This all happened like last year.My husband doesn't like me talking to guys at all but I worked at a store where I worked with the public.Anyways I started talking to this guy and it just started out as friends.My husband found out that I was talking to him and he got really mad and left me for a months while gone he would tell me that we were going to get a divorce and I thought that I was going to lose him and instead of stop talking to this guy while we were separated I still talking to him and I would go to him for comfort over what was going on with me and my husband.While I would hang out with him I would drink a lot and one thing lead to another and the it happened .I was one of those people that cheated on their husband.I felt so terrible and then my husband finally came home and I was so happy that he was home that I didn't want to tell him what had happened because I didn't want to lose him let alone hurt him.I honestly never loved the guy I just had feeling for me he always wanted me to leave my husband for him but I never would.Anyways it came out and for the first time I decided to be honest with him and I told him that it was true.And now he really wants to divorce me and I don't blame him.But I really think we can make it though but he doesn't believe me when I tell him that I can change I have told him before that I would not talk to guys and I would only change for a little bit then start talking to guys again and I am so vulunerable I don't think about the consequence until I already made the mistake and I can't take it back.I don't even really know what advice I am looking for .I just am so afraid of losing him and I totally don't deserve him and I have changed a lot since it happened I quit my job for him I have not been working since october.Since then I have been faithful to him.I try and tell him how sorry I am for doing this to him and not considering his feeling and how bad it was going to hurt him in the long run instead he just yells at me .I feel like the worst person in the world .I really am disgusted with myself.What makes things worse is people just keep telling me if he wants out of the marriage then just let him go but I just can't.I guess I just needed to vent this all out.

KeepingFaith - Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be.

It sounds like you want to stay married, but there are some problems. Number one - do you have a problem with alcohol?

And my second question is whether you want to stay married?

It seems like you need to erect some boundaries.

By the way, how long have the two of you been married?

Yes I really do want to stay married.Next month it would be 3 years.I know it's not that long us being married but I love him more than words can express.No I do have a problem with alcohol I was just really depressed.I just don't handle my depression very good but that still doesn't give me a reason for what I did to him.

I suggest that you get some personal counseling to find out why you are sabotaging your relationship. When you are married, it is time to stop talking and hanging out with other guys, especially given your history. When hubby asks you not to do something, you need to realize that it is better to stop doing it.

The other thing is it sounds like you are afraid to be alone.

No, it is not that I am afraid of being alone I am afraid of losing him.When he told me to stop talking to guys I just thought that he was trying to be possesive I didn't realize that he was just watching out for me.