Here is a link to my very first post...
Not Sure What To Do Now and to take up where it left off...in detail this time.
After that point my husband DID end up moving out.
He had come to hate me with a passion and couldn't stand the site of me....or so he said...not only to my face...but in front of our children.
He moved in with my sister so they could share the cost of rent because she was a newly divorced mother of a young son and already dating a man that she eventually married. He pretty much lived with them as well.
(he never paid her a cent in rent by the way)
My husband would keep all of his stuff at my sisters house but spend the night at the OW's house.
MY family supported my H's A. My sister was pretty much an enabler of it...and my family pretty much just welcomed her with open arms.
My H's family on the other hand pretty much disowned him and were there for me and their grandkids 100%.
I finally woke up one day and decided that I had had enough. I realized that I couldn't let my daughters see me constantly depressed...not able to function....and just always out of it.
From that day on....I moved on.
When H had them I agreed to let the OW be around when he had them....that happened ONCE. Our oldest daughter...who hated the OW with a passion made sure she let them both know how she felt about it....and good for her. The other 2 were too young to really understand what was going on...but they sure didn't like the fact that they were around someone other than mom with their dad...and made it known apparently.
They made the OW feel very uncomfortable....boohoo...lol
I told my H that how she felt wasn't important to me...but how my kids felt around her WAS....and that maybe he should think about the whole incident and reflect on his daughters reactions.
She quit talking to him on the phone every night after that and gave him a heck of a time when he would come to take them with him. I had to assure her each time that the OW wasn't going to be around.
Neither of us could afford to file for divorce...but we did start going our seperate ways. Visitation with the kids was held just as it would have been if we were divorced....although the OW was never in the picture when he had them again. This "chapped her khaki's" to no end.
This bothered my H after a while because he was seeing that she was being selfish and "uncaring" of how his kids felt and only worrying about herself and her feelings.
Their happy lil life was falling apart...without my help.
The every day living just had to get in the way.
I eventually went on a date with a man about 2 months into our seperation and it threw my H for a loop. He NEVER talked to me on the phone....unless he had to...but in one day he called my cell phone 15 times. According to my sister he couldn't function at work and was acting strange all day. Even the OW saw the change.
My H then started calling me on a regular basis over stupid little things. I eventually became the OW....to the OW.
That didn't last long though as it wasn't good for me.
I had to cut the ties again.....and move on for good.
H and the OW broke off their relationship shortly after.
It was a mutual decision....and I didn't even know until about a week after it happened. He had moved all of his things back to my sisters house and was spending ALL of his time there after work.
He came over to get the kids one day for his Wed. visit and invited me to go with them. I hesitated...but the girls so wanted me to go that I agreed only for them. Eventually he started coming around every day...on the pretense of seeing the kids. Usually when he would come to the house and see them I would make sure that I was busy doing something else....but he seemed to always find a way to get me involved with whatever they were doing.
One night he stayed so late that I agreed to let him stay over but made the request that he be out of the house before the girls got up. I didn't want them getting the wrong idea.
He said..."what would you think of me being here every night"?
I said I didn't think that was a good idea and he looked deeply hurt...and that's when I realized what was going on.
A couple of days later he stayed late again but said he only wanted to talk and then he would leave. I agreed and he spent the evening talking about how he knew that we should be together and that being a family again was all that he wanted. He said he would do whatever needed to be done and more. He said if I needed time he would give it to me...even if it took me 5 years to decide...he would still be there waiting and proving that the girls and I were what he wanted more than anything.
I thought about it for a few days and then decided to talk to our oldest daughter about how she would feel if we got back together and amazingly...she didn't want us to get back together. She was totally against it. She still held a lot of anger towards her father.
It took my H around a month or so to convince me to even think about going on a date with him....and we haven't looked back since then.
There were a few bumps in the road.....like the OW calling his cell phone a couple of times...and him not telling me about it...but nothing ever came of it....each call was less than a minute long....but had a HUGE negative affect on me.
I told him he had ONE more chance...that's all he got after all this....and he looked me in the eye and said....that's all I need.
We haven't looked back. It hasn't been the smoothest road...but it's all been worth it. Today...I trust my H 100% because he's earned it over the last 6 years. We have our good days and our bad days....but we deal with it differently than we would have in the past.
Sorry this was so long....but...it is my story....from the deepest darkest times of despair...to complete happiness.
It DOES happen.
