Thanks Balin, and JL. She didn’t want to allow me to reclaim a place that’s a trigger for me necessarily. She was trying to show me that it’s “safe” now. It’s really not mine to reclaim anyway as it’s an office environment. It was just their choice to turn it into something different for them. It usually occurred in his office, and now there’s a new person in there. Might be hard to explain that one away. One of the things that really bothers me is that she risked her career to act the way they did and have their escapades in the office. I don’t think I could do the same thing now.

Come to find out that a few people were starting to question their relationship, including her boss. Wish I would’ve had the benefit of that insight! It’s a detail that bothers me, but she didn’t lie about it, and when she remembered the conversation with her boss seven months ago, she picked up the phone and told me about it. I’ll be upset about how I’m sure it makes her the office gossip, I’ll process it for a while, and store it away in my chest of memories that I hope someday will close and only re-open infrequently.

Right now everything is a trigger for me...good memories of the last 17 months ruined by what I found out. I’ll trigger my mental movies over a song on the radio, a DVD that might have infidelity undertones, seeing her cell phone etc... These will continue, and I’m banking, no I’m praying that Balin is right and they’ll become less frequent and less devastating. Until then, I’ll suck it up, talk to her about it, and continue to do our MB work, and come here for support.

MR. Z,

You have a plan stick to it. You can make it through this.

God Bless,

JL