you can't find work in atlanta? wow! it is such a big city... i am surprised.

i loved it there, i think georgia is a really nice place.

mlhb

Me, too! I've begged my H to look for work in Atlanta. I just love it there. D17 is considering going to a college in Georgia. I wouldn't put it past my H to move there, just to keep an eye on her!

There are plenty of jobs in Atlanta and I know I can find something here. I just decided to widen my search to give me more options. If something comes up in another city that's the right career move, I can use the move as a way for a fresh start. Obviously, I can find a fresh start where I am now, but I just wanted to open up the possibilities.

Atlanta is a great city. I do like living here and I have family and friends here, but I wouldn't mind experiencing a new start in a new place if that's where this goes.

At least this is how I feel this week.... LOL

Cat - GA is a long way from Houston for your college girl! That would be a big leap of faith to send her so far from home for school. I don't know if I'd be brave enough for that as a parent. My nephew (almost 19) is a freshman at Kennesaw St. north of Atlanta. My B and SIL keep a close eye on him, though he's about an hour and a half away in Atlanta traffic!

She wants to go into fashion design/merchandising, and those schools are few and far between. So Savannah College of Art and Design is a big choice. So far, Univ. of North Texas is #1, LOL, mainly because when we visited last summer we saw their brand new, 1-block-long and -wide exercise facilities. She's a fitness nut. Does it snow there? She doesn't want to go anywhere that it snows, LOL, and even Dallas/Denton is pushing it.

I would give anything to move! I think there's no better way to celebrate living in America than to exercise your right to envision your favorite place/way to live, and then moving to a place that gives you that. Like, if you like to snow ski, choose Denver. If you like to surf, choose California. And so on.

Small thread jack....FWH and I are looking to move to Texas before the end of the year. I have found several great houses in the area just North of Houston. If everything works out, we'll be uprooting our 5 cats and relocating!

Who

Cat - it snows here in Atlanta sometimes. We haven't had much snow to speak of in a few years. Last year we got an ice storm. The weather here isn't nearly as warm as Houston, though the winters are very easy.

If she actually went to Savannah instead of the campus here in Atlanta, she would get warmer weather. Savannah is a beautiful little city with lots of history. It's warm and quaint.

If Savannah wasn't so close to OW, I'd move there!!! I don't want to be within 100 miles of her, so Savannah is out for me!!! LOL

Cool! Let me know if you want to email, and I can give you the lowdown on the neighborhoods you're looking at and the traffic and schools, etc. I just saw a House Hunters edition last week that did Houston. It was so funny to see. The people were going, 'where's the closet?' and the realtor was going 'here in Texas, the closets are in the bathrooms.' And the wife goes, you have a fireplace? In Houston? And the realtor goes, 'yeah, we usually have a winter - on January 3rd.'

Oops! Sorry to TJ, KLD! And I hear you about Savannah!

WH asked me if we could talk tonight and what he wanted was to discuss moving forward with D. He says there's no need to prolong the enevitable. I can't believe he doesn't get that asking me to go ahead and get a D when I don't have a job and am at a very low point because of that is cruel and heartless. He says he will "support me in the process and do anything he can to help me" regarding my job search. When I ask for clarification on that he just repeats the same sentence.

I am a little in shock, but can't believe I feel this way because this isn't really a surprise. Why does this upset me so? I had so hoped WH would leave D discussion alone until I get a job and become financially stable again and maybe that would give him time to decide to work on our M.

I feel like WH is a bit of a coward and doesn't see value in the hard work of recovering an important relationship. I don't understand how he can actually go through with a D when I'm so in need of stability while I find a job - especially when I gave that stability to him when he was searching and he rejected me by intensifying his A. I don't deserve this and it makes me so angry. When I said to him tonight that I don't deserve this, he just said he knows I don't. That was the end of the conversation. How do you treat someone so badly and live with yourself?

I realize that I've got to get myself together and approach this in a businesslike manner from here forward. I feel like my thoughts and feelings about him and our M won't matter to him so there's no point in trying to express them to him now. That's so frustrating. He's the cause of this and won't have to deal with the pain he's causing? Life isn't always fair, so I know I just need to get over it and get on with things. Getting ready for my new start is harder than I thought it might be.

I guess I need to call my lawyer tomorrow to file D papers. Ugh. I really had hoped we wouldn't get this far.

Oh, KLD!!!!!!

I am soooo sorry!!! I have not been able to post this week but have been praying and reading.

