Hello,

I was hoping if someone could fill me in on the legal rights of parents that divorce in PA. My brother has had an affair and is seeking a divorce from his wife. They have two kids age 5 and 7. My brother and the OW have moved to a new state hundreds of miles away. The affair has been going 2 years and is still strong.

I have essentially cut off contact with him because of his actions. The divorce seems to be going through and will be final June 9.

I was wondering: what will happen with the children since my brother has moved out of state? I don't think he's seeking custody, but he expects to have them visit for the whole summer and many holidays. Is this reasonable for him to expect?

Also, does it really cost so little to divorce in PA? My brother says he only paid $1200.

He's mad at me for "being judgmental" and not accepting his wonderful new girlfriend. My parents are supporting them, helping them set up a new home, and wish that I'd be "nicer" too. My extended family all love the OW and are being polite to her. I'm the only one who is taking a stand, and I feel really alone.

I feel like no one understands; but I know you guys do. Thanks for any PA legal advice (that I can pass on to my sister-in-law) and for listening to my frustration!

Thanks,
~Saturn

I understand and support your decision.

Good for you SR,

It takes a strong character to stand up against a family member (or a close friend) like you have done...especially when other family members abandon their morals.

You can get divorced in PA for very little cost, but I would imagine that everything must already be agreed upon...like maybe your brother is just walking away from everything.

I know that my divorce in PA is costing a huge amount. During one of her screaming bouts back in January, HHW said that she had already incurred more than $40K in legal fees since last July...and that doesn't include what I have spent. What an incredible waste...

I believe that PA tends not to remove a parent from a child's life unless the parent's participation in the child's life is damaging. Just because your brother expects to have the children for the whole summer and all of the holidays, does not mean that he is entitled to that amount of significant custody time. I think your SIL should definitely speak to an atty that specializes in custody issues, but to keep costs down, I would suggest that your SIL and brother try to decide ahead of time how much custody time out-of-state is best for the children, and that both parents can live with.

Hope this helps.

LoBoy

Thank you Road and LoBoy for the support; it means a lot to me. It hurts that I'm losing my family because of this. I hope later that they understand why I'm drawing the line. I hope if my husband leaves me for another woman they would support me and not her, but probably not. This makes me really sad.

Yes, LoBoy, my brother is leaving everything. He is not seeking custody, he just requests visitation over the summer and holidays. I guess my sister-in-law can make things hard for him if she wants too; right now I think she's upset and doesn't have much of a plan. The divorce is moving so quickly that it will be over before she gets her bearings. I was hoping that the cost would be higher (my brother doesn't have much money) to help delay the process.

Anyway, thanks for replying to me. I'm so sorry your divorce is so hurtful; yes what a terrible waste of time, money, and emotion. I wish you all the best LoBoy. I'm glad you're still here at MB; I believe the principles here are universally helpful. Stay strong.

~Saturn

Saturn:

I'm sorry that you have to make a choice between your convictions and your family. I know that it hurts now, but as you say, hopefully they will understand in the future.

You can be divorced in 90 days in PA if both parties agree to it. There is another section of the PA divorce code that can take up to two years for the divorce to occur. Although, either way your SIL has the right to force a few marriage counselling sessions with a court-appointed therapist. Has your SIL counter-sued for divorce? Has she spoken to an atty to help her understand her rights in PA? If the divorce is moving too fast for her right not, she may want to consider these ideas.

Last summer when I had to file my counter-suit for divorce, I was adamant with my atty at the time that I wanted to exercise my right to a few marriage counselling sessions, but my atty kept trying to convince me otherwise. Then I was served with HHW's Emergency Petition for Custody alleging a bunch of lies, and that was when I decided to forego my right to the MC.

Yeah, I'm still here at MB but I don't post much. It's bc I too believe in the principles here, and I want to make sure they are a part of me and my future relationships. And maybe along the way I can help some other posters like many of you have helped me.

Thanks,

LoBoy

Way to go for standing up for your beliefs! I'm behind you 100%. Everyone will all come around when the A ends and your brother comes crawling home with his tail between his legs. Integrity like yours is admirable.

As for custody/visitation, I would doubt if any judge would look favourably on a WH who upped and left his kids and moved to a different state. Couple that with the tendency for courts to favour the mother anyway and your brother has probably thrown away more than he realizes. That said, I don't think it's fair to keep children from knowing their father, no matter what level of scumbag he is. I hope your SIL can agree to something (though I think the entire summer holiday is a bit extreme).

Saturn, here is a very good detailed resource regarding custody issues in Pennsylvania:

PA Custody Issues

Thanks Tabby for your support! Yes, he should be able to see his kids (he's actually a good father, just acting weird right now) and they need him. I want him to go back home and told him so. I really think he'll wake up eventually and be appalled at what he's done, but the process is moving so fast that it will be finished before he gets out of the fog.

Thank you PM for the link... it didn't work when I clicked but I deleted some parts of the URL and I think I landed on the page you intended. It appears that the custodial parent (likely my sister-in-law) has a lot of power and my brother's visitation rights rely on her cooperation. Also, the judge will take into account my brother's decision to leave his family when custody is awarded.

Thanks to everyone-
~Saturn