get the lie detector test. Right now its the only way to be sure. Otherwise you may just have to take a big gulp of your pride and let it go.

I hear you
How do i get out of this thing, this loop.

I am really afraid, and hurt and havent really healed, I talk to very few people and this is really the best outlet for me, has been since I found out, I have been looking at other post and wanting to offer some encouragement to others, I dont, I just stay to myself.

You say take a big gulp of my pride, am I to forget that this thing happened and move on like everyone is saying ???
Find peace and fogiveness for myself ????

I would love nothing more, nothing more; this is a horrible existance, I go back and forth, I will tell her that we need to take the polygraph, however she gives me ultimatums like dont bring this up again, I dont want to hear this or that accusation again.
I feel like I'm making everyone's life miserable with this.

I feel divided... fence sitting...... there is this elephant in the living room and nobody sees it kind of feeling.
What did you do to get by, did you save your marriage ?
Did you move out and get a D ?
I need the courage to do the right thing here, despite myself.
Should I stay or should I go, truth or dare, feels like a game show.. to tell the truth or not, do the head in sand thing .

I'm ranting now, getting late