I think your impression of your WH is right on. A coward and extremely selfish. I think it would be so interesting to speak with his first wife. Too bad she's unavailable.

He is so deep in his arrogant, selfish wayward fog that he has NO comprehension of what he is doing to you. I would guess that he hasn't seen OW for the last week and is starting to feel withdrawal. So the best way to get a fix is to say that he wants out of your M. Please understand though that because he is an addict, he will continue to repeat his behavior. He will go to OW, get a small dose of reality with her and then want to come back for his dose of you. And so on and so on and so on.

He probably does not even give your job situation any thought. He has too many serious problems of his own(wah, wah, wah!!!). Please forgive my blatant DJs of your WH, but I can see so clearly that YOU do not deserve this.

I don't believe he actually IS living with himself. Right now he is BESIDE himself.

Oh and he WILL live with the pain of this. Life with the OW is going to be H*** on earth. You know her background. Reality ALWAYS sets in on an A. If and when YOU are no longer part of the picture, he is going to suffer mightily. But you know what? TOO D*** BAD!!!! He will be the loser then.

I wish I had the words to say how badly I feel. The same scripture I gave you earlier comes to my mind. Joshua 1:9 I am praying it into your life tonight KLD.

God is with you in a special way right now KLD. I am praying that His presence and love will be palpable to you.

Praying,
WH2LE

{{{KLD}}} I am so very sorry. You deserve so much better. Does it help to consider that many people grow up not learning to own up to their responsibilities, that it's a criticism of society, moreso than just your husband? I see it SO OFTEN these days. It's truly scary. I remember my mom telling me that in the Depression, men would die rather than admit they couldn't care for their family and needed government assistance. Many men did die this way, the shame was so great, the integrity was so strong.

I truly blame Welfare for this. It taught us that someone else would always catch us when we fall. Somehow, that wormed its way into our psyches, as did the Equal Rights/Welfare crap in the 60s, when we learned that if we're not married, we get more money from the government - which led to men getting women pregnant without marrying them, and then led to sex being ok, and then led to expecting sex at all times...

I'm afraid your H is just part of the symptom, and I wish I could spare you from it, you don't deserve it. But you are so very strong, you will come out stronger, wiser, better. I know it doesn't seem so, but you are truly the better person. Some day, he will cower in shame. Have you asked him yet what would his mother say?

So, come to Houston! I'll show you around! I'll get you set up! Let me know and I'll give you my email and I'll try to help you find the job and house and life of your dreams!

{{{KLD}}}

WH2LE - Thanks so much for another uplifting post. I appreciate the scripture reference - I gain strength from it. No spouse deserves this and I just don't understand how someone can do these things to someone they at least loved at one time.

I will never understand this. It seems like he just can't wait to get out and will go at any cost. It sounds like he may not even get a lawyer. He said he will give me the house and almost all the furniture. I didn't even respond to any of his statements about splitting up our stuff. I felt like that was what I'll pay the lawyer to do and I don't want to jump the gun there.

Geez. This really bites.

Cat - I've sent alot of resumes to Houston over the past 2 days. So far, I've gotten 2 rejection notices!! LOL. I'll let you know if any opportunities turn into interviews and real possibilities. I'd love to have some help getting my bearings if I end up making a move. Thanks a million for the offer.

I do know that I will get stronger from this experience, but I'd prefer to have a happy M with the lovely man I married. Apparantly we can't always get what we want!

I told him tonight that this experience has hurt me more deeply than anything I've ever had to face in my life and that nothing I've faced previously has prepared me for this much pain. He just said he knows.

It hurts so much that he is in such a rush to be done with our M.

KLD,

Good idea to let the lawyer take care of it all. And good idea to not even respond to his statements.

My XH was also very anxious to go and I got the better end of the deal because of it. Take anything he offers. You have earned it over and over again.

Praying mostly though for yor heart and mind tonight.

WH2LE

P.S. I have a friend who moved to Houston and LOVES the weather!!!!

kld,

i am so sorry he is in such a fog. he is going to lose the best thing he ever had in his life. you deserve so much better.

please remember to take care of yourself - get your rest - eat - keep in touch with your friends and family.

you are in my thoughts ... <3

I woke up this morning in a better frame of mind, but still in shock that WH would decide that now is the time to end our M and it must be done now. He assures me he isn't seeing OW, but I'm sure he's lying. I actually don't even think he will end up with her. He may see her for a while, but he won't marry her.

He told me last night that he doesn't want to be married. He doesn't want the responsibility of being a husband. He doesn't want to have to be or do anything other than what he wants.

