Last night DH asked me how many people knew about our A (and then he corrected himself and said HIS A). I told him and he then said that a friend of ours (one that I didn't tell) told his business partner that my H had had an A. I was livid! First, because I DIDN'T tell her and I don't like her talking about my M with other people (i.e. gossiping), but second, because it looks like I did tell her.

DH says he believes me when I say that I didn't tell. And he's ok with the whole thing (coincidentally, a mutual friend of hers and business investor of DH decided NOT to invest at about the same time she told his partner about the A). I can only think of one conversation that I had with her about the idea of an A. I told her that DH had had a friendship that I hated with OW and I caught them in a lie and he ended the friendship...but at the time, that was honestly all that I knew. DH says that my description is that of an A...which makes me feel like a COMPLETE IDIOT because even a stranger could see the A where I was still in complete denial for FOUR YEARS.

Now I have to decide if I want to confront her about saying something (something that I really need to do in order to have a real friendship with her), or write it off and just be cordial to her when we have business dinners. I don't want to make more trouble for DHs business (he says he doesn't mind if I need to talk with her...that whatever path we are on is the path that we are on) but I also would go to her immediately if there weren't any business considerations because I'm not one to allow for gossip.

What should I do?

If I've got the picture right, it sounds like your friend is already making trouble for your husband's business. If she truely is your friend then maybe she just has a big mouth and didn't mean any harm, but did cause harm by telling her friend who was a potential investor of your husband.

What I'm trying to say is that if you think she just has a big mouth and meant no harm, then I would have a heart to heart talk with her. But, if you think she used this info to cause the investor to back out a business deal with your husband then it probably will not do any good to talk to her about it.

Sorry but I agree with your husband that what you described to your friend does sound like you were telling her your husband had an affair.

I really feel for you, since my husbands affairs became known about I feel like everyone is talking about us and judging us.

On a positive note, it sounds like you and your husband had an open conversation and he supports you in however you decide to deal with this situation.

Please stay on your one thread !

HTM,

I agree that you are probably going to have to have a cordial conversation with this woman. If she is a friend, you might want to tell her that both you and your FWH have been thru a very difficult time, but that you are both working very hard on your marriage. You could add that the added stress of too many people having knowledge of your private lives isn't helping.

The unfortunate thing here is that people just love to talk about other peoples lives and especially their problems. Having people talk about infidelity and the negative affect it has on the lives of everyone concerned is part of the consequences of choosing to have an affair. Unfortunately, the BS also has to pay the price of being gossiped about as well as the WS.

I doubt that most WS give a moments thought to potential outcomes of infidelity, how could they and still proceed with the affair.

Heck my FWH never even thought about the fact that he might lose me because he was unfaithful, at least not until OW started threatening to tell me about the affair. I can tell you that his affair ultimately destroyed his career once OW contacted his boss about the affair. His company didn't fire him, but over time it became pretty clear that his boss no longer had confidence in FWH's judgement and that he had no real future with them anymore.

He found another job and left, but honestly I think that eventually they would have let him go. It really was sad because he had been considered a bright shining star with unlimited potential and HE ruined it.

Consequences ... often go far beyond the obvious.

Who

Thank you for the advice. I think that I have decided to approach it along the lines of it making things much more difficult for us when she talks with others. Honestly, I think she told in order to "out" my FWH integrity. Her husband and my FWH are business associates and she is friends with my FWH business partner. She probably thinks she's protecting them from someone who may be less than honest. However, she's not looking at the big picture. It may affect my FWH business, but it also affects our family and I'm sure that she wouldn't want to harm us.

mimi...I posted this TWICE on my single thread and got NO responses. I reposted it separately because I really needed the advice and felt like it was somehow being overlooked. I try to keep it all on one thread (partly because it makes for a great journal that I can look back on), but if I get no response, I'm not sure what else to do.

IMO she is NOT your friend, not even close. Watch your back.

I understand.

You can CHANGE the NAME of your thread AS NEEDED.

GO TO THE ORIGINAL POST and EDIT the SUBJECT.