Not doing too well with Plan B. Started it about a week ago, & I'm having doubts as to whether I have the strength for it. Last evening, I tried calling him to see if he wanted to have dinner with me tonight as Friday is his B-day & I had a card and gift for him. His roommate (who is not OW) answered & said he wasn't home. I went to bed and around 01:00 am, he was knocking on my bedroom door. He drove out to the house as he was worried that I had had an accident and might be hurt or need a ride to work in the morning. Kept saying he was worried about me.<BR>Then tonight, we had dinner & I gave him his card and gift. He seemed standoffish and aloof. Thanked me for "the consideration". No display of affection whatsoever. Ouch!!<BR>I felt so dead inside. Finally, I couldn't help it and asked, "How much longer is this insanity going to go on?". He got up and left the room.<BR>A few minutes later, he got ready to leave. Asked me for a kiss and hug, but I just couldn't do it. I was too upset.<BR>I hate myself for trying to hang on when he continues to hurt me. I feel like he is drifting away from me and forming a tighter connection with OW. I feel so lost and alone.

I am no expert at this but just a few words of encouragement. Just because he is showing you no affection right now does not mean he is tighter with OW. My H has been doing this for over a year and he talks a lot to me and is honest when he says that things with OW are not always wonderful. I think we (the betrayed) tend to always think that the OW is wonderful and more than we are otherwise our husbands wouldn't be there right - wrong, sometimes the OW gets the same indifference as we get and things are not always rosy on that side of the fence either. Keep up the Plan B, you will see effects of it sooner or later. Just keep hanging in there. As I said, I am no expert, I can't even sort out my own marriage but I just wanted to share that with you.<BR>

Sidney,<BR>Your hurt and anguish are exactly why Plan B is probably for the best right now. Don't beat yourself up over contacting him, just get back on the horse and start again on your plan. He is clearly conflicted and is going to need time and space to work through his feelings. If it is too painful, you don't need to be there while he does this...<P>Loveu and I can attest that once you get through the initial separation pain, Plan b can be liberating if you really use the time to focus on you..<P>Take care

Sidney,<P>Hi. I am not 'expert' on Plan B-only been on it for two weeks (this time ). The biggest mistake that I made the first 2 times was to have contact w/ him.<P>As hard as this is, you MUST not have ANY contact. That means, no calls, no cards, no anything. <P>As I understand Plan B, it is not meant to be a way of hurting your h, but a way of healing yourself. It is an opportunity for you to take a look at yourself, and your h to take a look at himself.<P>I KNOW it is hard. But, it does get better. Did you give him a Plan B letter? My h throw my letter on the floor-UGH-, but I have stuck with it this time.<P>I am a firm believer that what I am doing, is making my H wonder what he is/has done, but more importantly, it is helping me to get control of my anger, my hurt, my disappointment. <P>We have a d, and it is hard to see him on a regular basis for visitation. He keeps trying to get me to LB, but I continue to not talk to him about anything but our d.<P>Don't ask him about OW. Dont ask him how is he. Dont talk to him at all. <P>Wishing you the best. It will make you stronger. It will get better.<P>God Bless,<P>c

Loveu, StarPony, CC- thanks all of you for your advice and replies. I know in my heart that I have to pull back and follow Plan B to the letter. This affair is destroying me. I have lost 15 lbs. and cannot afford to lose any more. Hovering at 90 lbs. No, I did not write a formal Plan B letter. Told him face to face and tried to make a clean break with him totally out of my life. But he argued that FOR HIS emotional wellbeing, he needed to continue coming out to the house every day and working on all the things he should have been doing (except he was too busy chasing OW!) He said he "would go crazy" if he didn't have something to do. I caved in and said okay. I have to admit it is nice to not have to worry about the maintenance but he also does things like making my bed! and doing my laundry. He also wanted to have dinner ready for me every night but that's where I drew the line. Weird, huh?? Now, I'm wondering if I should have stood my ground and said NO, you cannot come over here at all. I read another book last weekend (After The Affair) and it suggested that you should keep some sort of connection or H will completely bond with OW and probably not come back.<P>I am so very confused! Trying to navigate uncharted waters...