The one time I did respond to him last night when he was talking about how we divide our stuff up was when he told me I could have the house if I want it. I told him that right now without a job I'm in no position to be able to make a decision about where I will live as I have no income to sustain living anywhere. He didn't reply to that.

He did say that he still cares for me and is afraid he's making a mistake, but he sees no alternative but D at this time. I'm sure OW has something to do with this and the timing, but I'm still in shock.

Sorry to see/read things have gone down hill for you. I've sort of been out of the loop a bit lately and am just now catching back up on your thread.

Nice to wake up feeling that you are in a better frame of mind. I usually try falling asleep while praying and I find that helps so much!

My WH is bound and determined to be done and over with us as well. Last night I let him know that I am "standing" for our marriage that I pray for him a ton during the day. He smiled and said he needs all the prayers he can get. He's not much of a believer. I'm not a very religious person, but I am growing closer to God. I have faith that things will work out- all in Gods timing!

Think of it as we're being pruned... so we will be stronger and healthier... no I don't mean our husbands are being cut off from us, but other things/areas in our life need to be pruned, changed to grow more faithful and in the process our husbands hearts will be softened and turned to God and then they'll come home whole and happy and committed!

Prayers for you in your job search and regarding WH.

I am soooo sorry that things aren't working out. IMHO, if he is in a hurry to divorce, then take him for whatever you can get. If he wants it fast, and you don't have a job, well then he will just have to support you the way you did him while he was job hunting.

Just wait till he realizes how expensive it is to support himself and assist you. OW will run screaming into the sunset.

Following our DD, it came out that my FWH had been acting like Mr. Big time spender around OW. Within days, she called me and asked me to make him leave so they could have a life together.

Well, I said sure, I hope you have a great job (she was unemployed) because the reason FWH has had the money to lavish on expensive hotels and restaurants is because I am the one with the six figure income paying the bills.

We never heard from her again, gold-digger.

I know you would prefer a happy and recovered marriage with your H, but if that isn't possible, then at least you need to be financially compensated!

Who

"He told me last night that he doesn't want to be married. He doesn't want the responsibility of being a husband. He doesn't want to have to be or do anything other than what he wants."

Gag! My FWH said almost word for word the same thing to me 1 month before day. While insisting that he wasn't cheating on me. He told me he just wanted to go live in an apartment and drink a 6 pack every night. It really makes me want to throw up. The fog is so dense at this point that your WH thinks HE is the only thing living in the whole world.

The interesting point though is that he is telling the truth about not wanting to be responsible. Neither your WH now or mine at the time had ANY idea what they really wanted, they just wanted to be OUT of the mess THEY created. Run away, quit, escape, pretend. How many words can we come up with that really mean a$$? It is the same reason your H chose to have an A. Escape from reality.

"He did say that he still cares for me and is afraid he's making a mistake, but he sees no alternative but D at this time."

Mine said that too. Right out of the FogSpeak Handbook, written by Lucifer himself.

My H seemed to change his mind within a few hours of his pronouncement, but he was STILL cheating. He just realized that I was actually going to let him go if he insisted .

Keep taking care of yourself KLD. We are here for you. Whether he stays , goes, whether you are divorced or married , we will help you prevail against the gates of H****, because that is where ALL of this comes from.

Right now I am so angry about infidelity and the complete havoc it wreaks on the lives of ALL of us that I feel like finding a cave to escape to myself, with a 6-pack or two of Lipton Diet Iced tea.

Praying,
WH2LE

KLD, if you don't want a divorce, why should you file? Who knows what he really wants- if he really wanted a divorce were you holding a gun to his head before so he couldn't? And just now you've stopped so he can ask you to file? So maybe he's just an idiot.


If you don't want a divorce, unless there's a compelling reason for you to be the first one to file, then don't. You can still move without being divorced!

(((hugs)))
HTH

SS - I'm so sorry to hear that your having to fight so hard for your M. I hope that your stand will end up working out for you in the end. I've also told my WH that I pray for him every day - funny, he also said he needs all the prayers he can get.

Thanks for reminding me that God will work everything out all in his own time. I also am reminded that he gave us free will and a brain to make good decisions. My WH is using his free will to make bad decisions - at least I'm grounded in the knowledge that I have done the right things for him and my M. I do believe that once this is done, I will be stronger and better after experiencing this. I'd prefer to have been successful in saving this M, but if that's not meant to be, I know I will still be okay. It just hurts getting to that point.