I separated going on 4 years ago and the divorce was final about 1.5 years ago and I just recently started dating again. I started seeing a great guy about 3 months agos. He lives about 1.5 hours away, works two jobs and is very involved with one of his teenager daughters, although she lives with her mom. His other daughter is away at school, but they are very close. I also have two teenagers still at home, so we don't get to see each other but a couple of times a month. But we have taken every available opportunity.

What I am wondering is this...it has been so long since I have been in this situation, what should I be expecting after this amount of time as far as contact? There hasn't been too many days we have gone without either phone or email contact, but every once in awhile he will just disappear for 2-3 days with no explaination. This past weekend he went to New Orleans (about 8 hr drive)with his daughters for a soccer tournament and have heard nothing for 4 days. I kind of expected him to call, and I was hesitant because I did not know what his schedule was like or how much privacy he would have to talk.

Things are great when we are together He has not been shy about letting me know he cares about me and is very attentive and considerate when we are together. It just seems that by this time he should be making more of an effort to stay in touch when we can't be together Am I expecting too much too soon? I just don't know the "rules" amymore...

Wouldn't this be a question for him?

There is nothing wrong with saying, "I'd like to call you while you are at the event, when is the best time for me to call you and see how it's going?"

There is also nothing wrong with saying that you would like to hear from him everyday, you want to know how they games are going, how his time with daughter is, etc.

I think you're expecting too much. I think he's probably not ready to invest that much importance in your relationship, i.e., he's not so tied down to you that he owes you a phone call every day. He may do it, but I'll bet he doesn't want to feel like he has to.

I have a D17, and my biggest source of panic these days is seeing the dwindling days I have left to spend with her! It really makes me want to pack as much as I can into being with her.

He hasn't made you feel unwanted, so just be at peace with the relationship you have at this time; later it might be more, but what's the rush?

No rush, really. Just not sure what to expect at this stage. And also some insecurity. I find myself second guessing alot and have caught myself questioning whether or not he really means some things. We have discussed this some and he has been very reassuring, but still....

From my experience, the more confident you are in yourself (he's lucky to have me dating him, etc.), the more attractive you will be to him. People don't want what is thrown at them, kwim? They want what they can't have, or what is at least something of a struggle to get. It's just human nature. So I'd advise working on yourself - not that there's anything wrong with you. By working on yourself, I mean, see how you can improve yourself. And keep yourself busy, so you have more to think about than just your relationship. If your life is filled, you will be more attractive to him. Sign up for some courses at a community college, join a softball team, start a hobby, make sure you're spending time with friends and family.

Also, make sure you're investing in the relationship. Find ways to keep it fresh, do new things, make sure you keep talking to him about himself and what he wants...make you the person he thinks of when he thinks of good times.

At this stage? I'd say he's pretty nervous about committing. So I would just be happy with the stage you're at. You've got plenty of time to get more serious. Plus, if you find out in the next year or two that there's more to him, stuff you don't like, it'll be easier to walk away.

yes, 3 months in, i am sure he is seeing this as just dating, not a relationship. don't fall too hard too fast. right now it is just dating and if you start talking too deep to him about your insecurities this early on, he may just walk.

i agree with cat, keep yourself busy and enjoy what time you do have. then, later down the road, if it gets to the actual exclusive relationship stage and this stuff is going on, then i would talk to him about it. but expecting him to call when he is away with his kids at this stage? i think that is too much.

mlhb

What do you do with your kids when your not together?

I agree with the others, don't sit around waiting on him to call you, go out and live your life while he's away...and I also agree it is still to early in unless you have discussed it to expect certain things..

However, if you want to know what to expect..ASK HIM what He expects from you and where he see's your relationship..