Hello,this is my first post and I am asking (already) for help...I am not new to MB site- helped me a lot 6 years back with my HA. I was greatful and hopeful- not toneed this site again...but here I am. Make long story short, after ugly A was recovery and we decided to stay together with future full of bliss and trust, well not so fast. A week ago I was snupping (this is very hard habit to break!)where? my H email, why ? I do not know! Intuition? Well I discovered three emails to a ex-coworker, he posted " I can not take you out of my mind", " we can not see eachother but I love you very much" and so on..nothing about physical contact, no emails from her, only ivitation to her facebook.When confronted he stated: "This is only words, no meaning , I did not know it will hurt you, I did nothing wrong, I do not have an A.....this writting is for fun" I could not believe! After all we went through! His explanation? i am cold and distant, not enough intimacy and so on.. Maybe he is right at 75%,but why he is not worry about destroying everthing , again. According to him nothing is "going on". I did not believe in this explanation ,so, I did email this girl, and I offer to send his belongings to her if she wants him or this "thing" whatever it is should end. She answer back" are you sure you write to the right person?" I did have civilized discussion with my H, he once again promised to be "good boy". I want to believe him, but .....I do not want to be stupid and blind and I wish to have my pride intact. Any input and advise will be appreciated, please clear my mind because I am daubting myself: what shoul I do : stay (and check more)or let it go...Oh, we are married 19 years, for both this is second M, our kids-closter of his and mine-youngest one is still at home. Our M is not bad but not much fun either...Sorry, this is toooo long but I am really confused. Thanks for listening.

Sounds like the beginning of at least EA. Been there heard the same excuse...FUN...NOT!


Is it possible that your M has fallen back into neglect? Has he complained of these issues to you before now? If so, how have you responded?

Have you both been following MB principals? Was your H onboard with MB previously?

Words DO HURT. Having FUN at someone else's expense (yours) is wrong. I to am in a long term M (30 yrs). I know things can get hohum but writing to another woman is NOT the answer.

IMO MB principals are a way of life, NOT just for fixing a broken M. It takes constant attention from both spouses. How about dusting off the old MB principals and get back on track?

I'm sorry this appears to be happening again to you.

This would be a great opportunity to fill out the Love Buster questionnaire - both of you - to find out how to MAKE the marriage what you both want, how to make sure you're not doing what the other doesn't want. Now that you're talking about his stuff, I mean.

Later on, you can fill out the Emotional Needs questionnaire, and start doing better things to make sure you're both happy.